The Last Resort
by sexyvamp815
Summary: Lily and James pretend to go out to get other people but throughout the whole ordeal they fall for each other Once thing leads to another and things happen Will they keep their sanity Will love preval Or will pride win Not your normal LJ fic adult themes
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer ~ I don't own the characters you recognize, just the one's you don't and the plot, that's all that's mine, everything else is JK's._**

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**_Chapter 1 ~ Obsession_**

_"He who angers you, conquers you."_

                   ~ Elizabeth Kenny

          "Lily!  Lily!  Hellooooooo!  Mollie to Lily!  WAKE UP!" Mollie Sanders yelled at her best friend Lily Evans in the hall.  Suddenly, an idea struck her.  "Hey Lily," she said in fake excitement, "I think Amos is heading over here!"

          "What?  How do I look?" Lily asked while looking around frantically.

          "Calm down, he ain't commin' over anyway!  I just needed a way to get you outta Diggory Dreamland and what better than Amos himself?" Mollie said amusedly.

          "Mo-ol!" Lily whined.

          "Li-il!" she whined back.  "All you do is think about him!  Your grades are dropping because of it!  Get over him and worry about more important issues!"

          "But he **is** important!" Lily insisted.  "He's dreamy and hot and sexy and-"

          "AND taken!" Mol interrupted.  "He's going out with that Christi bitch, remember?  Besides, he's never even talked to you!"  Mollie said logically.

          "But we're meant to be together," Lily stated as they rounded the corner and entered their Arithmancy classroom.  Lily went to sit down in the back.  She took out a notebook and flipped through 50 pages with 'I Love Amos" "Amos is Hot" and other things like that.  When she **finally** got to a blank page, she began to write "Amos + Lily" and drew hearts around them.

          By now you can probably tell that 16 year old Lily is obsessed with 17 year old Amos Diggory of Hufflepuff.  She has been for three years and she'd do anything to get with him, well almost anything. She'd never, ever associate with the idiotic Marauders, especially their Ring Leader, James Potter.

          Her first year at Hogwarts, Lily was naive, very naive.  James and his little group had grown up in the wizarding world, were as Lily; she was new to all of this.  Well on the train ride, Lily had a headache.  James offered her a vile of "headache relief potion" to rid her of it.  She took it willingly, not knowing his plan.  When she drank it, a series of pops emitted and she was in sudden pain.

          Her face ached to no end.  She went to the bathroom to look in the mirror to see what was wrong.  When she did, she regretted ever accepting help from that James.  All over her face were about 20 boils!  She screamed.  That's when she met Mollie.  Mollie had heard her shriek and came running into the room.  She quickly cast the reversal spell to it and asked Lily what had happened.  When Lily explained, Mollie helped her devise a plan to get back at the little cretin.  That's how Lily and James are sworn enemies and her and Mollie are best friends.

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          "Look at her, isn't she a doll?" James asked his best friend Sirius.

          "Oh great! Thinking about _Astounding Arabella again!" Sirius replied._

          "She gorgeous!  Why won't she ever notice me?" James continued, without recognizing what Sirius had said.

          "Because James, you're a goof-off, you're too chicken to talk to her, and she's got a boyfriend, remember?  Nick?" Sirius said exhaustedly.  He had to tell James this everyday.

          "I need to come up with a plan to get her!" he said determined.

          "James, you're pathetic!  At least I'm not chicken and go after the girls!" Sirius said frustrated.  "Come on, we're gonna be late for Arithmancy class!"

          "Don't we have that with Ravenclaw?" James asked excited.

          "Yes, but Arabella's in 7th year, not 6th!" Sirius said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

          "Damn! Oh well let's go," James replied as he stood up from his seat in the Great Hall and began to walk to his class.  Sirius got up and followed him.  They were walking through the halls silently when they began to hear two voices.  They both began to creep slowly, so as to eavesdrop, using their marauders instincts.

          "All you do is think about him!  Your grades are dropping because of it!  Get over him and worry about more important issues!" said the first voice.

          "But he **is** important!" stated a second.  "He's dreamy and hot and sexy and-"

          "AND taken!" said the first voice.  "He's going out with that Christi bitch, remember?  Besides, he's never even talked to you!"

          "But we're meant to be together," was they last thing that they heard.

          _Interesting,_ thought James, _She's got the same problem as me!  But who's going out with Christi?  Oh yeah!  **Diggory**, _he thought disgusted.  He quickly rounded the corner to find out who it was and who he saw made him even more disgusted.  _LILY EVANS!  Oh great, forget my idea then!  But maybe… just maybe… if she's desperate enough, it would work!  He thought and he got the kind of grin he got when he had a plan._

          "I know that smile," Sirius said when he saw his friend; "You've got some sorta Idea."

          "Yup! I know how to get Arabella!" James exclaimed as he took a seat next to his sworn enemy.

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**_Authors Note ~ Hey guys, kinda a slow start, but I've got like the whole thing planed out in my head.  Just to make it clear, Mollie is NOT Mrs. Weasley.  It was just a name I came up with.  I don't want people wasting those good reviews asking "Is Mollie Mrs. Weasley?" Notice I spelled it with an "ie" instead of "y".  Well, this is where I beg you to review and tell me how you like it. PLEASE REVIEW!! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Well now that that's done, I've gotta get started on the next Chapter, but it's not gonna get posted until I get 5 reviews! Now get to typin!_**


	2. Chatper 2

**_Chapter 2 ~Reeling in the Fish_**

_"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."_

~ Aldous Huxley__

Lily was writing in her notebook when she felt someone over her shoulder.  She looked up and was sickened, _James Potter!_ She thought.__

"What do you want Potter!?" she spat at him, closing her notebook so he couldn't look anymore.__

"Well, I overheard you talking in the hall," James said slowly, so as to lead her on.__

"Yea, and what do you want?" Lily asked nervously.__

"Well, we both have the same problem; you like Diggory and I like Arabella," James stated cautiously.__

_          Oh Great,_ Lily thought, _Just what I need, Potter knowing who I like.  "And…." Lily was quite confused on why he wanted to talk to her about this.___

"Neither of them have noticed us and we're both desperate," James said.__

"Ok, you have no clue!  He has too noticed me!  That slut may not have noticed you, but Amos sure as hell has me!" Lily lied, loosing her temper.__

"Don't lie to me Evans.  We both know that he hasn't noticed you one iota.  Now on to more important business, I wouldn't talk to you for no reason, now would I?" James started.  "You and I would do _anything to get what we want, am I correct Miss Evans?" James asked with a certain formality.___

"Why do you care?  We've been enemies for ages," Lily stated.__

"I care, because I have a way to get what we want," James replied slyly, trying to reel in the fish.__

"And what would that be, 'Mr. High and Almighty'?" she asked cockily.__

"Well, 'Miss Lower than Me', people notice other people because of jealously.  Well if we make Diggory and Arabella jealous, they'll come to us on bended knee!" James exclaimed, avoiding the point purposely.__

"Get to the point Potter; I don't have all day ya know!" Lily said getting irritated.__

"Well, to make them jealous, we could _pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend and get them to co-"___

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!  Hold up, I would never do that no matter how desperate I am!" Lily said, horror-struck at the thought of being James' little toy.__

"Your loss, but I guess if you don't want Diggory to notice you… I mean if you used anyone else, they'd think you actually liked them, and then when you break up with them they'd be broken-hearted.  Leaving you feeling guilty.  But… if you did it with me, you wouldn't have to feel guilty because I have the same motive," James said cunningly, the fish a little bit closer than before.__

"I like your logic, Potter.  But… there are other ways that I can get what I want.  I'll keep your offer in mind, **_only_ as a last resort," Lily said and James felt the fishing line snap.__**

"Once again Evans, your loss. I have a feeling we'll meet again to discuss this topic.  Because I know that you'll fail in your other attempts," James said in a sage, cocky way.__

"We'll see Potter, we'll see," and with that, both of the students turned their attention to the teachers lecture, not speaking to each other once again.__

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          During the next few weeks, James waited for Lily to come back to him, accepting his offer.  Lily, on the other hand, was trying to forget his offer completely.  She was trying to find out other ways to get Amos to notice her.  First she got a makeover at the next Hogsmead trip.  That didn't really work.  She had black mascara on very thickly, bright red lipstick, curled hair with strawberry blonde highlights, and dark, dark blue eye shadow.  She got her eyebrows plucked and got a tan.  She'd gotten her nails a French manicure.  Amos still failed to spare her a passing glance.

          She then tried the sluttish approach.  She buttoned her shirt, which was two sizes too small, down until her bra almost showed, with about two inches of cleavage.  She then hiked her skirt, which was also too small, up until it was about halfway up her slender thigh.  Her shirt clung to her breasts rightly.  Her skirt clung to her thin ass ever so slightly.  Even that didn't work.  Amos completely ignored her, although many other men did, including James.

          _Damn she's hot…………WHAT!?  Wait a minute; did I think that about Evans?_ James asked himself.

          **_Yes you did!  How could you go against your inner feelings of hatred and say that about HER!_** Said an evil little voice inside his head.  **_If you haven't noticed, Diggory hasn't noticed her at all, meaning that you will get your plan under way._**

          _Yeah, and I can't wait to make all jealous!  With that ass and those juggers, damn! _ James thought again about her looks.

          **_You're to be using her to get to Arabella you dimwit!  Isn't Arabella MUCH better than EVANS?!_**

          _Yeah, I guess,_ James gave in.

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          Finally Lily realized that maybe she was wrong and James' idea was the only way to get his attention.  She hated to admit it, but he may have been right.  _God damn it!  Why the hell does he always have to be correct!  I hate it, but I may just have to accept his offer! Lily thought glumly.  _Well let go find heavenly god damned Potter and tell him we better get to work!_  Then Lily thought, __how do I know that he won't let me have my own way?  Maybe I should bring someone along.  I've got it!  With that, Lily reluctantly headed to tell Potter that he ain't gonna be single soon._

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          "So, let me get this strait, even though he _has noticed you," James began, rubbing it in Lily's pretty little face that she was wrong.  "You're gonna go along with the plan?"_

          "You can never be too sure Potter!" Lily stated.  "But, we can't do this by ourselves.  I don't trust you enough to not have help."

          "And who do you have in mind?  If it's one of your little friends than I might as well walk to hell right now!" James said sarcastically.

          "Well, I knew that you'd say something like that, so I thought we could both have one friend to help us.  That way we have someone to take our side and make sure that we don't get into a brawl.  I, of corse, pick Mollie.  Who do you pick?"

          "Well, if I tell Sirius the whole school will know by tomorrow, so it would have to be Remus," James said, still happy with the fact that he had lured the fish on the line and reeled it in completely.

          "Then we should start tomorrow.  We meet in the library, all four of us," Lily said in an ordering tone.  "You tell Remus of our plan and I'll tell Mollie.  Hopefully with their input we can do this without being offended.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bed."  And with that Lily left, swaying her hips, making James stare for a while, until he noticed what he was doing.  After she had gone, James got a smug smile across his face.  _Soon Ara, sweetheart, soon you'll be mine, _James thought with satisfaction shown on his face.  He had cast the line, felt the pull, lost it, and gotten it again, totally and completely gotten the little fish he needed to get the big fish.

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**_Authors Note ~ Thank you to those who reviewed Wicca Chick, MFCA, Morgan, Aspiring Autumn, and Arielle. Thank you all for reviewing! You are my inspiration and the only other reason I write besides the fact that I just love to write period. I need positive reinforcement before I can write anymore. So if you get the hint, I need at least, AT LEAST! 5 more reviews, although I will take more than that. So: REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!!!!!! REVIEW!!!!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3 ~ Another Plan_**

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_"Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in special need of help, the good deed is usually done by somebody on whom I have no claim."_

~ William Feather – _The Business of Life_

"So let me get this strait, you and… POTTER are going to pretend to go out to get who you want?" Mollie asked Lily when she was finished, her soft blue eyes wide with shock.__

"Mm hm, as crazy as it sounds," Lily responded.__

"HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY?!?!?!" Mollie yelled. "Is this the same James Potter who made you cry in first year? Who has played pranks on you for five strait years?"__

"Yes, but technically we won't be _girlfriend and boyfriend, just putting on a show," Lily tried to wave away, but still cringed at the thought.___

"But Lily, think a minute… this is JAMES POTTER! All the girls in our year will KILL YOU! He's wanted by everyone!" Mollie tried to reason.__

"Wanted by everyone _except who he wants. It's the perfect plan. And it's not like anyone's going to get hurt. If I tried this with any other guy, I'd feel guilty. But with Potter, it'll be okay cuz we don't really like each other," Lily said, still cringing at this thought. "Come on, we're gonna be late for meeting them."___

"Them?" Mollie asked, still astounded at the fact that Lily was accepting help from the likes of James Potter.__

"James and Remus, I have you to be on my side and he has Remus," Lily explained at her friends look.__

"Do you have any idea what you've gotten yourself into?" Mollie asked, shaking her head in disbelief.__

"Yes, and hopefully the outcome will be me and my soul mate coming together forever." Lily said with a sigh and her shocking green eyes glazed over as she thought about Amos more. She didn't know how right she was though; this would end up with her other half with her for the rest of her life. She just didn't know who.__

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          "Hmmmmm, Evans, not a bad choice," Remus said after James had explained him the plan.

          "My only choice!" James replied exasperatedly. "Besides, I don't _really want her, we're using each other."_

          "Yeah, sure, you know you like her," Remus said, trying to bug his friend but still speaking what he believed the truth.

          "Yuck! No way! Evans… … … ewwwwwww!" James said disgusted at the thought, but as he said this, he remembered last night as he watched her walk away, swaying her tiny hips.

          "Whatever Prongs, let's get going or else we'll be late," Remus said, still knowing James liked Lily. James shook his head, trying to get thought like these out of his mind, at least thoughts about Lily.

          _How can he not? For the past five years, she's been his main prankie. Most the time when guys are mean to a girl, it means they like them, I mean, I did it once, _Remus thought. _This is going to be sooooooo fun! I can torture James into realizing that he and Lily belong together!_

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          When James and Remus arrived, Lily and Mollie were already there waiting.

          "`Bout time!" Lily yelled at them.

          "Calm down Evans! We're just a tad bit late," James said calmly, but was examining her.

          "Why don't you two come up with how you're gonna do this while Miss Sanders and I work on better ideas," Remus suggested.

          "Fine, just don't go too far, I'm afraid of what James might do to me," Lily pleaded with Mollie.

          "Don't worry!" Mollie said.

          "Alright Lupin, what is it?" Mollie asked annoyed that she got pulled into this.

          "Well, we're supposed to supervise and help, am I right?" Remus asked.

          "Yeah," Mollie said a little clueless as to where this was going.

          "Well, you know Lily and I know James and all they'll be doing is bicker the whole time. They won't know how to or want to make this look real," Remus began to explain.

          "I see where you're heading with this, but they won't agree to anything involving touching each other," Mollie said.

          "That's where we come in explaining that if they don't, Arabella and Amos won't notice them," Remus explained coyly.

          "Good, you've had time to plan this," Mollie laughed.

          "Yeah, just the walk here, long enough," Remus laughed back.

          "I just can't help feel that you have an ulterior motive," Mollie said suspiciously.

          "Well, since you brought it up… … … I think that James likes Lily," Remus whispered.

          "What? Whoa, James like Lily? You've gotta be kidding. He completely hates her," Mollie said in disbelief.

          "No, he acts like he hates her, when really, he's crazy about her. She's the main person he plays pranks on and she plays 'em right back. It's like a whole Love Prank War," Remus said. "Besides, didn't you see him checking her out when we got here?"

          "No, I didn't, I was too busy trying not to look at him. But I do get your point. I mean, all Lily ever talks about is James, grant it it's always, _I hate him_ or _he infuriates me_! But I see you point," Mollie said evilly.

          "Well, let's start our match-making," Remus said as they returned.

          While Mollie and Remus were behind the bookshelf talking in hushed voices, Lily and James were sitting there in silence. James was checking her out and Lily was trying not to pay too much attention to him.

          _Damn she's hot! I never really noticed her eyes before. They're really the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They're a very enticing bright green. I bet if I looked at them long enough, I could find out a lot about her. They do say that the eyes are the window to the soul._ He kept staring at her, trying to find out what she was thinking.

          "What are you looking at Potter?" Lily asked as she noticed his stare. He wasn't paying attention. She noticed that his icy blue eyes were glazed over and his wild raven colored hair slightly covered his left eye. She got a sudden urge to reach over to him and move the hair out of his face so she could marvel his brilliant eyes.

          They weren't really a regular blue, more like a periwinkle color. It really didn't fit his look. Light colored eyes with dark hair and medium tan skin, but somehow, it looked perfect. She was about to reach over and brush away his hair, when footsteps scared her back into her seat. James suddenly woke up from his trance, the glazed look in his eyes still there, but they were more focused.

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**_Authors Note_**_ ~ Thanks to all those who reviewed, I love the positive encouragement. Thanks to imlosnoches, emerald-hopes, and met19 who are my newer reviewers. Now you all know what to do, so get to typin'!_****


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4 ~Oscar Winning Performance_**

_"For an actress to be a success; she must have the face of Venus, the brains of a Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of a Macaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros."_

          ~ Ethel Barrymore

          "Okay, you guys ready to get this started?" Mollie asked when she and Remus reached the two enemies.

          "Yea… But I don't know if I can go through with this, look at him! How can I?" Lily responded, trying to cover what she was thinking in her head.

          "Hey, it was your idea!" Mollie retorted, trying to rub it in. She also noticed the slight blush in Lily's cheeks and wondered what was going on.

          "Now," Remus said clearing his throat. He noticed how James' eyes had a faraway look._ He only gets that look when he's looking at a girl. Wonder what happened here?_ "Do you guys wanna get your crushes to notice you?"

          "Yes!" Lily and James replied eagerly at the same time.

          "Well than, we need to make this look real," Mollie began.

          "Real as in… how?" Lily asked suspiciously.

          "As in you guys have to show PDA's," Remus said, wanting to get a rise out of the both of them.

          "PDA… Whoa, hold on. No way in HELL am I showing public affection for _her_!" James said when he finally understood what it meant. _Yea, actually I kinda do but…STOP! This is Lily… I mean Evans, no more of this crap! He scolded himself._

          "Fine, I guess we have nothing to work on because if you DON'T then they'll never get jealous," Mollie said at once.

          "What do we gotta do?" Lily asked meekly, as if checking her sources before jumping to conclusions.

          "Well, you have to sit at the tables together, where you much somehow show you _love_ for each other; be it one feeding the other, occasional kisses, cute little nicknames or all three, these are just suggestions," Remus said.

          "I can do that," Lily said calmly.

          "WHAT! WE CAN'T DO THAT?" James yelled exasperatedly, obviously his little conversation with himself had worked. 

          "I guess you don't want Arabella _that badly, now do ya Jamesie-boy," Mollie said slyly._

          "James," Lily began calmly, "Do you want her or not? I know I'll do anything to get Amos and if I have to pretend to like you," Lily almost smiled at the thought, but then faked a shiver, "then so be it. Think about it James, a little bit of pain for a lifetime of pleasure?" Lily offered. James thought about this.

          _Everyone does say Evans is a hard catch, and if I'm going out with her I know I'll make other people jealous. Maybe she's right for once; maybe this would be worth my time. Besides, I could look at those eyes all day; it won't be **that hard to pretend to like her.**_

          "Fine, but… what else do we have to do?" James asked curiously.

          Mollie and Remus then launched into explanations of what they were supposed to do. They had to be nice to each other, which was near impossible. They also had to be seen publicly, which meant sitting at lunch and during classes. At this, James brought up the question of, "Well they aren't even in our year so why do we have to do that in class?" The answer to that was simple. "You're not just putting this on for Arabella and Amos; you're doing it for the _whole school!_" Remus explained. They also had to snuggle with each other and kiss occasionally, but just chaste kisses on the cheek or quick ones on the lips. Lily had made sure that there was no all out snogging, even though she wouldn't have minded, but if she suggested it then all of them might think she like James. James was a little disappointed with this. If he was seen snogging THE Lily Evans, all guys would envy him to death. No one EVER got a hold of her. _Not that I actually **want** her, James thought, _I just wanna snog her senseless.__

          **_Really?_** Woke up the other voice, **_Just a little bit ago you were looking at her like she was some kind of goddess._**

          _Hey, she's got the looks,_ James tried to wave away.

          Once when all of the arrangements were made, Lily and James walked out of the library together holding hands, cupped not laced. They weren't seen by anyone, unless you count the school gossip queen, Maggie Smirth. By the end of the day, the whole school knew about the new and miraculous couple.

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          When Sirius had heard the news of James and his mortal enemy becoming a couple he was shocked to say the least.

          "You and EVANS? Have you gone mad Prongs?" He asked crazily.

          James, being the greatest actor in the world (according to him) played it cool, although it didn't take much effort because he thought he might enjoy this.

          "Yeah, she's actually quite somethin" he replied.

          "And how in the world did this miracle happen?" Sirius asked still stunned.

          "Remus hooked us up," James said the first thing that popped into his mind.

          "Now, one more question; why in the **world would you go out with Evans when you're head over heels for Figg? Hmmm?" Sirius asked the one question that James was dreading.**

          "Because, he found someone better," came Lily's voice from the portrait hole.

          "Hey baby," James said, fighting a battle inside. Cringing and enjoying this at the same time.

          "Hey sweetheart," Lily replied, walking over and planting a sweet kiss on his cheek and then sitting down on the sofa next to him. _I have to remember to wash my lips extra tonight, she noted. James' cheek tingled where Lily had kissed him, but he waved it away as an effect of the lip gloss she was wearing._

          Lily and James sat there, hands laced together, starring at each other lovingly. As you can see, both of them are wonderful actors, or were they acting?

          "Sooooooo, Lila," Sirius began.

          "It's _Lily_ bud, Lily," James corrected, not looked away from Lily.

          "Yea, Lily, I thought you had the hots for Diggory?" He questioned. _Something smells fishy,_ he thought.

          "Well, Siri, you must have you're sources wrong to have heard that," Lily said mater-of-factly, still gazing at James.

          "Whatever! You guys are freakin' me out! I'm going to bed James, see ya later," Sirius said as he headed up the boys' staircase.

          Since it was pretty late, they were they only ones left in the common room. Once when Sirius' footsteps were gone and the door closed, Lily and James let go and Lily immediately hopped over into a different chair. This kind of upset James, but once again he reminded himself that this was just an act.

          "You know," she began, "I better be getting an Oscar for this performance," she said jokingly.

          "A what?" James asked curiously.

          "Never mind, muggle thing. I'm going to bed _sweetie pie," Lily started sarcastically, "See you when I see you."_

          "Yeah, bye _Lila_," James teased.

          "Bugger off Potter."

          And with that, they were both up in there bathrooms, scrubbing themselves thoroughly.

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**_Authors Note_****_ ~ Finally! This chapter took a while to get done. I've been so busy! But… Luckily for you guys, I'm outta school so I can try and update at least say… once a week. That is, if you all review good! I apologize for not updating sooner. Thank you to my few reviewers, oh, I'm sorry, no one reviewed for chapter 3. I want _AT LEAST**_ 6 reviews or you don't get the next chapter, which I promise will have some L/J action, we'll see where it leads. REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!! REVIEW!!_****


	5. Chapter 5

**_Chapter 5 ~ Breaking the Ice_**

_"The road to a friend's house is never long"_

~ Danish Proverb

          Lily was in her bathroom sponging down her face when she looked up at herself in the mirror. "What is your problem? Huh? What is wrong with you?" she reprimanded herself. "I mean, come on Lily, this is James we're talking about! Did I just say James?!? I meant Potter!! Jesus Christ! How can he do this to me? It's not like he'd even attempt a second glimpse at me. Look at me! You're hideous Evans! HIDEOUS! Fricken idiotic red hair and lackluster puke green eyes! Petunia's right, I really don't have anything to live for. Except for my chance with Amos, but if James won't like me then why would he? Besides, he's besotted with Christi fucking Miller! Just give up Lily! You're obtuse, revolting and no one will EVER love you!" with that Lily threw her washcloth on the sink and trudged into her room, yanked her drapes closed and went to sleep.

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          Meanwhile, James was also in his bathroom, trying to assure himself that he doesn't like Lily. "This is EVANS for god's sake! Get a hold of yourself! Bookworm Evans! Even though she has a nice ass… NO! Stop it! You were never attracted to her before! What happened?" James yelled at his reflection. "WAKE UP!" he screamed as he splashed his face with freezing cold water.

          He let the water sweep over his face. It ran off his face and into the sink. "Ahhhhhh, that's better! Now," he said pointing at his mirror image with water still trickling off his face, "anything that happens between you and Evans is strictly business! Nothing else! You're doing this to get Arabella!"

          "James, what're you doing in there?" came Sirius' voice through the door.

          "Nothing Padfoot! I'll be in soon!" James yelled back and then turned to the mirror again, "DON'T FUCK UP!" With that, he went to bed.

          "Padfoot?"

          "Yea Prongsie?"

          "What do ya think of Lily?"

          "Well, she's pretty enough. But she's not my type… or yours for that matter. She's too… bookwormy ya know? Reads too much and is a know-it-all. But, to each his own," Sirius replied.

          "Yea, G'night," James said.

          "Night," Sirius said drowsily.

          James lay there in his bed, starring at the ceiling, deeming to himself about everything for a long while. Before he finally went to sleep, he decided that nothing was happening between him and Lily and all was well. He then went into a tranquil sleep.

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,..,.,.,.,.,.

          The next day started out quite well. Lily and James strolled about the halls, hand in hand, sat next to each other in classes and at the meals; just as intended. They even got some glowers from invidious people, but both observed that none of them were Amos or Arabella.

          During their free period, they were to be seen in the library working on homework, but they were silent. James knew that boyfriends and girlfriends didn't behave like this, so he decided to break the ice.

          "Soooooo, Lily, what's your family like?"

          "I don't really talk about them," was her answer.

          "Why not?" James pushed.

          "I just don't," she said unequivocally, not looking up from her work.

          "My parents are aurors," James informed her.

          "Really?" she asked sardonically, looking up at him.

          "Yea," he said, jovial to get her to cease her work and failing to perceive the cynicism. "But they're scarcely ever home. Always at work by the break of sunup and home well after dusk. They've been really taken with Voldemort's ascent.  But luckily they got Christmas off for me."

          "Aurors fight dark wizards, right?" Lily asked, already knowing the answer.

          "Yup," James said with poise.

          "And aren't they supposed to thwart attacks on muggles and wizards?" she asked, also knowing the answer to this.

          "They try, it's not all that effortless ya know," James rationalized.

          Lily glared at him before responding.

          "Then why the hell weren't they there to stop Voldemort from fucking slaughtering my parents?!" she asked, elevating her voice vaguely.

          James looked at her shaken. Lily, grasping what she just said, blushed and went back to her work.

          James gawked at her for a bit and then said the initial thing that came to his thoughts.

          "I'm sorry."

          "It isn't your fault," Lily mumbled, "It's mine."

          Once again, James was flabbergasted.

          "How could it be your fault? You didn't kill them. That bastard did!"

          "It is my fault! If I weren't a witch, he wouldn't have slaughtered them! He murdered them because of me!" Lily said, yet again looking at him.

          "Lily, what makes you think that?" James asked.

          "It ensued last summer…" Lily launched.

_!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FLASHBACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_          "Come on Petunia! Pick a God damn bunch of bananas and let's go!" said a put out Lily._

_          "Calm down ya ugly freak! I'm not about to grab the nastiest bunch… Okay, we can go now," said Lily's elder sister, Petunia. "Why're you so nervous anyway?" she inquired._

_          "I just wanna get home. Something doesn't feel right," Lily responded._

_          They went through the checkout and it felt like forever to Lily. She stood there, tapping her foot intolerantly until her sister screeched at her, "Stop it you freak!" The ride home was just as demoralizing. Lily sat in her seat, drumming her fingers on the armrest. She didn't know why, but something wasn't right._

_          When her sister's car rounded the crook of their street, everything seemed to be in a sluggish movement for Lily. She glanced towards her house and saw an ominous, green, opaque skull hovering above it. She let out a shriek and flew out the car door, without waiting for her sister to stop._

_          "What the fuck are you doing?" Petunia yelled after her. Lily didn't hear her, her words engulfed into oblivion. Lily ran athwart the road, cutting through traffic. Cars blew their horns at her, but all Lily could distinguish was that she had to get to her house. She had to get to her mom and dad. She nicked through her neighbors yard, reaching her front steps._

_          "Please God," she prayed, "Let them be okay!" She stormed up the steps and through the open door._

_          "MOM! DAD!" she screamed as she entered the foyer. No answer. The only thing she got as a response was the silence, deathly silence._

_          She progressed into the living room and the sight that met her eyes nearly flung her into unconsciousness. The entire room was in a jumble. Destroyed furniture and papers were strewn all over the place. Her parents were lying on the floor in a puddle of blood._

_          Lily bawled, "NOOOOO! MOM!" She scurried over to her mother, who was already lifeless. "Daddy!" she cried, running to her father's side. He was still breathing. "Daddy! You're alive!" she exclaimed. "Why did he do this?"_

_          "Lily!" her father gasped._

_          "Shhh, daddy, don't speak. All will be okay," she tried to encourage with tears streaking down her face._

_          "I love you Lily," her father breathed and then he ceased to._

_          "Noooooo! Wake up daddy! Oh God, please let this be a dream! Let this just be a huge nightmare!" she pleaded. She hammered her fist on her father's chest, hoping against hope that he'd rouse. She stood up precariously and assessed the room again._

_          Written on the wall, in what Lily presumed to be her parents' blood, were two words that summed up why this was done, that answered her question. It read: _**_Die Mudblood!__ _She then fell back to the floor in sobs. She heard Petunia enter and shriek.__**

_          "This is **your** fault! It was done by **your kind! Get out of my house! OUT!" she yelled with tears running down her own face.**_

_-----------------------------------------------------End Flashback------------------------------------------------_

          "That day went so slow until I saw that mark. Then everything came crashing down," Lily said detachedly after she had described that ghastly day. "He didn't Avada Kedavra them because he wanted them to suffer. He wanted to make me suffer," she said, her face devoid of any sentiment.__

"Lily, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have coerced you to tell me," James said, shaken by her blank expression.__

"Don't trouble yourself about it. I told you because I needed to get off my chest, I needed to tell someone. I haven't even told Mollie," Lily said with awareness at what she did. "Please don't tell ANYONE!" she importuned.__

"I wouldn't dare," James said, placing his hand on top of hers. He gazed in to her eyes, the stunning jade orbs of Lily Evans. **_Lily Evans!_ They both realized that this hand touch and gaze was heartfelt and jerked away.__**

"Come on," Lily began, "it's almost dinner time." They strode off together, understanding what just occurred and struggling to overlook it and bear in mind their motive.__


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6 ~Kisses and a Bet_**

_"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up."_

~ James Baldwin

          During the next week, the plan was working pretty well. Amos actually said "hi" to Lily. And Arabella had asked Remus about James, but Remus didn't pass that on to James. Lily and James were actually getting along quite well since their little tête-à-tête in the library. They were starting to pull it off. Lily loved the looks she got when she was hugging James and it felt good. One time, she caught Arabella with her boyfriend, glaring at her with ice cold eyes.

          They spent even more time in the library "working on homework". They both got to know each other rather well. They were getting pretty close. And although they each tried to convince themselves otherwise, they began to enjoy their time together. They also knew that when they got their plan accomplished, they would become mortal enemies again, so they cherished their time alone.

          About a month later, on a Friday in the beginning of December, James and his friends were playing a prank on the Slytherins; one in particular was Severus Snape. Lily was sitting next to James when it all went down. The Slytherins were walking in when all of a sudden the Great Hall went dark and everyone was screaming in pandemonium. Then an announcer type voice came over the entire hall.

          "Ladies and Gentleman, it is my satisfaction to acquaint you with the girls of the Slytherin house!"

          Then, four spotlights fell on Lucius Malfoy, Severus Snape, Michael Crabe, and Anthony Goyle. Each of them had on a vibrant cocktail dress. Snape's was a fire truck red with black frills on the neck, cuffs, and bottom of it. His long, greasy hair was up on the top of his head with lots of curls. Malfoy was in a black lacey dress with red sparkles all over. It was low cut in the front and with the little added breasts from the Marauders, it left little for the imagination; as was the same with Snape. Malfoy's hair was done the same as Snape's.

          Crabe and Goyle were a little less extravagant. Their dresses were a little looser than the other two's because they wouldn't look quite as well with their massive carcasses. They also had wigs on because of their short hair. All of them had makeup on that looked really cheesy! Soon the announcer's voice came back on.

          "And now for your leisure, the young women will be singing for you all," it said.

          "No they won't!" came McGonagall's voice from the head table. "Misers Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew, would you _please take this crap off her! I mean him… them!" said the professor, while the whole hall erupted in laughter at what she had said and then the sound of them singing very unbearably._

          "But professor, don't you think they look much better this way?" James said innocently.

          "NO!" she said sternly.

          "Fine," James said as he waved his wand and they woke out of a sort of reverie. Once again the whole hall cracked up in mirth at the faces 'girls' made. Even McGonagall cracked a diminutive smile. All four of them hastily ran out of the hall and back to their common room.

          "James," Lily began, "that was really mean."

          "Your right," he said. "But it wasn't as bad as that one time when we charmed your bikini bathing suit underneath your robes and your robes to stay open and you couldn't change ALL day," James said, making Sirius crack up laughing hysterically.

          "That was great James. But the better one was the thing with the boils! We pulled that on her TWICE!" Sirius exclaimed.

          "Yea, that was good!" James said merrily.

          "You know, they weren't amusing for me!" Lily said with silent tears running down her face freely.

          "Lily… they were jokes… just jokes," James said still amused.

          "Yeah well, they weren't _just jokes for me!" Lily yelled while standing up and starting to walk out of the hall._

          "LILY! WAIT!" James said while running after her.

          "What? Come to laugh at me some more?" she asked acerbically, tears still streaming down liberally.

          "Calm down, I'm sorry okay?" James began cupping Lily's face with his hands, "for everything. I mean at first it was just for fun, I always prank everyone, but you were the only one who evened the score, the _only one! I could never handle something like that," James said earnestly, his face getting closer to Lily's. "This was all before I got to know you, I am truly sorry."_

          "James…" Lily started, but didn't get to finish. James had lowered his face to kiss Lily.

          His lips gently grazed against hers. It wasn't anything like what they had done before. It was real, sincere, and not fake. Lily just stood there, dazed by his actions. James stepped back and looked at her.

          "I'm sorry, I…" but he didn't finish. Lily had stood on her tip-toes to reach James' face. She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him down into an even more passionate kiss. James opened his mouth and licked Lily's top lip, asking for authorization to intensify the kiss. Lily voluntarily granted him the access needed and their tongues batted each other. Soon Lily broke this kiss for the need of air. She looked him in the eye and said breathlessly, "You have no reason to be sorry."

          They just stood there looking at each other, looking into each others souls, but soon their thoughts were interrupted by Mollie clearing her throat right next to them.

          "Okay you two," she said loudly so that the hall could hear, "break it up! We've got classes soon." She then added in an undertone so only they could hear, "That was perfect! Why didn't you guys tell me and Remus about this?" Lily and James looked at her staggered. "Ohh, I get it, you wanted our reactions to look genuine, okay, keep up the good work," she said as she walked away with a wink. They then both left, James' arm swung around Lily's shoulder affectionately.

          Mollie knew very well that that little sham wasn't planned, but she couldn't let them know that she knew it was heartfelt. She went and sat down next to Remus very in high spirits, bouncing in her shoes.

          "It's sooooooo working! _That_ wasn't planned," she said optimistically.

          "Well then, it seems we need to keep a closer eye on them," Remus said lightheartedly.

          "REMUS!" Mollie said smacking him lightly.

          "Hey! We do! They won't admit it, if I know James; he won't admit a damn thing. Meaning… they're gonna do stuff hush-hush, if ya know what I mean" Remus said like he knew all.

          "Really, we'll see if they admit it or not!" Mollie said.

          "Do I sense a bet coming on?" Remus challenged, offering his hand.

          "You better believe it!" Mollie said, accepting his hand.

          "Fine, if they don't admit to us that they love each other within a week you have to…………… do whatever I say for a **whole day!" Remus said with triumph written on his face.**

          "Alright, and if they do you have to… be nice to Snape for a day!" she said satisfyingly.

          "Okay, I am sooooooo gonna win this!" Remus said as he walked away.

          "You **wish**," Mollie said to his back.

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**_Authors Note_****_ ~ This is like one of the BEST chapters I've written! Finally some L/J action! There will be more!! I swear! I'm also thinking of some Mollie/Remus scenes. Tell me what you think about this. I can't believe how many reviews I got! It makes me really happy! I'd like to thank those who did review: Weasleyaholic, laura, met19, Nike1000, emerald-hopes, icebird-rising,_ ****_high?D_****_, liluvr, sarah, and imlosnoches. I can't believe I'm already up to 22 reviews on the fourth chapter! On my other story, I only have 33 reviews and that one has 15 chapters! I love you all sooooooo much! I think you all know what to do now, I mean, you've done it so well so far!_**

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**_**********************************FEAngel*********************************_**


	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7 ~Friends?_****__**

_"To fall I love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."_

~ Anna Louise Strong

          "Lily, I'm really sorry about that kiss," James apologized, "I should've stopped myself."

          "Hey, it was just a kiss," Lily waved it away with her hand. "Besides, we're both just as guilty as the other."

          "I didn't mean anything, did it?" James asked unsure of himself.

          "Well, did you want it to mean anything?" Lily asked bashfully.

          "I dunno, do you?" James asked, wanting to hear what she felt before he divulged into his feelings.

          The answer James got wasn't exactly the one he expected. He wanted her to say _yes James; it meant the entire world to me!_ But that wasn't quite what he got.

          "James," Lily began, while walking ahead, "I don't know anything anymore! Just last month you and I were lethal enemies and I was gaga over Amos. And now… now I don't know where I stand. I'm really confused!"

          "Well, what do we do?" James asked after he recovered from not getting what he wanted and catching up to her.

          "Maybe we should stop this shenanigan and get back to our habitual lives," Lily suggested, stopping to look at him.

          This was the last thing that James wanted to happen. "But what about Arabella and Amos? Don't we still wanna make them green with envy?" he asked hopefully.

          "I dunno… James, I just want my normal life back, grant it my life isn't that normal but… you know what I mean, normal for a witch," she said still insecure of herself.

          "Lily," James started gravely, "I don't know about you, but I still think this plan is our only option to get our crushes, our last resort and if we don't use it, then we'll never get the people we want!" _Permit it I could care less about what's-her-name any more, but you don't know that, James thought to himself._

          "James, I'm actually beginning to like you as a friend and I'm terrified about that. I can't have any friends," Lily said mellifluously.

          "What? Why can't you have any friends? You have Mollie don't you?" James now asked inquisitively.

          "Yes, but I already hurt her; I don't wanna hurt you," Lily said tensely.

          "Lily, I don't understand," James said, still bewildered.

          "Remember when I told you about my parents' death," Lily started misty-eyed. James nodded and she continued. "He killed them to get to me; to make me suffer. You see, the year before this, he asked me to go in with his side. It seems he thinks that I'm a very powerful witch and he can _let it pass that I'm a filthy Mudblood if I take this compassionate proposition," Lily said with repulsion. "That's the reason they were killed. He had left a note for me saying that this was only the beginning and more were to die if I refused._

          "Well, I wasn't about to turn wicked, so I of corse declined. Later, during the summer, I got an owl from him again. He was warning me that if I didn't join him he'd hurt me again. I ignored it and the next day, Mollie flooed over in tears telling me about how he had killed her parents, right in front of her. I knew right then and there that I had caused it and more would come if I befriended anyone else. James, I don't know what I'd do if I hurt you," Lily said, now weeping profoundly.

          "Lily, look at me," James said, directing her to face him by pulling up her chin. "None of that was your fault; you can't help what goes through that psychos head."

          "James, I'm so scared though," Lily said, now clinging on to James, forgetting the reason that this conversation even started. "I don't want anyone else to die because of me and I know he has his minions here at Hogwarts and they're all spying for him."

          "Shhh, Lily calm down please," James pleaded, stroking her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other, trying to soothe her. He couldn't help but feel how right it felt with her in his arms. "My mom and dad can take care of themselves, they are aurors after all."

          "I just can't help but feel that so many more bad things are going to happen because of me. Sorta like I've got this premonition, like with my parents, stuff just doesn't feel right," she said gazing into James' alarming ice blue eyes.

          James couldn't help himself. She looked so helpless and had the look of needing comfort. He pushed some locks of her fire red hair out of her face and leaned in. He tightened his grip around her waist and closed the gap. He brushed his lips against her, not wanting to push her, kissing her lightly. When she began to kiss back he became more vigorous. This time, it was Lily pushing to deepen this kiss. She wanted to let all of he anger and sorrow out and this just presented itself. Soon, their tongues were battling for domination.

          He then gradually pulled away from her face and said quietly, "Now I know this one meant something," with a quirky smile.

          "James, this is too fast," Lily said slowly, not really wanting to say it but feeling it necessary. "I've just become friends with you and I don't want to ruin it. Besides, we're not really that compatible. We'll end up bickering at each other and having a strenuous relationship. Can we just stick to the plan?"

          "If that's what you honestly want Lily," James said, extremely thwarted at this outcome.

          "Yes," Lily said without conviction. "Friends?" she asked, offering her hand.

          "Friends," James confirmed and ineptly shook her hand.

          "Thanks James, for comforting me," Lily added once they continued to their class.

          "No prob Lily flower," James replied. He couldn't help but notice that Lily shivered a little after that comment and her eyes misted over again. "What's the matter?" he asked concernedly.

          "My dad used to call me that," Lily said timorously.

          "Oh, sorry," James said regretfully.

          "No, it's okay. I kinda liked it," she said.

          Lily then began to think what her father had told her one day. **_Whichever one of you copious boyfriends calls you by my special nickname for you Lily Flower, will truly know you and fit you perfectly. Don't ever let that one go._**

          _But daddy, _Lily thought, _I have to let him go. I don't want to hurt him. Besides, he doesn't **truly** know me. I've just actually met him for the first time!_

          But it didn't matter; Lily knew that her dad was right and that James was perfect for her. But she couldn't love him; she couldn't love anyone. They'd end up hurt or dead because of her.

          _No one will ever be able to love me!_ She thought miserably as they entered the classroom.


	8. Chapter 8

**_Chapter 8 ~Shop till you Drop!_**

_"The most satisfying thing is life is to have been able to give a large part of one's self to others."_

~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

          The next day was Saturday and James, Lily, Mollie and Remus were chilling in the common room. Mollie, who was determined to win this bet, began badgering Lily and James about how the plan was going.

          "So you guys, how're things going. That act yesterday was TERRIFIC! I can't believe how _real_ that looked," she stated to them.

          "Ah well you know, I guess we're just good actors," James replied uneasily.

          "Yea, I guess. You guys seem a lot closer to each other too ya know? You aren't bickering at each other like you normally would," she pushed.

          "Well, we've come to an agreement to try and be friends. I mean we've gotta be nice to each other or else this won't ever work the right way," Lily covered.

          "Whatever!" Mollie sighed. Remus got a smug look on his face, which Mollie noticed and she scowled at him.

          "Yea, I think that I saw Arabella gawking at you Jamesie boy," Remus said, trying to push his side of the bet forward.

          "Really?" James asked, not quite engrossed but showing enough interest so they wouldn't suspect anything.

          "Yea, she was giving you dirty looks," Remus said talking to Lily.

          "Great!" Lily replied, trying to disguise her displeasure.

          Mollie was getting very tweaked with Remus and his haughty looks at her. "Come on Lily, let's go to Hogsmeade. Leave these _men_ to themselves," she said, seizing Lily's arm.

          "Do you guys want to come?" Lily asked.

          "NO! Lily we're gonna have some girl time," Mollie persisted while pulling Lily after her. After they left, Remus turned towards James.

          "So Prongs, How _does_ the plan go?" Remus asked.

          "Well Moony, I believe it's going rather well. Every time she and I walk past Arabella, I can feel her glaring at me. But…"

          "But what James?" Remus asked, trying to scare him out of talking.

          "Never mind, just brambling on," James waved away and Remus inwardly sighed. He really wanted to win this bet if it was the last thing he did. He had some _really_ good marauder-type ideas.

          "So, what do you want to do James?" Remus asked warily.

          "Well I haven't been Christmas shopping yet. I still have to get gifts for… two people," James replied counting in his head who he still needed to get something for. _Sirius and Lily, what am I going to get for her. Well I figure that I'll find something if I just look around._

          "Well then, let's go chief!" Remus said as he began to walk out of the common room.

          "Wait a sec Moony, we gotta get our cloaks, it _is December ya know!" James said as he walked up the staircase._

#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@

          "So, you and James are friends now? I never thought I'd she the day!" Mollie said, still trying to get the juicy stuff out of Lily.

          "Yea, he's actually quite nice once you get to know him," Lily said nonchalantly.

          "You know, he is kinda cute!" Mollie added, going into gossip mode.

          "He's not ugly, I'll admit to that, but I still think Amos is MUCH sexier," Lily lied.

          "Don't tell me that since you two have been 'going out' that you **haven't** thought of what he looks like underneath his robes!" she stated, trying to make Lily slip.

          "Okay Mollie, James used to be my mortal enemy, would I think about him like that?"

          "YES! I've done it," Mollie replied.

          "MOL! Why?" Lily asked appalled.

          "Hey, he's got a nice ass, what can I say?" she said calmly.

          "I will give him that, he _does have a nice butt," Lily said, giggling girlishly, "but, Amos' is better," she masked._

          _Damn! This girl knows how to cover! But I can sooooooooo tell she digs Potter! I'll make her slip sooner or later! Hopefully sooner rather than later. Something will crop up to make her screw up her little act and I'll be there when it happens. But I guess for now, I better lay off before she gets suspicious and questions why I'm behaving this way._

          "You're right, Amos does have a nice arse, but enough about boys, let's do what we girls do best: SHOP!" Mollie commanded more than suggested.

          "Good idea, I gotta get Christmas presents!" Lily said elatedly.

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

          James walked into a jewelry shop by himself. He had convinced Remus to stay behind at Zonko's with Sirius while he looked for his present. Luckily for him, Remus hadn't seen him walk into the shop or he would've known it wasn't something for one of the Marauders.

          He started looking in the showcases, searching for the perfect gift for Lily. He didn't want to get her anything to gaudy, but nothing to unadorned either. It had to be just right. He walked towards the box with the bracelets but his eyes then caught sight of a small box in the center of the room. Inside were three different sets of jewelry. His eyes skimmed over the glass and stopped over the set just right for Lily.

          The set consisted of a silver bangle bracelet, silver necklace and pair of earrings. Each piece of jewelry had the same charm on it, a very detailed lily. On the bracelet it hung kind of loosely and was a medium size. The necklace's charm was a little bit bigger, so as to show more. And the earrings were quite small. Next to it was a card that explained all about the collection.

          _Made in Ireland, this set is supposed to bring good luck to whoever wears it. The lily charms will change colors with the emotions the person is feeling. Normally a gift given by a lover, the charms will stop working if the person whom wears them stops loving the gift giver. Made by the most prestigious company in the wizarding world: Blarney Enterprises - 42 galleons, 5 sickles, and 8 knuts._

_Green = relaxed_

_ Blue = hurt/sorrow_

_Yellow = bliss_

_Purple = tense_

_Red = love_

_Orange = energized_

_Black = furious_

_Grey = mad_

_White = no more love for the giver_

          "May I help you sir?" came a feminine voice from directly behind him. James jumped with initial shock because he was absorbed in reading the card, but then he realized it was the clerk.

          "Yes ma'am. I'd like very much to buy this lily collection," he replied.

          "Ah, a very good selection," the clerk started as she began unlocking the case. "Blarney Enterprises has made some of the most exquisite pieces of jewelry we have here," she continued. "One of a kind, this collection is," she admired. "Let me just put these in a box and you can be on your way." She then walked behind the counter and James headed towards the register.

          James laid the money on the counter as the clerk carefully placed the jewelry in its boxes. She handed them to James and he laid them tenderly in his Zonko's bag so no one would suspect anything. He was then on his way out the door and back to Zonko's to hang with the guys, frenziedly trying not to look suspicious.

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          Lily and Mollie were window shopping around Hogsmeade when they crossed a store that neither of them had noticed before.

          "**_W & W?_** How come I never heard of it before?" Lily asked Mollie.

          "It's sort of like an el-cheapo store," Mollie said looking a little appalled. "Not many people shop there."

          "Oh, so it's sort of like Wal-Mart," Lily said in realization. Mollie gave her an uncanny look. "Muggle store, let's go in."

          "Lily, no, I'm not going to be seen in that store!" she exclaimed.

          "Come on girly! If it's anything like the muggle stores then it'll have good stuff, cheap!" Lily said as she pulled her best friend in after her.

          Lily was walking around the store. It was exactly like her muggle stores. It was huge, much bigger than it looked outside. Everything inside it was of great quality and it was not that pricey. Lily was astounded. She went over to the cosmetics section and couldn't believe her eyes. She looked over to Mollie and noticed that she looked like she'd just walked into a palace made of gold.

          "I didn't know it was like this!" she said before she ran over and started grabbing anything and everything she could reach. Lily just shook her head at her crazed friend and went off to look for presents.

          _What am I going to get him? I can't think of ANYTHING! I hate shopping for men! You never know what they want. Then again, it's normally not hard. A few Zonko's products or candies, but I want to get him something different, something special,_ Lily thought.

          She was walking down an aisle when something caught her eye. It was a book. An elegant dark leather bound book. Around the edges of it were golden designs for decoration. In the middle was a hole for a picture. It was beautiful.

          Lily grabbed the book and opened it. Inside were about 100 blank pages. "It's a photo album and it's perfect!" Lily exclaimed. "He'll love it!" She placed it in her shopping basket and went on shopping.

          When she was done, she went to look for Mollie. She went to the next aisle and found her by the hair care products. Next to her were two full baskets of make up and one of hair care. She had one in her hand that was already half full with more.

          "Having fun?" Lily asked, making Mollie jump.

          "God you scared me! Hell yes! I never knew this place had so much!" she said.

          "So, glad I brought you in here?" Lily asked wanting her to admit she was wrong, which she never did.

          "Yes, for once I was wr- I was… I-"

          "You were wrong," Lily laughed.

          "Yes okay, I was wrong! Happy? I said it for you!" Mollie half shouted.

          "Yes! It was the best early Christmas gift I could have gotten!" Lily joked.

          "Really? Well in that case, I'll just return what I got you," Mollie retorted.

          "Oh no you don't! I got you something good, now you better get me something just as good!" Lily said, thinking she was serious.

          "Calm down silly! I've already got it so there's no need to worry," Mollie reassured her.

          "Well that's a relief. Now come on, I wanna go to the Three Broomsticks before we leave," Lily said.

          "Okay, let me just finish here," Mollie said as she grabbed one of everything until her forth basket was filled. Lily just laughed at her.

          When they reached the Three Broomsticks, James invited them to sit with him and the Marauders. The girls happily obliged. When Remus saw Mollie's many bags from **_W & W_** he chuckled a little.

          "So, Mollie, you went all out huh?" he asked her.

          "I couldn't help it! It's only my nature to go hog wild when it comes to shopping!" she replied back. The whole table erupted in laughter.

          "Yea, I guess you're just like Sirius here when he gets inside of Zonko's," James said.

          "Hey! I resent that!" Sirius pretended to be hurt and the table laughed again.

          "Oh calm down ya baby!" James told him. "Butterbeer Lily?"

          "Yes, thank you," Lily replied. James ordered them both a butterbeer and they drank happily.

          "So," James started, "What did you get Lily?" he asked while trying to peek into he bag.

          "Stuff," Lily responded as she snatched the bag out of his reach.

          "Anything for me?" he asked.

          "Maybe," Lily said, trying to make him curious. "What did you get?" she asked him. James pulled up a Zonko's bag from under the table. "I should have known nothing but crap!"

          "It's not crap!" he defended. "Some of its Christmas presents."

          "Yea, okay," Lily said and they continued their conversation like that.

          "So Sanders, did she say anything yet?" Remus whispered in Mollie's ear.

          "No, but I know she does! You can tell by the way she looks at him. Did Potter say anything?" Mollie whispered back.

          "Now why would I tell you? But to answer you, no he didn't," he said, leaving out the part where James had faltered.

          "You can tell they do, I mean look at them," Mollie said. "Lily has a certain sparkle in her eyes when she's around him. She never hat that sparkle before, no even when she was thinking about Amos,"

          "Yes, they may love each other, but… will they admit it? Now, like I said before, if I know James, he won't admit a damn thing," Remus explained.

          "Well, all they need is a little persuading," Mollie said mischievously.

          "You've only got five days left, five days," Remus said as he pulled away from the conversation and starting one with Sirius.

          Mollie began observing Lily and James. Lily looked so happy. She was laughing at one of James' jokes, her eyes dancing as they looked at James lovingly. _I've known Lily for five years and she's not that good at acting. She can't even lie to a teacher, let alone the whole school! Lying is practically the same thing as acting. Besides, no one's so good at acting that they can fake that look at anyone, especially if they used to hate them. Now all I need to do is get her to admit she's not faking it,_ Mollie thought to herself. _Even James has that look in his eye! They both feel the same way, now they need to admit it damn it!_

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**_Authors Note_****_ ~ I hope you guys like this chapter and all the other ones. I didn't really get many reviews for the last chapie. I know you guys can do better than that. I'll try and write more as soon as possible. Not like I have much to do this summer. Please please be good readers and REVIEW!!!!_**

**_FEAngel258_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_And, after the LONG and TEDIOUS wait, the ninth chapter of The Last Resort!! YAY!! Just a note to all of those who started reading this when I first posted it: when I did that, it was in their fifth year, but a while back I changed it to sixth year, just thought I'd let you know._**

**__**

**_Chapter 9 ~Avada Kedavra_**

_"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves."_

~ William Shakespeare__

When they got back to the school, Lily pulled Remus aside in the entrance hall.__

"What is it Lily?" he asked.__

"Well, I was wondering if you could help me with something," she said slowly.__

"Yea, sure. Is anything wrong?" he asked concernedly.__

"No, I need your help with a Christmas present… for James," she said somewhat reluctantly.__

"Really? I'll help, anything you need, I'll help you with it," he told her.__

"Okay, I need you to get as many pictures together that would be memories he'd like to look back on," Lily explained, "You can get Sirius and Peter to help as well."__

"Alright. What are you getting him?" he asked curiously.__

"I'm putting together a photo album for him. Oh and if you three could make captions for the pictures that'd help a lot. Make it a little more special… more interesting," she added on second thought.__

"Sure Lil, I'll tell the others."__

"Thank you sooooooo much Rem and don't tell James!"__

"I won't!" he yelled over his shoulder as he headed up the stairs.__

"What was that all about?" Mollie questioned as she pranced over.__

"A Christmas gift for James," Lily said heedlessly.__

"Ooooooo! Whatcha get him?" Mollie asked animatedly. _This is a good sign, she thought.___

"A photo album."__

"Oh, I've got some pics that's be really good, you want 'em?" she offered.__

"Yea sure, the more the merrier!" The both of them then went up to the common room.__

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          Sunday afternoon, Lily found herself on her bed, surrounded by piles upon piles of pictures. Remus had supplied her with many of them, but Mollie had given her a few and Lily had a few herself. Remus' consisted of snapshots of their many pranks, their first year here and many more. Lily had a few of herself yelling at him for one of the many horrible pranks he had pulled on her. And Mollie, Mollie had had the audacity to take some pictures of them when they were acting as a couple.

          She picked up one of her and James sitting together in the common room. James was playing a game of chess against Sirius and Lily was right next to him. Her head was on his shoulder and her arm around his waist. Every once around in a while, the picture James would kiss the picture Lily and they'd look at each other lovingly. Sirius would roll his eyes and yell at him to focus on the game.

          _That looks so real!_ Lily thought as her and James started at each other again.

          **_Well maybe it is real!_** Said that annoying voice in the back of her head.

          _It can't be real, it's an act!_ She defended.

          **_Are you sure you were acting?_** It asked.

          _Yes…_ she thought hesitantly.

          **_Then how come you haven't thought of Diggory lately?_** The voice questioned.

          _I have too thought of him lately! I've just been busy, that's all,_ she reasoned.

          **_Yeah, busy thinking about James!_**

          _NO! Okay, I can't like James, _**He'll**_ hurt him! Lily yelled at herself._

          **_Right, it's not okay for ol' Voldie to hurt James, but its okay for him to hurt Diggory._**

          _NO! I didn't say that!_

          **_Not quite, but you'll go out with Diggory and not James… makes sense,_** the voice said sarcastically.

          _Whatever! I don't like James and that's final!_

          With that the voices stopped much to Lily's relief. She took the photograph she was holding and instead of putting it in the album, she stuffed it in the bottom of her drawer in her bedside table.

          _I don't really like him, do I?_

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          "So, Lily," Mollie initiated at dinner, "What did you think of those pictures?"

          _I loved them! I even have one in my dresser!_ "They were very funny, hardy har har har!" she answered scathingly.

          "Sorry! I thought you might like them! So, did you use any of them?" she asked warily.

          "Yea, actually I did. Thought he'd get a good laugh out of them," Lily countered.

          "You almost done?"

          "Yea, `bout halfway. I still need to figure out which one to put on the front," Lily said with annoyance.

          "Why not one of you to together?" Mollie recommended.

          "Right, and why don't I go up to him right now and profess my perpetual love for him!" she retorted mockingly.

          "What's that?" Mollie asked with anticipation.

          "I was being sarcastic. Besides, if I did do that he'd think I actually did like him or something. Ugh, that'd be wrong," Lily said. **_Yea, then how come you aren't really cringing?__ Shut-up! Lily said to herself._**

          "Yea, I guess it would be wrong. But, are you sure you don't have _any_ feelings for him?" Mollie asked guardedly. This was pushing the envelope.

          "WHAT? How could you think that? No! He is _just my friend and nothing more!" Lily yelled at her, _or is he?__

          "Whatever Lil, I didn't mean to offend you, I was just wondering. You guys seem pretty close," Mollie covered for herself.

          "Yea Mol, whatever you say. Just don't bring it up again," Lily commanded.

          "Okay Lil, it was just a question," Mollie said, ending the conversation.

          _How close is she though?_ Lily thought. _I know I harbor **some** feelings for him, but how profound are they? I mean, I'm not going to get myself hurt. James is somewhat of a player, but he seems so altered than before. Oh jeez, I need to get my life straightened out!_

          While Lily was thinking all this stuff, Mollie was pondering to herself as well.

          _Jesus Christ! I'm** never going to win this bet, and that means I have to do whatever Lupin want me to do! Just great! Come on Lily!! I can tell you like him! Just declare it to me! I've got till Thursday to win this bet or I'm at the beck and call of Remus Lupin. Oh God!**_

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          Sunday faded into Monday which melted into Tuesday. The week was going by too rapid for Mollie's liking. She had only two days left to get them to confess and Lily hadn't budged, nor James. As each day went on, Mollie got more perturbed and Remus got more arrogant.

          Lily had qualms of her own. She still wasn't quite sure what she felt for James. And she was sure he didn't return the feelings. She was very perplexed and couldn't decide where she stood. And for some reason, Mollie kept asking peculiar questions and getting fidgety.

          Tuesday night, Lily had finished the album, returned all the leftover pictures and picked the perfect shot for the jacket. It was a picture of the four guys in their first year in front of the train. They had their arms slung around each other and the biggest grins on their faces. It **was perfect.**

          Before Lily went to sleep, she went in her drawer and pulled out her picture of the chess game. She stared at it and smiled as the photo James and Lily kissed. _I've gotta figure this stuff out!_ She told herself as she put it away and pulled the bedspread around her. She wafted off to sleep almost instantaneously.

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          _Lily found herself walking towards a striking house in a pastoral area. It was a very cute cottage-type dwelling. She walked through the front door and into a living room. It was quite plain, with taupe carpeting, white walls, leather emerald green furniture and a TV stand. It looked almost muggle, but the wall hangings gave it away. The paintings were moving; it was a wizarding household._

          _No one was in the room, but voices were floating through the doorway towards the back of the abode. There was also a light on, the only one in the whole house. She began walking towards it and the dialogue became clearer._

          _"Will you stop pacing?" came a feminine voice that sounded indistinctly proverbial to Lily._

          _"I'm sorry sweetheart, it's just…" the second voice trailed off. It too sounded familiar._

          _"James, you trust Peter, don't you? We'll be fine!"_

          So, it's James! God, that means it's probably Arabella in there! _Lily thought._

          _She walked through the entry and saw an older James striding back and forth on a kitchen floor._

_          The years had been good to him. He was only about 23. He still had his untamable hair and sparkling periwinkle-blue eyes that Lily loved to gaze into. Even though he was wearing a shirt, she could still tell he had a nice set of muscles and a well toned chest._

Quidditch was good to him.__

_          He looked very distressed though._

_          She then turned her attention to the table and got a bit of a revelation. Instead of seeing the older and tan face of Arabella, she saw the fair face of an older from of herself. It was strange to say the least. She looked older than James, even though they were the same age, and worry was written in her expressions. In her arms was a charming raven haired baby. He looked almost exactly like James except the green eyes and pale skin tone, they were Lily's._

_          "I know we **should** be out of harm's way, but something doesn't feel right Lily," James said back, pulling the young Lily out of her reverie._

_          "I understand, but you're making Harry squirm and he doesn't need this. He's only a year old!" the older Lily said._

_          "I'm sorry. I don't need to be worrying out little fella now do I Harry?" James said more cheerfully as he took the baby, who Lily assumed to be Harry, from her older self and spun him around the room._

_          "James, be careful, he just ate!" her adult self admonished._

_          "Calm down! He's gotta learn how to fly somehow! And since you won't let me-"_

****

**BANG**__

_          Lily spun around and since she was standing in the entrance to the kitchen, she saw the front door blow away. She was pulled back to the kitchen by their hasty muted voices._

_          "Lily, it's him! Take Harry and go upstairs! Floo to Sirius', you'll be safe there!" James directed as he gave Harry to the mature Lily._

_          "What about you?" she asked back hysterically._

_          "I'll be fine. I'm gonna hold him off until you get away," he told her._

_          "NO! I'm not leaving without you! He'll kill you!" she yelled back as she flung her arms around him, juggling Harry in-between._

_          "Lily, GO! I'm not gonna let him hurt you!" he charged again._

_          "Nor I you!" she said firmly._

_          "LILY! You're going and that's final! If not for me, then for Harry; he needs his mom," James told her lovingly as tears began to flow down his face._

_          "He needs his dad too!" she persisted, weeping as well._

_          "Lily, please go! I love you, you know that! Now go!" he said quietly, choking on his tears._

_          "I love you too!" Lily replied with a lump in her throat._

_          "Aw, how touching!" came a cold high voice from behind the young Lily. It scared her half to death and she speedily ran into the kitchen. It was a man (if you called that a man) in a black cloak. It had its hood up, but you could still see its flaming ruby serpentine eyes._

_          "Lily GO!" James bellowed as he whipped out his wand. Lily began to run up the steps, Harry in arm. The young Lily was following close behind, but she had stopped half way up and turned around to look down._

_          "GIVE ME THE BOY!" it commanded._

_          "NEVER! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" James demanded. "STU-"_

_          "AVADA KEDAVRA!" laughed the high cold voice._

_          James fell to the floor in a flash of green light and was dead before he even hit it._

_          "NOOOOOOOOO!" screamed both Lily's. The older one looked like she was deciding whether or not to run to his side. But that decision was already determined for her as Voldemort made his way towards the steps. Both Lily's ran, the younger following the older. She ran into what looked like a nursery, closed the door and grabbed for a dipper bag, baby still in hand._

_          Just as she was about to toss some floo powder in the fire place, the door exploded and the creature/man waltzed in._

_          "STAY AWAY!" she screamed, holding Harry behind her back, tears gushing down her face profusely now._

_          "Just give me the boy and you'll be fine," it tried to coerce._

_          "NEVER!" she spat out._

_          "You stupid girl!" it now said in a sinister way. "You need not die!"_

_          "James gave his life for me and our baby; and it's not going to be wasted! You're not going to hurt him!" she shrieked. She clutched her wand and put it at the ready._

_          "IDIOT GIRL! AVADA KEDAVRA!"_

_          Another blaze of green illumination and the baby squealed into the night._

Lily woke up in a cold sweat. Her pajamas were stuck to her back and legs and she was twisted in her sheets. She sat there, thinking to herself as she tried unwrapped herself from her blankets.__

_          It was just a nightmare. I'm still 16 and at Hogwarts and James- JAMES!_ Lily leapt up and ran out of her dorm as inaudibly as feasible.  She swiftly ran up the staircase to the boys' dorm and slowed down when she reached the sixth year's dorm. She opened it a crack and squeezed in. She tip-toed towards James' bed and halfway there, a floorboard creaked.__

She stopped; her heart pulsating violently as she waited to make sure that none of them woke. The only thing she heard was a huge snore from Sirius. She continued creeping towards James' bed.__

_          Please let him be alive; let him be okay!_ She inwardly prayed. She sneaked through his curtains and saw him in his bed, sleeping serenely. Nothing wrong. Lily then noticed that he wasn't under the covers and had nothing on but his boxers. She blushed, even thought no one could she her.__

She sighed with relief and went back out of the room. Instead of going back to bed, she went down to the common room and sat down to mull over the dream. She was right in front of the fire, which was stoked because of it being December, and just starred into it.__

_          What does this mean?_ She asked herself.__

_          **Think a minute genius! It's not that hard!**_ Said her very irritating other half.__

_          Well, I'm married to him and we have a kid. Voldemort comes and kills us for our son… this makes _**NO**_ sense!_

_          **Yes it does! Right before you went to sleep, you said: 'I gotta figure this stuff out'! Well, now you have. You obviously love him.**_

_          I love him?_ She thought. _Oh My GOD! I do! I love James Potter!_

**_Authors Note_****_ ~ Hola Amigos! WOW! I can't believe I actually got this done! It took me forever! I mean, after reading OotP I had writers block. I really couldn't think of what to write I was so devastated. But, life goes on and JK doesn't do stuff like this without a reason. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, it took me forever to get done AND it's longer than normal (grant it – not as long as some of them that I've seen, but longer than my normal ones). Now, onto thank-you's:_**

****

**_angelface58_****_ ~I'm glad you love it and I plan on it!_**

**_LiL'AnGeL_****_*101_****_ ~ I like all your ideas, but I may use them a little differently than how_**

**_ you said. Thanks!_**

**_Sarkie_**_ ~ Tanky for supporting me with my ranting._****

**_LiLUmBrA_****_ ~ Thanks for agreeing with me about Ank!_**

**_Amelia Bedelia_****_ ~ I plan on keeping it my way as well, if I tried to change it it'd be _**

**_                   REALLY complicated_**

**_emerald-hopes_****_ ~thanks for agreeing with me about yelling at Ank, it really helped a lot _**

**_                   to. Helped me get over my depression. So, question, what did you do to make _**

**_                   yourself fell like a jackass. Just wondering._**

**_Hello there_****_ ~You flatter me. I am glad that you like this story and think it's that special_**

**_ and all, but it really isn't that special. I'm glad you think it's so good tho._**

**__**

**_IRIS_****_, perdy pink pineapples, freakyfroggurl22, Angel's Luv, Lovely, Cassie, zebragurl, gryffspopgurl, Mistress del Mare, Imlosnoches, Princess Pixie ice, met19, perdy pink pineapples, _**

****

**_And, a special thanks to all those people who agreed with me about the OotP. I really appreciate it. And, to Ank, I just have one question for you: You have only been yelling at me about my little authors notes, why haven't you commented of my story and what do you think of it? I just wanna know, because you haven't even given me bad comments about it._**

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**_WOW! That took FOREVER!! Well, now you all know what to do, REVIEW! And tell me if it's good, bad, or awful. Wait, I've got an idea. Rate it: A, B, C, D, or F._**

****

**_A = as good as it gets_**

**_B = not bad_**

**_C = could be longer and more descriptive_**

**_D = not that good_**

**_F = REALLY SUCKS!_**

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**_Well, get to typin'!_**

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**_FEAngel258*_**


	10. Chapter 10

**_Chapter 10 ~ Morpheaus - God of Dreams_**

_"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win."_

                   ~ Jonathan Kozol

          Even with this revelation, Lily had no clue what to do about it. The first thing she thought of was to go to Mollie. But when she thought it through systematically, she knew she couldn't. Mollie would just make fun of her. _I mean really Lily,_ she could hear her say, _and you used to hate his guts!_

          But Mollie would have willingly listened to her and not laughed at all, if only she could win this bet. By Thursday, the last day of the bet expanse, she was about to walk straight up to Lily and ask her. But… that would be cheating and if there's one notable attribute about Mollie Sanders, it's that she wins things, fair and square.

          By morning when Mollie came downstairs, Lily was still in the common room. Mollie noticed the lost look on her face.

          "Whassa matter wit you?" Mollie asked drowsily.

          "Wha… oh, nuthin'" Lily replied lackadaisically, not quite paying attention to her.

          "Lily, I've known you for like… ever! I can tell when something's bugging you. Ya know, like I got a physic link with you," she said, fully alert now and seeing how deep the look on her friend's face was. It was a strange mixture. She looked confused and yet… content, if that's what you'd call it.

          "Mollie, have you ever completely _hated something and then you see it in a new light and unquestionably _adore_ it?" Lily chose her words wisely, not wanting Mollie to catch on to what her real dilemma was._

          "I dunno, I think I have… yea, I have. You remember how I used to completely loath Quidditch, thought it was so humdrum. But then, when I played the actual game, I really began to appreciate it as an… art." Mollie explained. "Why?"

          "Well… it's just I've always hated… my sister," Lily said, thinking quickly of a person that Mollie knew she _really hated to try and cover for her new view of James. "And well… she's got this boyfriend now, the great ugly git, but anyways, when she's around him… she doesn't seem like the cold heartless bitch of an ice queen I know," Lily said something that was partially true. Her sister __did have a boyfriend and she __didn't act like a bitch around him, but that's as far as it went. She was still mean to Lily, but only when __Vernie wasn't around. In fact, she acted all lovey-dovey when with him. But Lily knew that she only did that to rub it in Lily's face that she didn't have a boyfriend, or anyone for that matter._

          "Petunia? Nice? You've gotta be joking!" Mollie said with a chuckle, unaware of what Lily was really troubled about.

          "Yea, but I don't know if she's really as mean as I think. Has your opinion about anyone ever changed that dramatically?" she asked, trying to get someone else's outlook on the matter.

          "Now that I think about it, yea," Mollie said, taking a seat across from Lily.

          "Who?" Lily asked hopefully.

          "Remus. Ever since we both got caught up in this little plan to help you and James, I've noticed that he's nothing like his cohorts. Sirius and James are well… Sirius and James. Rude and obnoxious, appalling and perverted and well, you get the picture. But Remus… he's actually intellectual and kinder. He's just not as… crude as those two," Mollie explained with a bit of exasperation. "But then again, he can be just as stuck-up as his comrades."

          "You think James is _that_ bad?" Lily asked.

          "Well, yea! I mean, you do to, he's an ignorant pig!"

          "Yea… you're right," Lily said softly, putting her head down in shame.

          "Aren't I always?" Mollie asked boastfully.

          At this Lily stayed silent. _No Mol, I don't think you're right at all. James isn't an ignorant pig. He used to be, but now… he's changed. She thought with self-assurance in her new found sensation._

          "Hey Mol, we better go get ready for the day, I mean we do have classes and whatnot," Lily tried to cover her silence.

          "Yea, your right," Mollie said, now a little skeptical about the discussion they just had. She wasn't quite sure if Lily really was talking about her sister anymore.

          The other girls in their dorm were already dressed and starting the days gossip on their way down the stairs. Lily and Mollie rolled their eyes at them as they passed. Yes, these two did like to gossip, but the other three, they made a daily practice of it. Once when they were in the dorm, they both burst out in laughter.

          "God! How pitiable can they get?" Mollie said between giggles as she reached into her closet to get her uniform.

          "I know!" Lily agreed; glad to get her mind off of James for a while.

          Mollie was done first.

          "Do you want me to wait for you?" she asked her friend.

          "Naw! I'm gonna be down soon anyway. Just go on without me," Lily said as she waved Mollie out of the room. Once when Lily could no longer hear Mollie's footsteps she turned to her reflection in the mirror.

          "How could I have let this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen!" she sighed as she plopped down onto the end of her bed. "I like him! How could I have let this happen! God! What'll everyone think? Well, everyone already thinks we're an item, except for Mollie and Remus. But what will _he think? Jeez, I'm in deep now! He can't find out! That's all that's gonna happen. I'll keep this to myself. No one will find out, I'll end up going out with Amos and forget I ever had these feelings for him," she told her self without conviction. She didn't really know how hard this was actually going to be._

          When Mollie got down to the common room Remus was there, looking smugger than ever.

          "Hello Sanders," he started haughtily, "You've got till sundown and then Friday… we got our rewards! Or, at least _one of us does."_

          "Yea, yea, yea Remus, whatever!" Mollie replied morosely.

          "Ah, I see you've come to realize exactly who's gonna win this bet," he said cockily.

          "Yea well, I guess my friend is more stubborn than I put her out to be. But, I do still have hope," she said, thinking back to this mornings exchange while giving him a contemptuous look.

          "Right Sanders, right," Remus said as he walked off.

          "My GOD! That guy has a LOT of nerve. But, he's still better than the other three. And he's kind of cute," she said aloud.

          "I know I am! Thank you soooo much for agreeing with me and the rest of the female population," came a voice from behind her.

          "Sirius! You are so conceited! I wasn't talking about you anyways!" Mollie retorted in disgust as she spun around.

          "Well, who else could you have been talking about?" Sirius asked in a huffy manner.

          "Oh please Black! There are many more men in this castle more alluring than you!" she said shooting daggers at him with her eyes, filled with pure hatred.

          "Oh, I see, our little Mollie has a crush on Wormtail here!" Sirius exclaimed, patting Peter on the head, who had followed Sirius down the stairs, staying hidden in his shadows, on the shoulder. Peter blushed profusely and looked a Mollie shyly. **_(A/N: DIE PETER DIE! Sorry, outburst I have these quite often when thinking about Pettigrew)_ Mollie returned the look with one of utmost repulsion.**

          "You must be kidding!" she shrieked, staring at Sirius as though he were bizarre.

          "Padfoot! How in the world could our Molliekins like Peter when she's obsessed with me!?" James asked as he strutted down the staircase.

          "HEY!" came Lily's voice from the other set of staircases, "_You're_ already taken! Besides, Mollie's a little taken away with Remus, if I do believe," she teased. Evidently, she had gotten over her self doubt as she walked up to James and planted a sweet kiss on his lips, continuing with the plan while enjoying every second of it.

          _This is just an act! That's all!_ She told herself.

          **_Then how come you liked that kiss so much?_** Her annoying voice bugged her.

          _Because, I admit I love him k? Geesh! I'm not a saint, but to him it's just an act!_ She countered.

          James thoroughly enjoyed this little kiss and leaned down for another, placing his arms around her waist as she snaked hers around his neck. Soon both of them had lost themselves in the kiss. The one savoring it to the last bit and the other wanting it never to end.

          They were soon interrupted from their heavenly bliss by the three people to whom they had left behind. Sirius was making imitations of them. ("Oh Lily! Just one more kiss!" "How could I refuse sexy!") Peter was laughing hysterically as though it were the funniest joke in the world. Mollie was just standing there, looking at Sirius and Peter as thought they were crazed pink elephants with purple polka dots trying to fly. Every few seconds though, she would shoot knowing glances towards the oblivious "couple".

          Once when they grudgingly pulled out of the kiss, they stared into each others eyes. Lily, suddenly remembering her new discovery about herself, blushed and quickly turned to Peter and Sirus.

          _What was that all about?_ James questioned himself. _She never blushed like that before._

          "And **WHAT**, pray-tell, is so funny Pettigrew?!" Lily asked frigidly and oddly formal. This shut him up at once because her eyes were ice showing her complete disgust at him. The short, chubby rat-like boy was clutching his sides laughing obnoxiously like an over excited pig. His already watery eyes were running with tears of mirth.

          "Awww, Lil, lighten up!" Sirius said jovially. "He was just laughing at me making fun of you two!" He then began to make crude loud kissing noises, adding in the occasional "Oh James" or "Oh Lily".

          Lily froze in mortification, her face blending into her hair. Then, deciding not to take his crap pushed her humiliation aside, trying to remove the redness from her face.

          "**SIRIUS MORPHEUS BLACK!**** YOU _WILL_ PAY!" she screeched, her face now red, but not because of her chagrin but because of her anger.**

          "JAMES!" Sirius whined at his best friend. "You told her my middle name? HOW COULD YOU!?"

          "Your middle name is _Morpheus_?" Mollie asked amid hilarity.

          "Yes, and just to let you know that Morpheus was the God of Dreams, so it fits me very well!" Sirius defended, getting full of himself again.

          "Sirius? God of Dreams? Okay you must be dreaming! One, you are NO god, and two, why would anyone dream about you?" Mollie said, laughing harder than ever.

          "**SIRIUS MORPHEUS BLACK!**** YOU BETTER START RUNNING!**" Lily screamed as she grabbed her wand out of her robe pocket and chased Sirius out of the common room. The other three just stood there listening to Sirius' yells for "SANTUARY!" and Lily's screams of rage, "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!"

          "Well, I guess I best go and get Lily off of that dimwit," Mollie sighed, still laughing.

          "Yeah, and I better go and apologize to Sirius, he's gonna hate me," James said as they began to walk out. Peter just lagged behind in James' shadow.

          "God of Dreams?!" James heard Mollie utter under her breath, "What were his parents thinking? Him the God of Dreams!" James just chuckled to himself.

          By the time they're first class came around (Transfiguration) Sirius and James weren't talking and Sirius had neon green hair and a sign on his back that said, _My name is Sirius Morpheus Black and I am and a gay man whore who is the God of Dreams so come and get it!_ **_(A/N: yea long I know but… funny right?)_** Sirius knew all about the green hair, but he had no clue about the sign on his back. Lily was quite satisfied with her revenge. James was infuriated by the fact that his best friend was upset over a little name.

          When they entered the classroom, Lily and James sat together to "keep up appearances" for their "little charade". Remus and Mollie sat together for lack of people to sit next to, right behind the first two. And Sirius grabbed Peter and dragged him across the room to the other side to sit with him. 

          Professor McGonagall looked at James first and then Sirius. She was so shocked that they weren't sitting together she didn't even notice the new hair color. _Sirius and James are normally inseparable, why aren't they sitting together?_ She wondered. She then noticed Sirius' unusual hair color.

          "Mr. Black, may I ask how your hair got to be a green color?" she asked him, looking amused and confused at the same time.

          "One: you just asked it already," he replied smartly with a little bit of anger twisted in his voice, "And two: that would be Miss Evans' fault."

          "Miss Evans! What is the meaning of this?" she asked shocked, generally Lily didn't do anything this eccentric.

          "Sirius was being an egotistical brat and making fun of me for kissing my boyfriend, so I was just returning the favor," Lily explained calmly.

          "Mr. Black? Is this accurate?" McGonagall asked severely.

          "So what if it is?" he asked brashly.

          "I am mortified in the both of you! Ten points from Gryffindor, each!" she exclaimed.

          "But… professor! I was only retaliating!" Lily replied, standing in her defense.

          "Two wrongs don't make a right Miss Evans, now please sit down," she commanded. "Now, Mr. Black, is anything else wrong? I'm wondering why you aren't sitting in your normal seat," she asked, now looking at Sirius who had taken his punishment silently, being used to that type of treatment.

          "Yes Professor, but I'd rather not talk about my conniving, lying ex best friend," Sirius replied now getting angrier.

          "Mr. Potter, what happened here?" she asked now turning to the other side of the room.

          "Sirius just overreacted at the fact that I told my girlfriend here," James motioned towards Lily, who blushed at being referred as his girlfriend in front of the whole class, "his middle name," he said coolly.

          "I see. Well, now that I know what childish antics is the rationale for the tension in my classroom, maybe we'll have a prank-free class today," the professor said, pulling out her lesson plan and starting the class after ten minutes of wasting it. The whole class groaned for they had been wrapped up in the conflict between everyone's favorite group.

          "Don't complain, we wasted the first quarter of our class and you'll be lucky if I don't give extra homework because of that," she said glaring at them, her lips exceptionally thin. This shut the class up quickly.

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          _The creature/man walked towards the squealing baby. He lazily kicked the woman's body out of the way with ease and pointed his wand directly at the child's heart._

          _"Now, you'll threaten me no more and I will continue my rise to power!" it said menacingly. "Avada Kedavra," it laughed sinisterly. A string of green light shot out of the end of the wand and hit the baby. An explosion to rival that of the atom bomb sounded. Green light now filled the room and almost as suddenly as it appeared, it retracted._

          _Instead of the three presences that were there mere seconds before, there were only two, the body of the woman and the now silent baby. The curse that had killed his parents had somehow not harmed him at all and instead made the evil that had possessed the house to turn into nothing but a wisp of smoke._

          _There was eerie silence. The child just stared at his mother's body, making attempts to get her attention. Soon it began to cry. On his once smooth forehead was an unusual lightning bolt shaped scar. It kept crying and crying and Lily now realized she was back at the house she was in just last night. She felt the need to just walk up to the baby and cradle it in her arms to try and sooth it._

          _She silently tip-toed up the changing table the child was on and began to whisper to him._

          _"Shh, shh.__ Be quiet Harry, calm down, please!" she pleaded as she began to stroke his back. Surprisingly, she could touch him and feel him, even if this is just a dream. She picked him up and began to rock him in her arms, starting to hum an unknown melody. The baby seemed to feel safe in her arms. He began to coo at her and grabbed for her hair._

          _Soon Lily heard a bang from downstairs and began to fret that it was the creature/man again. She put the baby down on the table and went to shield him from whatever it is that is entering the house. She began to walk down the stairs and saw a man kneeling next to James' dead body. He seemed to be crying._

          _She walked closer and noticed he looked familiar. She crept closer yet and recognized the silky black hair and muscular tan body. He may have been older but Lily would have recognized Sirius anywhere._

          _"Sirius?" she spoke. He didn't look up. "Sirius?" she said again, only louder. He didn't seem to hear her. She walked towards him but found that she only walked through him._

          _Sirius then stood up abruptly and said, "I swear James, I'll make him pay! He won't get away with this! We trusted him and he betrayed us the whole time! I will avenge your death!" He then began looking for Lily._

_          "LILY! LILY? Are you here?" he yelled and it echoed throughout the house. Soon childish cries met Lily's ears._

          _"SIRI!__ SIRI!"_

          _Lily knew who it was, and it seemed so did Sirius. The baby must've recognized Sirius._

          _"HARRY?!__ Harry, you're here!" Sirius yelled gleefully as he ran up the stairs to the nursery. Lily followed, only to see what was to happen. When Sirius ran into the room, he went straight for Harry, who was now shrieking, "SIRI!" Sirius, however, didn't notice the dead body on the floor and tripped over it._

          _"Lily?" he questioned hoarsely. "No! Oh god! This can't be happening! Why would he do this? We trusted him!" Sirius sobbed as he hung onto the dead corpse._

          _"Mummy?"__ Harry asked timidly. "Siri! Mummy!" he said pointing towards Lily's dream self._

          _"Hey bud," Sirius said in fake merriment as he headed towards Harry and ruffled his hair, "Your mummy's gone for now, but I'm going to take care of you, I swear. I won't let him hurt you!" he swore._

          _"Black!__ I don' think tha's a good idier," came a booming voice from the door._

          _"Hagrid!__ I'm his guardian now, his godfather, I'll take care of him," Sirius said to the giant man._

          _"Black, I'm sorry but I've got orders from Dumbledore, need ter take 'Arry to 'im an e'll live wit his aunt," Hagrid explained._

          _"With_ Petunia_?"__ Sirius said in shock, "Dumbledore's going to send Lily and James' son to some muggle_ home where they completely _hate_ the wizarding world? Has he gone mad?"__

          _"Now you listen 'ere!" Hagrid boomed, "E's not crazy! E's got 'is reasons! You know you've got to trus' 'im!"_

          _"You're right Hagrid. Here, take him. Make sure he's safe. I won't be able to take care of him anyway," he said somberly. "And take my flying bike too; you'll have more use of it than me. I won't be needing it anymore."_

          _"Ya sure?__ Tha's yur favorite objec'!" Hagrid questioned._

          _"Positive. The only thing important to me now is Harry and I won't be needing that bike. Besides it'll get you to Dumbledore quicker. Now take him and go," Sirius commanded._

          _"SIRI!!"__ Harry squealed as Hagrid took him from Sirius' grip. "SIRI!"_

          _"Now Harry, Hagrid's taking you to where you need to go okay? He won't hurt you. Now be good and make sure not to forget me. Goodbye Hagrid!" Sirius said with a sad wave and with a 'pop' he was gone._

          _"C'mon 'Arry, yer goin' ter see yer aun'ie," Hagrid said as he cradled the tiny child in his massive arms and began to walk outside to the jumbo motorcycle on the lawn._

          _"Siri?__ Mummy? Dada?" Harry asked sorrowfully, almost as if he knew his fate wasn't good at all._

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          It was break-period and James was up in his dorm finishing up his Charms homework that was due next period. With 15 minutes left of break he finished the essay and began to head down to the common room. Once when he reached the room, he went to go relax on a sofa in front of the fire when he noticed Lily.

          She was sitting at a table with papers and books spread around her. But she wasn't working on them, au contraire; she was asleep on top of them. And it was a fitful sleep. James decided to go and wake her up quickly when she began to cry.

          "Lily? Lily, wake up," James said, shaking her shoulder urgently. He'd never seen her cry like this. It was a desperate crying, a crying that someone would do if they were seeing something horrible and couldn't do anything about it.

          "Lily, we've got class soon," James said, hoping this would get her up.

          "Harry! James! NO!" she cried out as she sat up straight.

          "Lily, whose Harry? What's wrong?" James asked concernedly. He was a little curious as to why Lily would be yelling his name in her sleep.

          "James? James, what time is it?" she asked when she came to and noticed her surroundings.

          "Lily, what were you dreaming?" he asked her gently.

          "Oh, it's nothing," she said as she wiped away the tears that she just noticed were streaking down her face.

          "Lil, you were crying, it's not nothing if you were crying," he said reassuringly.

          "James I'll… SHIT! I'll tell you later K? We've got class in five minutes!" Lily exclaimed as she looked up to the grandfather clock beside the fire.

          "Promise?"

          "Promise!" Lily said without thinking as she rushed to put her papers and books in her bag.

          When Lily got to her class, she sat down next to Mollie.

          "Hey Lil, what's wrong now?" Mollie asked noticing her upset face.

          "Mollie, I've gotta tell you something later, okay. It's REALLY important and can't wait much longer," Lily whispered urgently as Flitwick came into the room.

          "Okay."

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**_Authors Note_****_ ~ Heya guys! I am sooooooo sorry for the long wait. But to make up for it, this chapie is quite longer than the others. It's been kinda hard because I was grounded from the computer for a while and then I was going to the festival and just a bunch of crap going on. Anyway, don't you just love my last divider thingy? I thought it was kinda funny!_**

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**_This chapter what fun to write, but it took forever. Next Chapter: We find out what Lily's going to tell Mollie, we find out who wins the bet and how their "rewards" go. HEHE! I'm soo evil aren't I? Well, I'll try and post more as soon as I can. Not much else to say except my thank yous! I can't believe how many people are reading this very crappy story (at least in my opinion!) Most of you said that the last chapter was A+ material. Do the same little grading system thingy for this chapter. And I'm not doing my little individual thank yous because I don't have enough time and I want to start the next chapter and post it as soon as I can._**

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**_Love ya all A LOT!_**

**_FEAngel_**

**_PS ~ REVIEW!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!_**


	11. Chapter 11

**_Hey guys! I'm sooooooo sorry I haven't updated in AGES! At first I was working on the chapter to begin with right? Then I had to go on vacation at the end of July beginning of August. Then I came home, had five days until I went on vacation again for another week. _**But**_ to make up for the LOOOOOONG wait, I'm made this chapter kinda long. And, it's a little _**sour**_, if you get my drift. And I kinda lied about the bet thing, we don't find out the consequences of the bet until, hopefully next chapter. Now, do enjoy!_**

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**_Disclaimer_****_ ~ I don't know why I'm bothering with this right now, I haven't before! But anyway, just so yawl know, I'm not JKR and MOST of the characters and settings don't belong to me. But the plot, the main part of a story, is mine!_**

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**_Chapter 11 ~ Desire, Need and…Love?_**

_"Woman begins by resisting a man's advances and ends by blocking his retreat."_

~ Oscar Wilde

          "Well Lils, what's buggin you?" Mollie asked her best friend who was stuffing her face with cookie dough ice cream. They were in their "hiding place", the Room of Requirement. Since Lily was the first one to enter the room, it was full of comfort foods such as chocolate, pizza and butterbeer, but most importantly, her ice cream. It also had lots of fluffy pillows that would make her feel reassured.

          "You have to swear not to tell _anyone! Not a single living soul!" Lily said after she gulped down a big spoonful of ice cream._

          "Lily, I'm your best friend! You know you can trust me!" Mollie said, but Lily gave her a look that said, 'say it now or I'll leave without a second thought'. She sighed in defeat and then, "Fine, I swear."

          "Okay, this is really hard for me-"

          "Just spit it out Lil, there's no one else here!" Mollie encouraged, getting really worried from the frightened look on her friends face.

          "Iminlovewithjamespotter," Lily said in one breath and as quickly as she could.

          "W-what? I didn't quite catch that," Mollie said, not sure she wanted to hear this.

          Lily took a deep breathe to steady her jumbled nerves. "I'm… I'm… I'm in l-love with… James Potter," she faltered.

          "Oh… my… god! OH MY GOD! Are you serious?" Mollie asked as she began to jump up and down hysterically.

          "It's not that good of a thing, I mean… why are you so happy anyway?" Lily asked curiously.

          "Well-" Mollie stopped jumping and thought of what to say, "It was kinda obvious. Why'd you make me promise not to tell anyway, it's not like everyone already thinks you don't like him. Why do you like him anyway?" she bombarded her.

          "Okay, I figured out I liked him because I had these dreams-"

          "Oooo, love dreams?" Mollie teased.

          "NO! It sorta showed us in the future. V-voldemort came after us. We w-were married and had a k-kid. H-he killed us both and then tried to k-kill our b-baby," she said as she thought back to her tragic dreams.

          "Whoa, Lil, that's deep!"

          "Yea, I know! And he's changed a lot since this little charade. He helped me and was very understanding when I told him about my parents and-"

          "Wait, what about your parents?" Mollie asked, now seriously worried.

          "Oh… that's right… I didn't tell you…. um… well they were… they were um… m-mur-mur- KILLED BY VOLDEMORT!" she yelled, just spitting it out.

          Mollie gasped, "Lily, why didn't you tell me?"

          "Because I didn't want to b-bother you and then later on you came over and told me yours were k-k-killed. And it happened b-b-because of m-m-me!" Lily sobbed as she hung her head in shame.

          "Lily, hun, how do you know this? I mean, it might not be-"

          "True? It is! I got a letter! From _him!" Lily exclaimed. "He wants me on _his side_. He thinks I'd be a great asset to his army of evil," she clarified, getting more confidence as she rambled on._

          "But Lily, why would he want a _Mudblood on his side. I mean he is __Mister-I-hate-all-Mudbloods, no offense," Mollie added._

          "He thinks I'm some kind of powerful witch and he can't do without me on his side or something on that order. But Mollie, I'm not that powerful and… and he told me that he'd keep hurting my friends and family!" Lily explained. She sighed, "That's why I can't li- love… James."

          "Why not? I mean you," Mollie started out and then saw the desperate look on her friends face. "You really do love him? Don't you?" she asked as she saw all the grief and sadness surrounding her friend.

          "With all my heart… and it scares me! I don't _want to love him! Voldemort will get to him if he finds out! But I can't live without him! When I'm away from him I feel as though I'll crumble into a million pieces, dissolve away into nothing. I feel as though I _am_ nothing! But when he's around, I _know_ I have a meaning on this earth, and that's to be with him! But I can't! And if he finds out! Oh GOD! I'm gonna end up slipping it after a kiss or something, I mean, I'm never able to think properly after them! I'll end up telling him that I love him or something! Mollie, I need your help! You HAVE to help me get this plan done and over with SOON!" Lily went on and on and on. Mollie took a hold of her shoulders and shook her._

          "Okay Lily, take a breath! Good! Now, tell me this, nod, yes or no okay? Do you love him?" Lily nodded. "Now, answer this, if you love him do you think it will go away as quickly as that?" Mollie asked, snapping her fingers. Lily shook her head. "Good, now we're getting somewhere. Do you think you'll be able to keep it from him?" Lily shook her head again. "Now, after I ask this question you may answer in normal terms, what do you think you should do?" Lily sat there, thinking.

          "I… I don't know," she said slowly.

          "Okay Lily, if you do love him and you don't think that you can keep it from him, don't you think he'd rather find out from you than from his own suspicions?" Mollie now asked.

          "So, I tell him?" she asked unsurely.

          "You should, but I'm not telling you to, I'm just giving you my advice."

          "Could you-"

          "NO Lily, I'm NOT talking to him for you, this is something you have to do on your own. Think about it okay?" Mollie asked as she headed towards the door.

          "Okay… bye," Lily said as she turned back to her ice cream.

v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v^v

                             _Sanders,_

_                   Meet me out by the lake at six. We'll watch the sunset and then see who won our little bet. Well, I've got to go and make a list of what you're going to do for me tomorrow._

_                   See ya soon,_

_                             Remus_

Mollie crumpled up the letter she found on her bed upon returning to her room and tossed it into the trash can. _If only you knew Lupin, if only you knew. Ah well, I better get going._

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          Mollie began walking towards the shore of the lake. The sun was setting on the far side and the sky was a deep blood red. _It'd look really beautiful if I didn't feel so shitty, she thought to herself. Soon, the ominous shadow of one, Remus Lupin, began to take form. _Great! I'm not even going to be able to watch the sunset in peace!__

Once she reached the shore, she sat down beside Remus and brought her knees up to her chest.

          "I take it by the long face that I have indeed won the bet?" he asked knowingly.

          Mollie sighed heavily and hung her head between her knees. "Yes Remus, you won the bet. Are you happy? Do you feel good? You beat me! I lost and I'm admitting it, so how does it feel?" she asked, starting off softly and getting louder as she went on, now looking up at him expectantly.

          Remus was shocked to say the least. He expected her to be angry and calling him derogatory names, not sulking and acting as though someone died.

          "What's wrong?" he asked as he plopped down beside her and sat Indian style.

          "Like you'd care!" she said, shutting herself from him and hugging her knees closer.

          "Mollie, so what? You lost a stupid bet, the world isn't gonna end!" he tried to encourage.

          "That's just it Remus, I _did win the bet," she said, looking into his amber eyes._

          "But you just told me that I won," Remus told her, thinking she was going crazy.

          "Well, technically you did. I was supposed to get BOTH of them to confess, but I only got one to. And now that I have, I feel really bad… I shouldn't even be telling you this," she said and turned her attention back to the sunset.

          "Why do you feel bad? Mollie, you can talk to me," he told her, putting an arm around her shoulder.

          "Because Remus, I was toying with their hearts! I should have never accepted the bet, I wasn't thinking. Lily confided in me and I'm just throwing her trust out the window," she said as she shrugged off his arm. "We were being inconsiderate in trying to push this little plan of our own forward. We should have just let fate run its corse."

          "Hey, if you don't want to go through with the bet, you don't have to. I mean-"

          "No Remus, a bet's a bet and tomorrow I'll be under your control," Mollie said as she looked back at Remus with defeat and guilt written in her eyes.

          "Are you sure?" he asked, not wanting her to feel worse.

          "Positive. Now, could you leave me alone for a little, I need to think," she said, looking out at the lake again.

          "Okay Mol," he said and began to walk away. Before he could get even a foot away, Mollie began to talk.

          "It really is beautiful, the sunset I mean. I've never seen them at home like here. If only life were like this, beautiful and peaceful all the time. But our lives will never be like that, not with Voldemort. Our lives will never EVER be peaceful."

          "What do you mean?" he asked, now very curious, squatting down next to her.

          "Not only did I find out about Lily loving James, but I found out that her parents were killed over the summer, Voldemort wants her on his side and my parents were killed because of that! Now what's a girl supposed to do when her world is turned upside down?" she asked.

          Remus was dumbfounded. "I-I dunno."

          "Yea, unfortunately, neither do I," she sighed.

          "Mollie, is all of this true?"

          "Yes, Remus… thanks, for listening," she said and gave him a hug.

          "No problem Mol. Are you sure you still wanna go through with the terms of our bet?" he asked.

          "Remus, we shook on it. Now I don't know about you, but I keep my promises!" she said, cracking a smile.

          "If you're sure…"

          "Yea, I'm sure."

          They sat there together in a comfortable, understanding silence, watching the sun set. During this silence, they made a sort of truce.  They had an understanding and their opinions for each other were changed quite a bit.

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          _Do I tell him or not?_ Lily pondered to herself as she sat in her room. _If I tell him I could risk loosing everything I already have with him but also have a chance to have so much more. And if I don't, well then nothing will happen at all. She told herself logically. __Okay, I've figured out that I need to tell him, now all I need to know is when._

_          **No time like the present ay?**_** Said that oh-so-knowing voice in the back of her head.__**

_          You're right, I'll go find him and talk to him now!_ She thought confidently.__

She walked out of the Room of Requirement and headed towards the common room. When she walked in she noticed that Molly, Remus, and Sirius weren't there and that James was over sitting in front of the fireplace.__

_          Calm down Evans! You can do this, you have to do this!_ She told herself. Taking a steadying, deep breath, she slowly began to walk towards James. She sat down quietly next to him on the sofa, not saying a word. She began to stare into the fireplace as well, trying to see what James was looking at. They sat in silence for a while, neither one acknowledging the others presence.__

"You know, Sirius and I have never been in a fight before," James said suddenly.__

"I'm sorry, I should've kept my big mouth shut," Lily replied faintly.__

"It's not your fault," he replied reassuringly, looking at her.__

"Everything ends up becoming my fault," she said even softer, shyly almost.__

"No it doesn't Lily! None of this crap that's happened is your fault and don't ever tell me it is again," James told her sternly.__

"Whatever, I'm not up to having this fight. Besides, I need to tell you something," she added slowly.__

"Yea, I was wondering when you were going to tell me about your dream," James said, looking back at the fire.__

"What? When did I say that?" Lily asked, not remembering her promise in her rush to get to charms.__

"Right before charms class, remember? I had woken you up and you were crying?" he reminded her, looking back at her.__

"Oh, yea. Look, can we go elsewhere to talk about this?" she asked, not wishing for anyone to overhear their conversation.__

"Sure, let's go to my room. Remus is outside somewhere with Mollie and Sirius and Peter are in hiding, probably in Hogsmeade trying to convince the bar tender to give them drinks," James said, getting angry at the thought of Sirius.__

"Hogsmeade? I'm not going to ask… lets just go," Lily said calmly.__

They both headed up the staircase to James' dormitory. Lily had only been there once before and that was because of what she's gonna tell him now. She blushed at the thought of how James looked that night.__

"Are you okay?" James asked, seeing her blush.__

"Yea, I'm fine," she responded automatically.__

James opened the door for Lily out of habit and closed it behind himself.__

"You and Sirius will make up," Lily said confidently, remembering her dream. She sat down on the edge of his bed.__

"You sound so sure," James said moodily, following Lily in sitting down next to her.__

"That's cuz I am. He's your best friend James, and that's not gonna change just because you told your girlfriend his middle name! He's just a little upset, he won't-"__

"Lily, as much as I'd like to hear your ramblings, that's not what we came here for," James said, "besides, how do you know we'll make up?"__

"Because… I just do," Lily said, still not wanting to divulge into her dream.__

"Lil, talk to me," James said, putting his hand on her shoulder, trying to console her.__

Lily took another deep breath to calm herself. "James, that dream was… awful. It… it was about you." She paused. "You were older and… and married, with a… with a baby. Oh he was beautiful James, looked just like you! An-anyway, V-voldemort came. He… he w-wanted t-to kill the b-baby. You and m-your w-wife w-wouldn't let h-him, so he… he k-killed bo-both of you!" She paused again, tears now streaming down her face. James had his arms around her out of instinct to comfort her and she had leaned into him.__

"Lily, go on," he encouraged, giving her a quick squeeze of a hug.__

"He… he then tr-tried to-to k-kill the baby, b-but it… it sorta b-backfired and he w-was g-gone instead of the b-baby." Lily was now holding onto James for dear life.__

James was rubbing her back soothingly, trying to calm her. He was now leaning against the headboard of his bed for support.__

"Lily, it was just a dream, it doesn't mean anything."__

"No James," she sniffed, "it wasn't. It was like a… a vision or something." Lily was now looking up at James. "And you know that I don't believe in that divination crap… but it looked to real for my liking, and I told you I had a bad feeling…" she trailed off. Her face now buried in James' shirt, which was soaked by her tears. He was still rubbing her back comfortingly, his head now resting on top of Lily's.__

"Don't worry Lil, I won't let anyone get to me or you," James said, not realizing what he had just inferred.__

"Oh James!" Lily sobbed.__

"Shhh, it's okay." James now pulled Lily's face up by her chin so he could look at her. "Everything will be okay, I promise." To seal his promise, he leaned down and placed a tender kiss on her lips, which she soon began to intensify, out of the need for comfort, on both parts.__

They both leaned back into the headboard. James' hands soon began to roam and were now sensually rubbing her sides. Lily's legs were wrapped around his stomach in an effort to get him closer, her arms around his neck. She tilted her head back in sheer pleasure and James began to kiss the newly acquired flesh. He trailed kisses down her neck and she let out an unintentional moan that she didn't know she had. This encouraged James more as he ravished her collarbone with kisses.__

"Oh God James!" Lily moaned as he reached for her breasts and began to massage them, still kissing her neck and collarbone. He ran his thumb over her erect nipples and got yet another moan from her.__

He moved his hands away from her front and around her waist. She let out a groan of frustration because he had stopped something that had felt so good. James lifted her up and laid her down on the pillow, placing himself on top of her, but not placing his full body weight on her. He closed the curtains for more privacy, even though no one else was in his dorm, also out of habit. His hands and mouth went back to their occupation in adorning Lily with the attention needed.__

Lily, getting riled, began unbuttoning James' shirt. Once all the buttons were done, her hand caressed his well toned abs. She then slid her hand up to his shoulders and slipped the shirt off. James began to lift Lily's shirt up as well. Lily, realizing what he was trying to do, propped herself up on her elbows and her shirt went over her head. She then continued his work and slipped it off her arms.__

James took in a sharp breath as he saw her heaving breasts covered by a silk lavender bra that teased the eyes just a little bit.__

"You're beautiful," he whispered, barely able to talk. Lily realized he was staring at her breasts and tried to cover them up because of her stretch marks from her rapid growth.__

"No I'm not, I'm-"__

"Don't even finish that sentence!" James demanded quietly, leaving no doubt in what he meant. "You ARE beautiful. Now move your arms." She timidly did as she was told, afraid he would reject her. But James ignored her shyness and expertly trailed kisses down her neck and into the middle of her swell.__

Lily was left breathless by his forwardness and content with her imperfection. Soon all of her thoughts were lost as she felt James' tongue teasing her threw the fabric of her bra.__

"Jesus Christ James!" she gasped, her breathing getting yet shallower. She then arched her back from the load of it all and shoved her chest forward to allow him more access. James, not missing a tick, swept him arm underneath and with one swish of the fingers her bra was un-strapped. Lily lay back on the pillow again and watched him work.

          He slowly pulled one strap down her arm, which was followed by his mouth tickling her with gentle loving kisses. While doing all this, his eyes never left hers and vice versa. When James reached over to start on her other strap, he stopped and stole her mouth in yet another kiss. This time, when he stopped, Lily didn't protest.

          They gazed into each others eyes and saw the emotions. In Lily's were love, desire, and need; most to least in that order. In James' were desire, need and love? (most to least in that order)

          _He **loves me? But the plan? Oh hell! Forget the plan!**_ She thought as James began with the other strap while massaging her now bare breast with his free hand.

          "Fuck it James! I need you, NOW!" Lily said, sick and tired of his foreplay. She pulled his head up off her arm and to her lips for a lengthy kiss. She flung her bra off the rest of the way and pulled him even closer. Her hands dove down to his trousers and began to unzip them. Once that was done, she maneuvered them down with her feet, only breaking their kiss for short breaths of air. James then returned the favor and began to take off Lily's jeans. When they were gone the only thing between them was the fabric of their underwear.

          They were both breathing heavily. James' hands were massaging Lily's breasts and her hands were roaming his back. They were still kissing when Lily began to move James' tented boxers down his legs. James stopped his movements and looked Lily in the eye.

          "Are you sure you want to do this?"

          "James, I'm positive," she replied.

          Soon both of their undergarments were off and there was nothing between them. James positioned himself over Lily and looked into her eyes, once again asking if she wanted to do this, albeit silently. She nodded in response and he lowered himself on top of her. He quickly thrust into her, breaking her barrier and ridding her of her virginity. Tears formed in Lily's eyes.

          _God it hurts,_ she thought, the sparkles of water sliding down her face. As James began to thrust again, a sharp pain shot through her lower abdomen. James looked down and saw the streaks on her face and stopped his movement, with lots of effort.

          "What's… wrong?" he questioned breathlessly.

          "It hurts," she gasped in reply, scrunching her eyes in pain.

          "You… you're a vir-virgin?" James asked. Lily nodded, ashamed that she couldn't handle some pain. "It's supposed to hurt for a little, but… soon it'll feel **_much_** better," he said softly, trying to reassure her while stroking her cheek lovingly. "I'll start slow, okay?" Lily nodded.

          He began his movements again, slowly, allowing her to get used to him being inside her. Tears still ran down her face with his movements, but soon it started to feel really, REALLY good.

          "Jesus," Lily breathed. His slow movements were now torture to her. She wanted more contact; she wanted him buried deep inside her. She began to thrust her hips to meet with his strides. James took the hint and began moving faster. Lily's head leaned back again from all the pleasure. She'd never felt like this before. Sure, she'd been turned on and _tried to please herself before, but it was nothing compared to this._

          She couldn't handle it; she let out a slight scream of delight and grabbed the pillow that rested under her head. James kept thrusting, picking up speed and going harder, grunting with the effort. Both of them felt the adrenaline rushing through their veins. Lily soon got another feeling in her stomach, but this time it felt good, almost addictive. James felt her tighten around him as her orgasm came. He knew he couldn't take much more and thrust once more and felt himself release.

          James rolled over and lay beside her, gazing at her in all of her nakedness. Lily scooted over and lay in the crook of his arm, resting her head on him chest. They just rested there, together. Lily thought that this would be the best time to tell him what she had intended to before.

          "James I-" she began to whisper, but they soon began to hear voices at the bottom of the staircase.

          "Shit, Lils, get dressed, quick," James ordered, "If it's Sirius and Peter then they'll never let me live this down." He began to pick up their clothes, throwing Lily hers and pulling his on rapidly. Soon they were both dressed, though in a very wrinkled state. "Lily, hurry up and go!"

          "But James, they'll see me."

          "Damn it! Okay, use my invisibility cloak," James said as he reached under his bed and threw the silvery material at Lily. "Now go!" he urged, the voices were getting closer and were now accompanied by footsteps.

          "James I l-" Lily started but was cut off by the door opening to reveal a disgruntled Sirius and slouching Peter.

          James flopped on his bed and tried to look casual, but he failed… miserably. Sirius eyed him skeptically.

          "What're you up to?" he asked suspiciously.

          "Oh, nothing much, just… waiting for Remus," James lied.

          "Well if you want him he's in the common room. We'd very much appreciate it if you'd leave us be," Sirius said not looking him in the face.

          Look, Padfoot, I'm sorry okay? But we've been best buds forever! You can't let something like a middle name get in-between that, can you?" James said, trying to take the advice Lily had given him.

          "If I can't trust you with something that small then how can we know if we can trust you with anything? How do we know you haven't blabbed to you _precious Lily_ about Remus' condition? Hmm?" the boy who normally had laughter in his eyes was now devoid of any emotions except betrayal.

          "You know I wouldn't tell anyone that! Not something that serious!" he tried to defend himself.

          "Who cares James? For all we know you could've told the whole school by now! Just, get out of my face."

          "Fine!" James said roughly as he flopped on his bed and pulled the curtains closed.

          _What have you done Prongs? You've royally screwed up!_ He told himself as he buried his face in his pillows. Something then occurred to him.

          "SHIT!" he exclaimed, jumping up to sit.

          "Quit with the drama James!" Sirius snapped at him.

          _ I just had sex with LILY!! This isn't good! What in Merlin's name have I done?_

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**_Now to thank all of my beautiful and NUMEROUS readers!_**

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**_Mubaki_****_ ~ Hey thanks, I'm glad I made the dream how someone pictured it. And I cried at the part in Dumbledore's office too! And thank you for wishing me a happy b-day! For that, you get a birthday cake and a goody bag full of candy!_**

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**_Amelia Bedelia_****_ ~ well I'm glad you liked it and it looks like you were close to guessing what happened. You got some of them! Question for ya, have you read my D/Hr chapie, I really want your opinion._**

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**_Dahlia_****_ ~ Well, you'll have to wait and see if she's a seer or not! *grins evilly*_**

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**_Kim_****_ ~ I hope you liked this chapter, you sorta DID suggest the lemon!_**

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**_Sarina_****_ ~ I'm so glad you liked my story out of all the others. Yes I know that in the beginning it was kinda weak, but I was just starting the story and needed something to base it on. I have a feeling that once when I finish the story, I may go back and edit it some. And believe be, I don't mind criticism, as long as it's constructive and not demeaning. Cookies to you!_**

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**_podean-opaleye ~ Yes McGonagall is a little nosy, but she considers these guys her kids, ya know? So she kinda acted like a mother and found out what was buggin' `em, k? I would have been annoyed too, but I thought it was a great part in that chapie._**

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**_Hungarian_Horntail_****_ ~ I'm sorry about the author's notes, I shall try to keep them with the chapies instead of by themselves! Tanky!_**

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**_gryffspopgurl ~ I think I just may take your suggestion and use it! I hate those ff too! Thanks!_**

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**_Wicca Willow_****_, SweetBitter, kcchristian, Jessica*Messenger*of*the*Devil, angel-dolphin, Not sayin', imlosnoches, starbeam13, LillyNyx, Pixie5252, _**_Doodles2_******_, Bookworm141, BoPeep, PeRkieGuRL, freakyfroggurl22, emerald-hopes, Lily, Raifuno Maki, Anarane Anwamane, FeeFee, Agloechen, Killer Angel, ToEatTheseApplesFromYourEyes, Wicca Chick, PoTtErSPaYnE, emma Campbell, Ying Fa Li, Shinning Crystal, LiL'AnGeL1011, Alexandra Black, Chalrotte Eldridge, angelface58, cotncandmuncher, MFCA, perdy pink pineapples, KasOfDaSea, Dazzle1, LiLUmBrA, Sakura52953, Sarkie, and alya._**

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**_THANK YOU ALL!!! Can you believe I have over 100 reveiws? I only need 13 more to have 150. So, I hope you can take a hint! I will try to update as soon as I can, but school is starting soon, so that may serve as an interference._**

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**_Love yawl!_**

**_FEAngel258_**


	12. Chapter 12

**_Chapter 12 ~ The Truth_**

_"You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad."___

_                    ~ Aldous Huxley_

_"A lie told often enough becomes truth."__   
                   ~ Lenin (Vladimir Ulyanov)_

_"The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."___

_                    ~ Oscar Wilde_

          Lily stood there watching James and Sirius fighting, hidden under his invisibility cloak. She was in awe at how such good friends could fight over something this little.**__**

          "Look, Padfoot, I'm sorry okay? But we've been best buds forever! You can't let something like a middle name get in-between that, can you?" James said. Lily saw the pleading look in his eyes and knew that instant that he meant every word he was saying.**__**

          "If I can't trust you with something that small then how can we know if we can trust you with anything? How do we know you haven't blabbed to your _precious Lily_ about Remus' condition? Hmm?" Sirius said accusingly, not looking James in the face, Lily noticed.**__**

          _Remus' condition?__ What the hell?_ Lily thought.**__**

          "You know I wouldn't tell anyone that! Not something that serious!"**__**

          _Okay, I've overstayed my welcome, big time! You can tell him later Evans._ Lily ordered herself. She silently crept down the stairs, making sure to not make a sound.**__**

**__**

          Once when she reached her dorm, she flopped down onto her bed and let the cloak slip from her head. She stared dreamily at the canopy of her bed. Absentmindedly, she brought the silvery piece of material to her nose and inhaled deeply.**__**

          "Ahh," she sighed. "It smells just like him."**__**

          She lay there, daydreaming about what had just occurred with her and James. _I can't believe it! He loves me too! At least… I think he does,_ she thought uncertainly. _He has to, that much emotion couldn't be faked.****_

          She was too busy thinking to hear the door open and Mollie's slight gasp.**__**

**__**

          "Lily? What… where's you body?" she asked stunned.**__**

          "Huh?" Lily looked up. "Oh, invisibility cloak," she replied offhandedly, tossing it under her bed.**__**

          "Where'd you get that??" Mollie asked in awe. "Those things are rare!" She sat down on her bed which was right next to Lily's.**__**

          "James…" Lily said, her eyes clouding over.**__**

          "Why do you have his cloak?" she questioned. Her friends look didn't go unnoticed.**__**

          "Because I had to get out of his room before Sirius and Pettigrew saw me."**__**

          "Okay Lily, WHAT the HELL happened?" _Why would she need to get out without being seen?****_

**__**

          "Mollie, it was… _breathtaking_! I can't believe what just happened and yet… I dunno, I just-"**__**

          "You _slept_ with him didn't you?" Mollie asked accusingly. All Lily did was nod her head. "Did you tell him?"**__**

          "Well, not in so many words, I actually _showed him," Lily said slowly.**__**_

          "In other words, he don't know," Mollie said incredulously.**__**

          "No… but… how can you have sex with someone and NOT love them?" Lily asked, trying to come up with an excuse.

           "Lily, you do know that James has a rep. He's slept with so many girls, I'm surprise he isn't a father yet!" Mollie said, trying to break the news to Lily softly.

          Lily knew very well about James' reputation. She heard so many girls brag in the bathroom about how good he was. She had to admit they were right.

          "But I'm different Mollie," she said, trying to convince herself as well, Mollie's words had sparked something inside her. What was it… _jealousy? "He loves me!" she said more surely than she felt._

          "He told you that?" Mollie asked. She didn't want to hurt Lily, she'd already been hurt so much, and she doesn't need anymore of this.  But she had to be sure; she had to know the truth.

          "No, I can tell he does!" Lily said, almost yelling. "I could see it in his eyes," she said a little softer.

          "Lily, I don't want you to get hurt. We both know how James can be…" she trailed off.

          Yes, Lily knew how he could be. She didn't hate him for 5 years straight for no reason. _He loves me,_ she tried telling herself,_ I'm different, I know I am!_

          "Mol, I'm going to take a shower and then go to bed okay? I'm kinda tired."

          "Well of corse you are," Mollie said with a twinkle in her eye, "Who wouldn't be!"

          "See ya later Mollie," Lily said with a laugh as she walked into the bathroom.

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          By the morning, Lily had convinced herself that James does love her. _And I'm going to tell him I feel the same way._

          And James had convinced himself of something as well. Then only problem was it was the exact opposite of what Lily had done.

          "Hey Lil," James said as he saw her at the table eating breakfast, "we… we need to talk." He said the famous line for break-ups, but Lily was blissfully unaware of the meaning of those four strong words. Mollie, however, wasn't blinded by love to notice this. But seeing as she was busy feeding Remus his breakfast, she couldn't do anything.

          "Sure James, what about?" Lily questioned, patting the seat next to her.

          "N-not here… in privet," he said quietly. Mollie was starring at him unbelieving.

          "A-hem!" interrupted her thoughts of the torture she'd do to James if he hurt Lily.

          "For someone who wanted to cancel this bet, you sure are enjoying yourself," she said sarcastically.

          "Yes well, you are the one who wanted to go through with it," he said, rubbing it in.

          "Fine!" she said, grudgingly as she watched Lily and James walk away. Lily's hair bouncing in her ponytail behind her as she jovially walked behind the skulking James.

          _What have you gotten yourself into Tiger-Lily?_

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

          "Lily, about last night, I-" James started as they exited the castle and reached the grounds.

          "James, you don't have to say anything, I feel the same way," Lily interrupted him, jumping to conclusions to quickly for her own good.

          "Y-you do?" James questioned, not sure he was hearing right.

          "Yeah, I mean how could I not?"

          "Oh," he said, a little disappointed, although he didn't know why. _You brought this upon yourself_. "Well then I'm glad we both agree that it was a mistake."

          Lily's face fell. "Wh-what?" she asked shocked, stopping in her tracks.

          "It was a mistake. Just hormones, ya know? What we both need is this plan to get done and over with and get what we really what, no`?" James said, getting more confident. "I mean, we both still want other people, it was just a substitution, letting out sexual frustration on each other." He began walking again. Lily was trying to hold back the tears she was on the verge of letting fall.

          "No I don't know," she whispered.

          "What?" James asked, turning around to look at her.

          "Your right James," she said, gritting her teeth, "And so was Mollie. This plan is taking to long. I've got an idea, let's stage a break-up," she suggested. 

          _I'm not going to be some kinda toy of his until he gets his precious Arabella! I'm ending it now._

"What?" It was now James' turn to be shocked. He was enjoying Lily's company, but it had gone a little too far for his liking.

          **_Why do you care? _**Questioned his evil conscious. **_You never cared about deflowering a girl before? Why's this one different?_** But he just blocked it out.

          "You heard me. We'll pretend to break-up, just like we pretended to go out. You'll break up with me and go to Figg and I'll play the little baby and Amos will come and comfort me," she seethed, "in front of the Great Hall and everything."

          "But Lily…"

          "James, you said we needed to get this plan over with and they aren't gonna think about approaching us if we're taken!"

          "O-okay."

          "Good, I'm glad you understand. Now, let me think of a little skit so this can get done and over with." She stood there, looking at him expectantly. "Alone???"

          "Oh, sorry. Tell me when you're ready to do it," he said dejectedly as he turned around and walked back up to the castle. Once when Lily heard the door slam, she ran. She ran as fast as she could to her refuge, her rock.

          Whenever she wanted to get away from things during the day she'd go to a large rock along the shore of the lake and sit there, enjoying the scenery.

          "You're stupid Lily! He could never love you, no one could!" she then broke down and cried her heart out. Once when her tears were spent, she smiled wickedly. "Oh, you'll know when I'm ready. Revenge will be sweet."

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          James walked back into the Great Hall with his shoulders sagging. He sat down and stared at the food on the table with contempt.

          "What's bugging you bud?" Remus asked as he leaned his head back, relaxing as Mollie massaged his shoulders.

          "Nothing," James said after he dimly heard Remus' question.

          "Where's Lily?" Mollie asked, sensing what had occurred between the two. At that James' head shot up.

          "Outside… thinking," he said gruffly.

          "Remus, you mind if I go talk to her quick, it's important," Mollie pleaded. Remus looked into her eyes and could indeed tell that this, whatever it was, was important.

          "Go," he said, "but you owe me!"

          "Thanks!" she then sprinted out of the dinning hall.

          Then minute she reached the bottom of the stone steps she saw the flash of red that she would know anywhere. And, luckily for her, she was heading towards the castle again.

          "Lily! What happened?" she asked the minute Lily was in hearing range.

          "You'll find out as soon as I get in to the castle," Lily said stiffly, and it worried Mollie. She had never seen her like this. She walked up the steps like a robot; it was mechanical, routine, it meant nothing to her. Right now, she wanted revenge.

          When she sat down across to James, she whispered into his ear quickly, "You start talking to me normally. Say I think we should break-up and all that stuff. When I ask you why, you say you don't like me like that and that there's someone else, understood." James didn't disobey, she sounded somewhat like McGonagall and that scared him.

          "Hey Lily, I don't think this is working out," he said after a minute or two.

          "I know what you mean James, I can't stand not being next to you," Lily said overenthusiastically as she stood up to move to the other side.

          "No Lily, not the seating arrangement," James looked at her and gulped. She just stood there, glaring. _God she's good at acting!_ "We're not working out. I think we should see other people." _Why is this so hard?_

          "WHAT?" Lily screamed at the top of her lungs. The whole hall fell silent. She inwardly smiled at getting what she desired out of the students. "Yo-you want to break-up?" she said a little more quietly.

          Another gulp, "yes."

          "Why James?" she whispered.

          "I don't like you that way, I like someone else."

          "There's… there's someone ELSE?? SOMEONE ELSE?!?!" she screamed again.

          _Why is she doing this? Fine! She wants me to play this little game…_

          "Yes there was someone else!" James yelled, scraping his chair backwards and standing up to face Lily properly. "You were NOTHING to me! It was all a sham just to get who I wanted! I never really liked you! Why would I? And how the hell COULD I?"

          This hit Lily like a ton of bricks. _It's the truth, was all that she could here running through her head. Tears stung her eyes and she didn't bother to hold them back._

          "You USED me?? How could you! You BASTARD!!! I hope to hell she was worth it!"

          "Oh, I know she is! I'm positive she's going to be 10,000% better in bed then you'll ever be!" he yelled back, really getting into this 'acting' thing.

          Tears rolled down Lily's cheeks. All eyes were on them, deathly silence. It roared in her ears. The truth… the truth, was what it kept chanting.

          "James," she whispered, but not one person mistook what she said, "I loved you and you used me. I _loved_ you, James. I love you." She then flew out of the hall in tears. She pushed Mollie aside, who was standing in the doors watching the whole scene. She quickly ran out after Lily after glaring at James, and if looks could kill, he'd be dead ten times over.

          James sat down slowly and the hall erupted in whispers. _She was acting. It was all fake, wasn't it?_

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**_I'm trying to make up for my long gaping hole when I didn't update for about two months. During that time I was thinking and brainstorming for this story a lot and I have to say, I pretty much have most of the story planned in my head… now I just need to get it onto paper. Let you be warned, it's not like any L/J fic that I've read before and it doesn't end with their death, I'm going to end up writing a sequel……… but lets not get that far into the future. I still have a while to go. I had just needed a break to gather my thoughts. Now… to make this more fun I want to see your predictions of what MAY happen in this fic. Amuse me, make me laugh. AND review._**

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**_Thank you list:_**

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**_Anarane Anwamane, Phoenix281, angel-dolphin1, LilVickiRyan, Agloechen, freakyfroggurl22, theantisocial1, GypsyBeLLs, podean-opaleye, Wicca Chick, Nikki, Tenshi5, vamperfly, lilynjamesAAF, james_padfoot, chewy1, and Samara Morgan._**

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**_I didn't get as many as I'm used to, but I did break 150 and I promised you I'd update after that. So here you go. Now you know what you NEED, WANT, and HAVE to do, don't you? Make me happy…_**

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	13. Chapter 13

**_Chapter 13 ~ One Good Reason_**

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_"Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell." _

~ Anon

_"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."_

~ Robert Frost__

"What the hell just happened, James? What about the plan?" Remus questioned after Lily ran out.__

"That _was_ the plan. We decided to put on a break-up," James replied simply, as though it was obvious, but his voice held no emotion.__

"But… why? I thought the plan was going great!"__

"So did I, but Lily thinks that now that we're broken up, Figg and Diggory will come to us quicker," James said, repeating Lily's explanation and not even noticing that he called his 'supposed crush' by her last name.__

"Don't you think you were a little harsh?" he asked, thinking back to the 'bed' comment.__

"Well she was being just as harsh! She wanted everyone's attention! It's her own damn fault!" James said, but for some unknown reason (_yah! Riiiiiight_!) he was having doubts.__

"Did… did you really mean everything you said??" Remus asked. He had bonded with Lily over the duration of the past some odd weeks.__

"Remus, we were fake right off from the start.  What I said shouldn't have meant anything to her," James replied. _And what she said definitely shouldn't mean anything to me, he added to himself.___

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****Lily ran like there was no tomorrow, and to her, there really wasn't. Everything she cared about had just flown out the window and it hurt even more than she imagined. Everything she saw was just a blur, her tears blocking her view. When she noticed where she was, it surprised her that she found her dormitory with such ease and not even knowing it. She didn't even remember uttering the password. She flung herself on her bed, but instead of it being like the last time she did it, in which she was in a heavenly peace, she was in a shameful pit that she had dug for herself.**__**

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****"Lily?" Mollie asked timidly as she entered the dormitory filled with heart-wrenching wails. "Lils, oh I'm so sorry!" she practically sobbed as she ran to her best friend's side and braced her in the biggest bear hug she could manage. No words needed to be said at that moment. Mollie knew she needed her cry-out and she didn't bother to question her until her breathing was somewhat normal.****"Lil, can you tell me what happened?" she asked fearfully, scared that she might provoke more tears. Lily sniffed and sat back so she could see her friend. Again she sniffed and wiped away the snot that was running from her nose. Silent tears were still running down her face, but she seemed calmer.**__**

****"He… he said it was a mistake. That it was just our hormones getting out of control. Mollie I feel so stupid. He doesn't love me. No one does," Lily said softly. She wasn't even crying now and the way she was talking scared the hell out of Mollie.**__**

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****"People _do_ love you Lily, and if Potter can't accept his feelings then he's a bigger prick then I took him for. Lily, listen to me. I love you, and I think Remus does too. If only as a friend," Mollie tried to reassure her.**__**

****"It's not the same! When I was with him, I felt like I was meant to do something in this world, that I actually had a purpose. But now, I find out that the first man I open up to and let love me, actually _love me, says it was all a mistake. I feel so useless," Lily said, now clinging to her friend, trying to salvage some sort of reassurance inside herself to get through this.**__**_

****"Lily, listen to me! You can't get all hung up over him. Maybe for him, it was just hormones. I told you how he could be…" Mollie trailed off, she didn't want to sound like she was saying 'I told you so,' but the fact was that was exactly what she was saying.**__**

****"But I _swear_ I saw the love in his eyes! I _swear_!" she responded, desperately trying to find something real about last night.**__**

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****"Lil, I believe you… but maybe you were caught up in your own fairy tale that you made it up, trying to make your wish come true. Hun, you have to remember that this _was_ all just supposed to be fake and he may not have felt the same way," Mollie said, still trying to break the truth in without hurting her friend-like-sister even more than she already was.**__**

****"I'm sorry Mollie, you must think me as some stupid lovesick idiot," Lily said, sitting up again.**__**

****"On the contraire my dear, I think you to be the most smart and intelligent person I know; it's not your fault that you got caught up with some guy. It's he whom I think is the idiot, not you," she said, looking Lily straight in the eye. "Do you want to take the day off? I could cover for you and get all your assignments," she suggested, hoping she would do this and get herself together.**__**

****"No Mollie, I'm not gonna let him think he's gotten to me. I'm going to go about my life like he never existed, just like old times!" Lily said much more confidently than she felt.**__**

****"If you sure…" Mollie said uncertainly. Inside she was thinking, _Things could never be the same, not after all this.****_

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****Lily gathered her books and swung her knapsack over her shoulder. She walked up to her vanity and looked intently at herself in the mirror. She took in her red-rimmed eyes and tear streaked cheeks. Her hair was tousled and the spark in her eyes was gone, even she noticed that. She whipped out her wand and whispered a spell to make her appearance more normal. Instantly her hair was its normal straight self and her face and eyes were no longer red. But the look in her eyes gave it all away.**__**

****_You can do this Evans, she told herself.__ Don't let Potter win. Be strong and show him how you really are. She took a deep breath and turned to Mollie.**__**_

****"Let's do this," she said and Mollie nodded as they walked down to their first class.**__**

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          "James, you are SUCH an idiot!" Remus said after James had replayed everything that had happened between him and Lily, starting with last night and leading up to the present time.

          "I don't see why! She agreed with the whole break-up thing! She's probably faking the run-out as well," James said to Remus. He had obviously gotten over his doubt and was in, how Remus put it, denial.

          "You just don't see it, do you? Did you see how sincere she was after you embarrassed her in front of the entire population of the school!! She meant what she said James, even I can see that. And if you can't, then you're the most ignorant, blind bastard I know," Remus said sadly as he got up from the Gryffindor table.

          "Remus, she couldn't have meant it!" James yelled after him. "If she did, she'd have told me by now!"

          "You obviously don't understand her as well as I thought," he threw over his shoulder and left the Great Hall completely.

          "James my man! So glad you got rid of Evans! She's too much of a meddler, got worked up over us picking on ol' Snivelus," James heard Sirius say as he walked up to his friend.

          "Yea, whatever," he replied, thinking about what Remus had said.

          "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?! Look at the way Arabella's lookin' at you. Almost as if you were a piece of meat," Sirius said, pointing in the direction of the Ravenclaw table, where Arabella indeed was eyeing James suggestively. "Some good things _do come out of being single! The main reason I stay that way!"_

          "I guess your right, huh Sirius? Never pass up an opportunity like this!" James said a little too gleefully. He didn't really want Arabella, but she was a good distraction to take him away from thinking of Lily. "I'll talk to her at dinner."

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          Lily kept her head held high all day, with Mollie and Remus flanked by her sides she felt even more confident about her decision to forget everything that happened and forget all about James. But that became difficult by dinner time, when she saw Arabella Figg hanging all over him.

          _How can he not want her?_ She thought to herself. _She's everything I'm not, and that's perfection._ She practically began to sob to herself when she remembered her _new_ plan. But she couldn't help but let a few tears shine on her face as James walked out of the hall with his arm around her waist. _And just think, that used to be me!_

          "Lily, ignore him, okay! He's not worth it!" Mollie's voice broke into her head.

          "Aw, is Potter's little Mudblood whore missing their nightly sessions?" came a sarcastic voice that made Lily's back go rigid.

          "Snape, why don't you just leave the girl alone?" Remus said, rising to Lily's defense.

          "Oh, I see, it seems that you don't miss Potter because it's become obvious that you've got a new subject. Tell me Lupin, is she good in bed? Or is she just as bad as her blood?" he asked even more sardonically.

          "You little bastard!" Remus exclaimed as he practically lunged at Snape.

          "Remus, STOP!" Lily almost yelled at him. "He's right," she said a little more quietly. "I was nothing but a whore. My blood is dirty and so am I. No one would care for me even if I paid them. Are you happy Severus? You finally got to me!" She then stood up and walked solemnly out of the hall, her head looking towards her feet and her shoulders slumped.

          "That's right Mudblood and don't you forget it!" Snape yelled after her.

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          Lily kept walking slowly, thinking about everything. She was just wandering aimlessly when she heard something coming from the supplies closet. As she crept closer to it she began to hear sounds that brought back memories she'd rather forget. Moaning. Then she heard it: "James!" She ran, as far as she could, away from the man she still loved and from the memories she knew would haunt her until the day she died. She ran until she reached the top of the Astronomy Tower.

          The freezing cold air hit her wet face and shocked her. She stepped up to the rail and looked out over everything. The grounds were covered in a light blanket of snow. She looked towards the darkness that was the Forbidden Forest and noticed how much Hagrid's cabin looked like a gingerbread house in winter. Up here, her mind was clear and the whole world was perfect again. She looked up into the clear December sky. The stars shown brightly, making up for the missing moon as she just gazed into the darkness.

          She then looked down to the bottom of the tower, gazing almost longingly at the ground.

          "It could be so easy," she said to herself. "So easy and no one would even care. No one would notice I was gone until they saw my dead body in the morning." She began to lift herself over the railing. She was sitting on the railing with her feet dangling over the outside of the tower. She looked up to the sky again as saw a star shooting across the sky.

          "If there's anyone up there, listening to the prayers of a pathetic teenager, then I ask you, give me something to live for, just one good reason to live and I won't do it! But if not, then I'll do it! I'll jump," she practically yelled to the stars.

          "That would be most unfortunate Miss Evans," came a voice from behind her. It scared her so much she almost did fall of the edge. She turned her head around and saw the very disappointed face of the headmaster.

          "Pro-professor Dumbledore!" she gasped.

          "Yes Miss Evans, now would you please come down from there?" he asked her gently, reaching his hand out to her. She took it reluctantly and leaped down from the railing. "Now would you be so kind as to tell me what made you think there was nothing to live for?" he asked kindly.

          "The fact that there _is_ nothing to live for," Lily replied with tears running down her face.

          "Now, now my dear, there are many things to live for, love being one of them," Dumbledore told her, looking straight into her eyes.

          "I don't know love anymore. No one loves me."

          "That may be so," he said gravely, "but there are people who need you love, one in particular."

          "Who sir?" Lily asked, now very curious.

          "You shall see Lily, you shall see. Now, let's get you out of here and back to the Gryffindor tower," he said, once again offering his hand.

          "Alright sir," Lily said dumbfounded. One, the Headmaster had just called her by her _first_ name and two; he said there was someone she needed to love. But who? That was the question. "Sir, are you going to tell anyone?" she asked what she feared most, that he'd make some sort of announcement about her suicidal thoughts.

          "No m'dear, I'll tell no one. Now get a good nights rest, the heavens no you need it."

          He left her at the portrait and with many questions left unanswered. But all that would clear up soon enough. She mechanically said the password, opened the portrait and walked into the common room, ready for a good nights sleep.

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**_Hey guys! YAY I posted a little more than a week after my last post! It makes me sooooooo proud of myself! You all seem to love my story and I feel loved myself. Although some of you are threatening me instead of encouraging me, but it still makes me feel love to know you'd risk to do illegal stuff to keep me posting! Well now I'm rambling. Here's my thank-you's:_**

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**_kutelilangel_****_ ~ thank you, as you can see, I'm updating._**

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**_Glitter devil_****_ ~ Well, I'm glad I don't have to feel your wrath now! Here's your chapie!!_**

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**_KapOfDaPipers_****_ ~ I'm glad you think it's gonna be good. Cuz it is gonna be good. Very good!! You just have to wait and see how good._**

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**_kcchristian_****_ ~ 'killer story' let me just tell you that there is some twisted meaning to that in my mind!_**

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**_sodapopgirl703_****_ ~ Okay, breathe girl breathe!!! Good. Now I'm just wondering if your hyperventilating now? Hmm?_**

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**_starbeam13_****_ ~ Hmm, you've got the right idea, but will she accept him again? I dunno and I'm not telling you anything. Just think of ALL the possibilities._**

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**_Anarane Anwamane_****_ ~ When is James not a butt? But, you have to admit, he's a cute butt! *girlish laugh*_**

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**_Soz_****_ ~ Okay, yes James dies… In JKR's version. But myn…. Well; that may be another story. What he said he really didn't mean, he was just trying to get back at her for embarrassing him. In fact, he thought she was GREAT in bed. Maybe I should devote my next chapter to James… we'll see now won't we?_**

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**_PeRkieGuRL_****_ ~ No, she didn't mean it, and neither did James, but it makes it all the more interesting._**

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**_freakyfroggurl22_****_ ~ good idea, but I have other plans. You don't know how close you are to the truth tho…_**

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**_Amelia Bedelia_****_ ~ I'm sorry I made you sad, but it had to be done. All part of the plot line. James is just being a prat and denying his feelings. He didn't really want to stage the break-up, just get his mind strait and organize everything before getting in to deep. I don't think he wanted Lily to be like the rest of the girls. Great now I'm rambling and giving away secrets! DAMN!!! Tanky for ur review!_**

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**_Desthemaraudetette_****_ ~ Believe me, I want to be able to update all the time as soon as I can. And I really do try! Please try to bear with me. I'm now in school and finding time to write this story along with homework in a pain in the ass. But believe me, no matter how long it takes me to update, I WILL finish this story if it's the last thing I do!!!_**

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**_Wicca Willow_****_ ~ you've got the right idea's going on in ur head!_**

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**_Agloechen_****_ ~ she wanted to embarrass him by yellin at him in front of the entire school, but her plan kinda backfired, didn't it?_**

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**_Sour-peach_****_, hOLLy, Daisy Silk, Smiley Mary, mel, choochoo, lilynjamesAAF, Wicca Chick, kat6528, chewy1, MissPsyco, and Phoenix281._**

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**_Thank you all SOOOOO much for your wonderful reviews! I now am on 22 ppls favorites list!!! It makes me one happy person. Now I promise you I will TRY and I mean TRY to post the next chapie as soon as I can (hopefully next week)._**

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**_Now, I wanted to tell you that in this chapter and in the last chapter there is some foreshadowing. Foreshadowing is when I hint that something may happen in the future of the story. Now, I want to see how many of you can guess what it is!_**

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**_♥Love ya lots♥_**

**_Franie_**

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	14. Chapter 14

**_Chapter 14 ~ Reminiscing_**

_"Do not dwell in the past; do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."_

~ Buddha

_"You can never plan the future by the past."_

~ Edmund Burke

          James lay on a couch in the common room feeling dirtier than ever. He'd just come back from a snogging session with Arabella in the supplies closet. She had acted as though they were going all the way when all it was was some intense kissing and necking.

          _Why do I feel so dirty?_ He chastised himself. _I wasn't doing anything wrong, besides it's nothing I haven't done before!_ _Thank GOD I'm going home for Christmas! He thought as he stared into the crackling fire._

          "You," he heard someone say with malice from behind him; "Are a vile, repulsive piece of shit!" He turned around and saw Mollie. And if looks could kill, he'd be dead ten times over. "You're even worse than Snape! And I had thought you might've changed! That's gotta be a joke. Why don't you just crawl back into the hole you came from and let the world go back to they way it should be, without evil pricks like YOU!"

          "What the hell is your problem Mollie?" he asked annoyed. He didn't need to feel any worse than he already did. Although he still didn't quite understand why he felt like that.

          "That's Sanders to you Potter! I can't believe how you can be so… so… I don't know what you are, but the one thing I know is you've shattered someone's life and she didn't need it!" Mollie then walked up the staircase to her dorm, leaving James even more confused than he was before.

          _I couldn't have meant anything to Lily, could I? She hated me! We were supposed to be using each other to get what we wanted. It wasn't supposed to hurt or be enjoyable._

          **_Yeah, like you didn't think the other night wasn't enjoyable?_** His conscious told him.

          _She's Lily!_

          **_Right, but she used to be Evans! Besides, you normally wouldn't care who the hell you fucked! Why does she matter now?_**

          _How the hell should I know? None of this was supposed to happen. We were supposed to go out, make a few people jealous and then leave each other without another thought!_

          **_Then why are you thinking? You care about her, just admit it!_**

          _NO I don't! I never have! If anything we were only friends!_

          His thoughts were interrupted by the common room door opening and Lily Evans walked in, head hanging down and shoulders slumped. James looked at her curiously and spoke before he thought.

          "You okay?" She looked up at hearing his voice surprised. Then, noticing who it was, her face turned cold and eyes showed her hatred.

          "Why do you care Potter? We no longer have to pretend to like each other. Just go to your little slut, get laid, dump her and get another bimbo! That's all that ever happens. Now if you don't mind, I have a bed waiting for me and I'm sure you have a whore with her legs wide open for you in yours!" She then turned on her heal and walked up her staircase with her head held higher than she thought it should be. Her heart ached at saying those awful words to him, but she had an act to put on, once again.

          James went back to his thinking, and he did not like where it was going at all. He'd been yelled at by three people today; one being one of his best friends.

          _How did you get yourself into this Potter? By being an idiot, that's how!_

          **_You should have never fucked Evans then! That's why you're in so deep._**

          _But I enjoyed it!_

          **_You enjoy all of them, don't you? What makes this one so different? She thought it was real, thought you meant it. You've never been serious over anyone! She should've known that._**

          _But I hurt her!_

          **_Along with the 50 other girls you've had sex with. Once again I'll ask you, what makes this one so different? Why was that one a _**mistake**_ and not the other some-odd times? Huh?_**

          _I don't know okay! All I know is that I made a mistake. Where? That I don't know!_

          **_Well, figure it out, or you'll loose more than you think._**

          James, tired of thinking, went up to his dormitory where the other guys were. When he walked in, Sirius and Peter came up to him to ask how it went with Arabella. It seemed that, now he got rid of Lily, Sirius had forgiven him easily. But Remus just buried himself deeper in his blankets, not bothering to acknowledge him. James shrugged off Sirius and Peter and went to his bed to stew over everything and try and figure out what he had to do exactly.

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          The minute Lily got to her room she flung her self on her bed and screamed into her pillow. All of her tears were gone. A part of her was glad that the Headmaster had stopped her from jumping. Her head was telling her nothing would've been accomplished by killing herself. But another part, her heart, was telling her that it would end the pain and she wouldn't have to deal with seeing his face everyday in class or with his arm draped around Miss Perfect's waist. At this thought she screamed into her pillow again, willing the hurt in her heart to go away.

          She soon felt someone sit on the end of her bed and she looked up, her face red with anger and frustration.

          "If it makes you feel better," Mollie started, "I told James off for you."

          "You didn't need to do that, I did it as well. And for some reason, I don't feel better," Lily said. She was calming down and decided to ask Mollie what she thought. "Mollie, do you think James was just using me to get laid? Just to get another number on his list of girls?"

          "Lily, I really don't know. James is a difficult person to read by actions. From what you said he can be very kind. Like when you told him about you parents, I really don't know what to think about him. You said you knew him, right?" Lily nodded in response. "Then what do you think?" Mollie asked her. "Just think about it for a few days. Read his face; look at his eyes when he's talking to you. You can see whatever a person's trying to hide by looking in their eyes. Watch him for a while, and tell me what you see."

          Mollie then went over to her bed and lay down. Lily thought for a little bit and turned to her best friend.

          "Thanks Mol. But I've got one thing to ask you. I thought you hated him? Why're you sticking up for him?" She asked curiously.

          "Because hun, you don't hate him. You think that there's something good in him. I've always known you to be an honest person, so there's gotta be _some_ good in him. How much, I dunno. But what I do know is this, you love him, that's not gonna change. Find something in him that you can hang onto. Convince him to love you back," Mollie said easily.

          "Mol, I can't do any of that… I'm not like you. I'm a coward," she said shamefully.

          "Yes you can Lil! Listen to me, you love him, I can tell, now get him back. Use any means necessary, just get your man!"

          "Thanks Mol, I'll try." Lily then rolled over and tried to fall asleep, but her mind was too active and her stomach was churning. She had a bad feeling and she didn't know what to do about it.

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          The next morning Lily was sitting at the table with Mollie and Remus sitting across her. She was still upset about James, but was slowly overcoming her fears, even if she still loved him deeply. The thing that was really frustrating her was the fact that she couldn't think of a way to get him back **_AND_** he was leaving for Christmas, which would put a damper on her plans.

          _God_, she thought grimly, _it seems that my whole life is full of plans nowadays!_ She was eating her food quietly. That is, if you call shuffling it around her plate eating. Her stomach wasn't feeling so hot, just at the sight or smell of food she felt as though she would vomit her stomach out. She felt a light tap on her shoulder and turned around to see Amos Diggory standing behind her, fidgeting nervously.

          "Hi Amos!" She said brightly, sounding much chirpier than she felt.

          "Hey Lily. Um, I was uh… wondering… would you uh… go out with me sometime?" He looked at her hopefully and saw her face fall. "I mean, I know you and James just broke up and all, but I really like you," he said quickly, hoping to make her cheer up a little.

          "Amos," Lily began sadly, "I'm sorry, I… I'm just not ready for a long-term relationship yet. You understand, don't you?" she asked.

          "Yea, I guess I do," he sighed as he plopped down onto the empty chair next to her. "You still feel for him, don't you?"

          "Ever so much," Lily said softly, nodding her head. "Amos, you a really great guy, don't get me wrong, but I've got a lot on my plate at the moment ok?"

          "Yeah, it's okay. I'll talk to ya later," he said as he rose out of the seat.

          "Yah, lata."

          "I'll say you've got a lot on your plate missy!" Mollie said when Lily turned her attention back to the Gryffindor table again. "You barely TOUCHED your food!"

          "I'm just not hungry Mol."

          "Lil, don't starve yourself over some guy, he's not-"

          "DON'T YOU **_DARE_** FINISH THAT SENTENCE!" Lily yelled, loud enough for all of the Gryffindors to hear her. "He's worth everything to me," she said in an almost non-audible voice so no one else could hear her besides their group of three. "Besides, that's not the reason why I'm not eating. It's because I don't' feel so good, okay? You not my mother!"

          "I'm sorry Lil, I'm just worried, we both are," she said, gesturing towards Remus. "I'm mean; you don't look that good either."

          "Yeah Tiger, besides, if you aren't feeling well, you should go see Madame Pomphrey," he suggested.

          "I'll be fine Rem, probably just a simple cold, that's all," Lily waved it by.

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          Lily was lying on her bed now. A pile of homework was waiting for her but she didn't feel up to it at the moment. He head was now pounding along with the feeling of nausea. She looked around her dorm in desperate need of something to occupy her mind that wouldn't take to much exertion. She opened the drawer to her bedside table and ruffled through it. He hands fell upon a heavier piece of parchment from the rest. She lifted it out and realized that it wasn't a parchment, but a photo.

          She stared at it intently, wishing it to be the truth. It was the picture of her and James that she'd kept for herself. Tears began to prickle in the corner of her eyes as the Picture Lily and Picture James shared a sweet kiss. Her fingers gripped the snapshot tighter, trying to stop them from trembling. Her hands then reached for the top, ready to rip it to shreds.

          Closer……

          Closer……

          Almost there……

          Her fingers clutched the edge and……

          The picture fell from her hands and she collapsed on the bed in tears. She couldn't do it. It may not have been real for him, but it sure as hell was real for her.

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**_Hey Peeps! I'm soooooooo sorry I haven't updated in like two weeks, but I've been busy. School! Isn't it a drag? I've had homework up to my nose and I find it hard to find any time to update. Luckily while I'm at school, I keep a notebook for my stories and when I have free time, I write. Now, what do you think? Do you like it? I know it's kinda shorter than my latest ones, but once again, damned school! I pretty much have the rest of the story planned out in my head. I think I've even told u that once or twice. But I just need some stuff to keep the story going and so I don't pass time too quickly._**

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**_THANK YOUS!_**

**_  
ArtC-Fox ~ Thanks, I just have one question, what the hell is the "thrice defied thingy"?_**

**_nettopy_****_ ~ Good ideas, but like I said, I already have most of it planned out, but I just mite be able to squeeze some of them in the spots that are empty! Thanks, I'll keep ur ideas in mind._**

**_InsearchofmyJames_****_ ~ I'm sorry about the James sleeping with other girls thing, but it had to be done. I have my reasons for putting it in there. You'll find out sooner or later._**

**_s1ver-3eyes_****_ ~ hmm, good question, what DID Dumbledore mean? I guess you'll just have to wait to find out AND keep reading. You're onto something tho!_**

**_sodapopgirl703_****_ ~ lol, I'm glad to have made you hyperventilate… I think._**

**_faries of the wood_****_ ~ not sayin anything, but… well never mind_**

**_????_****_ ~ I'm sorry to make u cry, but that means I did my job huh?_**

**_Amelia Bedelia_****_ ~ LMAO! I'm not making any promises. I DO have plans! (Mwahahaha! I'm evil)_**

**_Molly_****_ ~ It's not over yet, I have quite a bit to do yet. I'm surprised someone's this anxious for me to end it quickly!_**

**_Kira6_****_ ~ Yea, their both at fault and causing each other pain, but they're teenagers, what do u expect. It's life. But life will get better…… we hope!_**

**_Soz_****_ ~ hey, if James' conversation to himself isn't what you were looking for, then I'm sorry. But James is a typical guy and won't be doing that for a while, until it's… nevermind. Don't wanna say to much, now do I? Btw, I won't be calling any police on you. I enjoy the friendly fanfic threat. Wow, that's an oxymoron if I ever knew one. A friendly? Threat?_**

**_PeRkieGuRl_****_ ~ You're not off your rocker, you screen name IS perkiegurl! Anywhoo, thank ya for the cookies and ice cream and yogurt and keesh!  
  
Samara Morgan, Crimsonkisses, Leigh, Smiley Mary, SdRockGirl, Yael M., KapOfDaPipers, angel-dolphin1, jellybeangurl, Roxy-punk-princess, Daisy Silk, Doodles2, ShorTi, kutelilangel, goddesgaia, holly, Lisa Muenier, gothicshe-devil, merchic-kto, Cunning enchantress, silmarien, Wicca Willow, chewy1, Agloechen, LilVickiRyan, freakyfroggurl22, Anarane Anwamane, and kat6528._**

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**_Thank you ALL!! You are my inspiration! I'm on 30 PEOPLE'S favorites list! I feel sooooooo loved! Any way, next chapter, we find out what Dumbledore meant and MAYBE see what James thinks about everything. I'm not promising anything._**

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**_Now, if you could all do me two BIG favors!_**

**_1. _****_Tell me ur predictions of what will happen._**

**_2. _****_REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_**

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**_Love your favorite author_**

**_FRANIE**_**


	15. Chapter 15

**_Chapter 15 ~ Discoveries_**

          _"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."_

                    ~ Carl W. Buechner

          _"It belongs to human nature to hate those you have injured."_

          ~ Tacitus

          "Jamesie!" he heard called after him from down the hall.

          "WHAT Arabella?" James said sharply, he was annoyed and he wanted sometime to think before class started.

          "You didn't give me a goodbye kiss!" she whined, her lower lip sticking out in a pout. She was trying, and failing, to look cute. James quickly walked up to her, gave her a peck on the cheek, and said goodbye. He didn't want a snog session at the moment. He knew full well that was what she _really wanted._

          _God! Lily was NEVER like this!_ He thought while walking through the halls.

          **_Now why would you compare her to Lily?_** His evil side said.

          _I dunno!_ He exclaimed in his head as he came around a corner and entered an unused classroom, three doors down from his Transfiguration class.

          **_You compared them for SOME reason! Now WHY in Merlin's name would you do that?_** It said sarcastically.

          _Because they're nothing alike! Arabella needs a make out session every ten minutes! But Lily… Lily wasn't hanging on me as though her life depended on it. She was just happy to be with me._

          **_But that's 'cause you were just friends trying to make your crushes jealous!_** It mocked.

          _No we weren't! There WAS something there… there was. We clicked right from the start. And now I screwed it up!_

          **_Good to see you've come to face reality._**

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          "LILY! For God's sake GET UP!" Mollie was screaming at Lily. It was five minutes to class and she still wouldn't get up. "Lil, class starts in FIVE MINUTES!!! Now get your sorry ass outta bed!"

          "WHAT?!" Lily asked shocked, practically screaming, but it croaked out instead because of her fatigue.

          "You've got five minutes, no now four minutes, to get ready and get to class." Mollie said, indicating to the clock. Lily quickly stood up, but then collapsed on the bed.

          Her head spun with the effort to stay sitting up. She groaned and her hand went to her head. All of her blood had rushed to it and it now felt like her heart was pounding inside it.

          "Lily, you okay?" Mollie asked with concern evident in her voice.

          "Ooooo," Lily groaned again as a wave of nausea hit her full force. She quickly leapt up, trying to fight off the headache, and ran to the bathroom. She bent over the toilet and lost her dinner, lunch and breakfast from yesterday. Once when all of it was out, she moaned and leaned back against the wall.

          "Alright Lily, that's it, your going to the hospital wing!" Mollie commanded. Lily normally would've protested, but she couldn't find her voice.

          Mollie picked her up and swung her arm around her shoulder and practically dragged her out of the dorm and down the steps. On the way out the common room, Remus saw them staggering through and automatically walked over to support Lily's other side.

          "What happened?" he asked Mollie concernedly.

          "She's really sick. Threw up, can barely stand, she's definitely got something," she replied. Lily just moaned, her head still spinning from the effort to keep standing and trying to walk. "We're on our way to the hospital wing."

          "I figured that out. Come on, let's hurry up 'cause I don't want her to throw up all over the halls."

          They kept walking through the halls, stopping every now and then so Lily could calm down and stop her spinning head. When they finally got there, the rest of the school was 30 minutes into its lessons.

          "Madame Pomphrey!" Remus called after they had laid Lily down on a cot. "Madame Pomphrey!"

          "WHAT?!?" the nurse said as she exited her office and came to answer Remus' call.

          "We've got a sick patient," Mollie began to explain. "She barfed and can barely walk 'cause her head hurts so much."

          "Oh dear! Alright, you two get to your classes and I'll take care of her. Now get out! Shoo!" she ordered, pushing them out the door.

          "Now dear, tell me what's wrong," the nurse ordered. Lily told her how she wasn't feeling well for the past few days and how it had escalated, her voice groggy and weak. "It sounds like a common case of influenza, but I'll do a few tests, just to make sure," she intoned after Lily had finished. She waved her wand around in a few complex manners and mumbled words under her breathe. When she was finished, she turned to Lily with an indifferent look on her face. "It seems, my dear, that you are perfectly healthy. Not a sick cell in you body."

          "How is that… possible?" Lily asked, stunned, "I just threw up! I can barely walk!"

          "I'm not sure, but there is nothing wrong with you…… unless… Miss Evans, have you had your monthly period yet?" the nurse asked cautiously.

          Lily looked at her stunned. _She doesn't think? I can't be, can I? She thought. But the more she pondered on it, the more sense it made, and she **had skipped her period as well, but she just assumed she was late. And with all the shit going on with James, that was the last thing on her mind. But it **did** make sense.**_

          "Miss Evans?" Madame Pomphrey said, breaking Lily out of her reverie.

          "No… I don't think I have," she said even weaker than before, bewildered at the thought of becoming a mother.

          "Let me check," the nurse said, with a controlled expression on her face. Lily watched her do this in horrified silence. She couldn't feel any emotion except the shock of this revelation. "Miss Evans, congratulations are in order," she said with fake cheerfulness. Lily knew that deep down; she was appalled that a student had the guts to get pregnant during school. "I'm going to give you a potion to help the negative side effects and then you'll be able to go to class. The Headmaster will be informed and he'll probably want to speak with you later on today. You may also want to inform the father…" she trailed off.

          At the mention of the word father, the whole world froze and everything came crashing down on Lily. _James… he's the father! Oh God!!!_ Madame Pomphrey came back with the vile of her medication and roughly handed it to her. Lily took it mechanically and drank it without tasting it.

          "May I go now?" she asked feebly as she handed the vile back to the mediwitch.

          "Yes," the nurse said curtly and walked back to her office.

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          Lily ran out, tears streaming down her face. She didn't know where she was going, but she just kept running.

          _You seem to be doing a lot of this lately!_ She said to herself sarcastically. _Running around and crying! She collapsed against the wall and her body shook with her heart wrenching sobs._

          _James is the father! There's nothing you can do about that!_ She screamed at herself inside her head. _And he hates you! He hates you so much!_ She cried even harder at this thought.

          "God damn it! Why the hell did this have to happen to me!" she said aloud.

          _And I was getting over him too, _she added in her thoughts.

          **_No you weren't! You are just as much in love with him as the day you made love to him!_**

          "SHUT-UP!" she screamed out loud at herself. In hindsight, she knew she must've sounded crazy, but at the moment she didn't care. "Maybe I am," she said as she sniffed, "maybe I'm just a nutcase."

          Her tears were gone. The only hint of them were her puffy eyes and the streaks down her face. There were no more left. She stood up and began to walk to her dormitory. She knew she couldn't face the rest of the school right now. She had too much to think about.

          When she reached the Gryffindor hallway, she saw Mollie and Remus waiting for her.

          "Lily! Are you okay? What did she say?" Mollie asked the minute she had seen her. Lily panicked.

          _What will they think? They're gonna hate me, aren't they?_

          "Shouldn't you be in the hospital wing, getting treated?" Remus asked, worrying about her health. Lily took a deep breathe.

          _They're gonna find out sooner or later. Better be sooner rather than later._

          "Let's get inside and I'll explain everything," she said quietly, ushering both her friends in through the portrait.

          Lily collapsed onto the couch in front of the fire and hugged the pillow tightly to her chest, trying to gain some courage before she told her friends this. A single tear escaped her eye, but she quickly swiped it away. There was no room for tears.

          "You guys must first promise not to tell a single living soul! No matter what you think is the right thing. Promise, _please?" Lily pleaded._

          "Promise," both of her friends said automatically. Whatever it was she was about to tell them, they could tell that it was really serious.

          "Mollie already knows, but I don't think you do Remus. James and I had had sex," Lily said easily. For some reason it came out just like any other old thing. And it felt good to get it off her chest and talk about it. "Although by the fight that we had in the Great Hall you could probably figure it out."

          "I kinda guessed," Remus said, not meeting Lily's eyes. "But that isn't what you want to tell us, is it?"

          "No, it's not Remus," Lily said, shaking her head sadly. "What I'm telling you is an effect of what happened, guys I-"

          "Lily, tell me you're not?" Mollie asked, filling in the blanks.

          "What? What is she?" Remus asked, being the typical boy.

          "I am Mollie. I'm pregnant," Lily said solemnly. Remus looked at her, flabbergasted at this thought.

          "Are you going to tell James?" he said the first thing that came to his mind.

          "NO! I can't. I just can't. It's hard enough knowing that I'm going to have his baby, but telling him is another story. Which is why I made you promise not to tell anyone, no matter if it felt like the right thing to do," she explained.

          "Are you going to keep it?" Mollie asked the question that was on all three of their minds.

          "I don't really know. Dumbledore is supposed to talk to me. I'll figure it out sooner of later," she replied, wondering this herself.

          "You're gonna have to tell him sometime you know. He's going to figure it out, just like everyone else will," Mollie reasoned logically.

          "He CAN'T find out! NEVER! It would make everything worse… you promised," she said weaker than before. "I think I'm going to lie down for a bit. I have the rest of the day off and I'm tired. You guys best get to class before they catch you out," she said warningly as she walked up the stairs and lay down to sleep everything off.

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          James was sitting in the Great Hall at lunch. He was bored as hell and hadn't seen Mollie and Remus since their first class ended. In fact, they had even been late. This puzzled James even more.

          _Oh well_, he thought, _must've over slept._

          He then got up and began walking to the Gryffindor Tower. He had a free period and he felt like lying down in his room. He stood up to leave and out of his peripheral vision saw Arabella stand as well. He began walking quicker and took a detour down a smaller hallway, hoping to loose her. Luckily for him, he did.

          _God! Can't she understand that I need my space!_ He thought as he continued walking.

          Once he reached the portrait hole, his mood wasn't in the best at all. Thinking about Arabella made him think about girlfriends. Thinking about girlfriends made him think of all his ex's, but one in particular. And thinking about her made him feel bad. He didn't understand what was going on in his head, but he had to fix it. That's all he knew.

          He walked into the common room and noticed that Lily, Remus and Mollie were sitting in front of the fire. All of them looked miffed about something. Mollie and Remus looked concerned and Lily looked… scared?

          "Hey guys," James approached carefully. He knew full well that all of them were mad at him because of the comments he had received from them recently. They turned around. Remus' face was filled with disdain; he was looking at James as though he were Snape or someone like him. Mollie's face wasn't any better. She was looking at him the same way McGonnagal did whenever he did something wrong. And Lily… Lily was looking at him with fear evident in her eyes. She looked as though she were scared of the sight of him.

          "What do you want?" Mollie asked, daring to be the first one to speak.

          "What's the matter? You guys look upset," he said, looking more at Lily than anyone else.

          "Nothing James, we're all fine," Lily said quietly.

          Remus and Mollie looked at Lily in awe. After all she'd been through; she was talking to him… and civilly for that matter. She even called him James!

          "But you missed class today. That means something's wrong."

          "Nothing is wrong. I was a little sick this morning and I went to the hospital wing. Nothing serious. Mollie and Remus were just worried about me. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find out what I missed." Lily said, still in her meek voice as she stood and walked out, heading not to her teachers, but to the Headmaster's office to talk about her 'condition'.

          "Bye Lil," Mollie called after her, figuring out exactly what she was doing.

          "Why don't you just leave her be!" She snapped at James as soon as Lily had closed the portrait hole. "She doesn't need this shit! You two are back to being enemies! Just how it was supposed to go! You got your bitch! Now leave her the hell alone!" she screeched. She then pounded up the stairs and into her dormitory, slamming the door behind her. James looked at Remus almost imploring him to take his side.

          "You brought this upon yourself; don't come to me for help." Remus then too went up to his dorm. James just collapsed on the sofa in front of the fire, head in his hands. He had probably just made it worse and he didn't even know how!

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          "Come in Miss Evans," came Professor Dumbledore's voice from inside the huge mahogany doors with gold knockers. Lily timidly walked through the doors and stood before the large desk with her head held down in shame. She never, EVER thought she'd be inside this office for the reason she is now. "I was wondering when I'd be seeing you again," he continued, his sparkling blue eyes gazing at her knowingly.

          "So-so Madame Pomphrey told you," Lily said shyly. She was ashamed with herself.

          "Now, Poppy did not inform me of your child. I had known for quite some time… even before you knew," the headmaster said cautiously.

          "Y-you knew?"

          "Yes my dear, I knew. Remember that night in the tower, when I said you had someone who needed you?" he asked kindly. Lily nodded, still dumbfounded at the fact the Headmaster had known and not even told her. "_That," he said, pointing towards Lily's stomach, "is who you must live for. Your child."_

          Lily's hand automatically moved down to her flat stomach that didn't even indicate the fact that she was with child. She then looked up at the old man before her and he smiled at her.

          "Have you told Mr. Potter yet?" he asked, his face becoming a little bit more solemn. Lily shook her head slowly.

          "I don't p-plan on it," she said softly.

          "Very well. I shan't pressure you into telling him. But let you be aware that he _should_ know. Please take a seat Miss Evans," he told her kindly, seeing her discomfort at standing for so long.

          "Sir, I can't tell him! I need to keep away from him. I'm already hurting enough," she all but whispered.

          "I see Lily. Now I believe you should get back to your dormitory. Get some well deserved rest and by tomorrow you'll be all better and no one will know otherwise!" he said, his eyes twinkling merrily.

          "Yes sir, than you sir. Goodbye." She then walked out and back towards the tower, having a new perspective on everything.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**_WOW! It's been almost a MONTH since I've updated. I am SOOOOOOOOOO sorry for the long wait, but I have had writers block. You see, I know exactly how the endings going to go… but there's stuff that should happen in the middle that I could put in cuz I don't want to rush the ending, ya know? If you guys have ANY ideas, TELL ME!!!!!! It's mue importanto! Now…. Onto my thank you's, so many of you have reviewed, I feel SOOOOOOOOO special. I am now on 35 peoples favorites list and have 283 reviews!!!_**

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**_Smiley Mary_****_ ~ no, you're not stupid. Your ideas are pretty valid and go along with what I pretty much have planed. Thanks!_**

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**_Vicki Ryan_****_ ~ Thank you for your input, as you can see, you are right, as well as many others who guessed about Lily being pregnant. And yes, James is VERY dumb, but aren't all men? (sorry guys, I'm not tying to hurt all ya'll's feelings! I have a b/f and he is VERY smart!!) Thank you so much for that lovely comment!!!_**

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**_S1lver-3yes_****_ ~ I hope that this is enough about James. As I get into the story, I find it harder and harder to write for him because we've got them split up. Lily's conflicts are easier to write, whereas James' are internal and MUCH harder to write for. Thank you._**

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**_Kcchristian_****_ ~ You are not a dork and I won't hate you! I can't hate my reviewers, cuz without you guys, I don't know what I'd do!!! You're on the right track. I guess Lily getting pregnant is something unexpected! And we'll see where the rest of it goes! I will TRY to read you fanfic, but with school and my story, I may not have much time. Tanky!_**

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**_PeRkieGuRl_****_ ~ he doesn't plan on 'getting laid bye Arabella' as you can tell, he doesn't really like her! YAY!!! And thankyou!!!_**

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**_LilyEvans2000_****_ ~ I'm sorry if you think it will ruin the story, but I promise you, this makes the story even better! I a twisted sort of way…. Anywhoo! I have plans, and they may not be what you think. Sorry if you don't' like it, but just bare with me!_**

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**_Zaphra TI`Gan_****_ ~ hmmmmmmm, now… to which of your ideas should I say is right and wrong. Let's just say that one is and the other isn't. The one that's right is like halfway right. I'm glad you like this story so much. Thanks for the review._**

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**_Lisa Meunier_****_ ~ You hit the nail on the head!_**

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**_Blah_****_ ~ Lily's pregnant to thicken my plot. I have a reason and it's not gonna be predictable. The other sluts aren't pregnant cuz girls don't get their period around the same time. It's all different time. And I think he may have used a condom before, but in the heat of the moment, forgot one this time. Thank you fo the constructive critism. I just wanted to answer them with my reasons. I didn't take it personally either. Thank you for the comment as well!_**

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**_Faries of the wood_****_ ~ If I say your right, will you keep it a secret? Good! Yes, you are right. Now just think how this may end up… she's pregnant and if you are right… what may happen to make this one different????? Thank you for the WONDERFUL review and for being the ONLY person to guess this!!_**

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**_Amelia Bedelia_****_ ~ I can't really say how they're going to get back together, cuz even I don't really know how. But James will see this light… let me tell you that!_**

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**_Star19_****_ ~ Thank you. I'm glad to have you baffled so much, but I've also put hints in throughout the story about what's going to happen. Some people have ACTUALLY picked up on them, which has kinda surprised me. But, that just goes to show you not to underestimate anyone._**

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**_FxDreams_****_ ~ I'm glad that you think this is the most drama filled story you've ever read… it makes me feel very special!_**

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**_Slate07_****_ ~ Good prediction. If you hadn't said that I probably would have forgotten about that. She'll get it, let it be known to all!! LoL. Anyway, thanks._**

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**_Peach-tea1_****_ ~ I'm sorry if I left if off like that and you thought it was a cliffy. It wasn't meant to be. I don't like cliffy's myself, so I don't write them. I'm sorry to have made you cry, but I'll take that as a good sign!_**

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**_Carrie9Softball_****_ ~ I'm sorry I haven't updated my other story… I've just been really busy… school and everything. I wanted to finish this story and then I PROMISE to work on my other one! PROMISE!_**

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**_ToEatTheseApplesFromYourEyes_****_ ~ Yup, that's exactly what he meant!!_**

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**_Sazen_****_ ~ Oh, believe me, James will get to feel MUCH worse… even worse than he does now!_**

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**_ShorTi_****_ ~ I will TRY to email you when I update. It'd kinda hard for me to do tho. But you are kinda close with your guess. I almost forgot about the gifts!_**

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**_Anarane Anwamane_****_, kat6528, kutelolangel, Leigh, Agloechen, holly, sailorsunandshildofthesun, freakyfroggurl22, pandamoanium, chewy1, Cow, lilynjamesAAF, sirius' lover, Irish Witch83, sundance-gurl, Vera, starbeam13, PACEcentergirl, angel-dolphin1, emerald-hopes, Luke's-Baby, Shinning Crystal, MURDER INC1, MegHarts, Lauren, goddesgaia, Marauders Lil Girl, stitch229, Desthemaraudetette, Koma, Annieboo92, and Ref_**

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**_Thank you all SOOOOOOOOO much! Without you guys, I don' know what I would do!! You know I got 51 reviews for this chapter alone! That's a lot! Thank you all soooooooo much and I am sorry for the LONG wait!_**

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**_Love ya all_**

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**_Franie!_**


	16. Chapter 16

**_Chapter 16 ~ I Hope You Dance_**

          Lily walked back into the dormitory and saw James sitting on the couch. She looked at him longingly, staring for ten minutes and not even knowing she was doing it. She then shook her head and told herself he wasn't hers now.

          "Aren't you supposed to be in class?" she asked. This was the most she had talked to him in a while.

          "I'm taking a day off," he said offhandedly. "My head is swamped with thoughts right now."

          "Oh," was all Lily could think of to say. She sat down beside him. She took a deep breathe and could smell him. He smelled like the forest, pine trees, wood, wet leaves and earth. It smelled really good.

          "Yea, my life is really fucked up right now…" he said. Lily looked at him questioningly. He wasn't looking at her and she doubted if he knew who he was really talking to, he looked too deep in thought.

          _What the hell,_ she thought_, he needs someone to talk to and I'm here. Besides, I could get some comfort from this too._

          "Tell me about it!" she finally said.

          He then took that moment to turn and look at her. He then noticed who it was and suddenly became very wary.

          "Lily?!" he asked shocked. "Are you okay? You weren't in class."

          "I know that," she sighed. 

          _Should I tell him?_

          **_No! Besides, he seems to have enough on his shoulders._**

          "Just a bout of the flu, that's all. Nothing that old hag couldn't take care of," she said, trying to cheer him up a little.

          "I thought you were mad at me?" he said after a small, what seemed like forced, chuckle.

          "Where'd you get that impression?" she asked. _Damn you Mollie! She said to herself._

          "Mollie. She said that we were back to being enemies again," James explained.

          "Well, it would all be for the best," Lily said, thinking of how much she was hurting.

          _Tell him about the baby! He deserves to know! It is his after all!_

          "I guess you're right. You're always right. You're very bright, you know that?" James said with defeat.

          _TELL HIM!_

          "Thanks," she said blushing.

          _TELL HIM YOU IMBECILE! HE DESERVES TO KNOW FOR GOD'S SAKE!_

          "James…" she said, starting off slowly.

          "Yea?" he asked, looking up at her with his sparkling, periwinkle eyes that made her melt.

          "I'm… I'm…" she stuttered.

          _TELL HIM!_

          "You're what? Did the flu come back?" he asked concernedly.

          "I'm… I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of the school," she said quickly.

          _DAMN IT! You were supposed to tell him. He is leaving soon for Christmas break! In like what, TWO DAYS!_

          **_I'm not going to force him into a relationship that he doesn't want to be in! That's what this will do! He'll feel obligated and it just won't be right on my part! I just… couldn't. Besides, the break will give me time to think everything over._**

          "It's okay; I did the same to you."

          "I'm gonna go lay down, okay James. I'm sorry. And if I act coldly towards you, it's because it's all for the best." She then stood and gave him a quick peck on the cheek and hurried up to her dorm.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

          Lily fell onto her bed, shaking but not crying. She noticed that Mollie wasn't here, so she must've gone to classes. Why did she have to do that? Peck him on the cheek? And why couldn't she tell him? All she knew was that she couldn't handle all this in one day.

          _I'll tell him later! I swear!_

          She went into her trunk and pulled out an old friend of hers, her diary. She hadn't written in it since her parents were killed. She didn't think it was worth anything anymore. She opened it and read her last entry.

                   **_Dear Diary,_**

          **_Today mum was acting very strange. She treated me and Pet as though we had just come back from our boarding schools. It was very peculiar. She was almost teary eyed. I don't really understand it. She kept saying that she loved us and that we were growing up so quickly. She began to scare me so much. I don't really understand it._**

          **_She then handed me this paper with a song written on it. She explained to me that this is what she hoped from me. She said that if I abided by it, my life would be wonderful, no matter what. It was quite sad. She had me tearing up._**

          **_Other than that, my day went as always. Pet was being a bitch. Dursley came over and she was hanging all over him as if to say, "see, I have a boyfriend and you don't". OH! Mom had also said that she hopes me and Pet would get along, or that we should at least try. I DO try. It's her who doesn't. She absolutely hates me. And it wasn't always like that either. We used to be so close… until I went to Hogwarts._**

          **_Shame on me, I went off topic. Oh well. Not much else to say._**

                   **_Lillian Evans_**

          Her eyes were now overflowing with salty tears. She remembered that day clear as a bell. She looked at the date and saw it was the day before they died.

          _She knew! That's why she sent me and 'Tunia out to the grocery. She KNEW!_ She thought with grim realization. She then looked down at the piece of folded paper that had fallen from in between the last entry and the blank page. It was the song; she knew it by heart too. She began to sing:  
  


**_I hope you never lose your sense of wonder  
You get your fill to eat  
But always keep that hunger  
May you never take one single breath for granted  
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed  
I hope you still feel small_**

**_When you stand beside the ocean_**

**_Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens_**

**_Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance_**

****

**_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance_**

**_I hope you dance_**

**_I hope you dance_**

****

**_I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance_**

**_Never settle for the path of least resistance_**

**_Livin' might mean taking chances_**

**_But they're worth taking_**

**_Lovin' might be a mistake_**

**_But it's worth making_**

**_Don't let some hell bent heart_**

**_Leave you bitter_**

**_When you come close to selling out_**

**_Reconsider_**

**_Give the heavens about_**

**_More than just a passing glance_**

****

**_And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance_**

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Time is a real and constant motion always)_

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Rolling us along)_

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Tell me who)_

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)_

_(Where those years have gone)_

**_I hope you still feel small_**

**_When you stand beside the ocean_**

**_Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens_**

**_Promise me you'll give fate a fighting chance_**

****

**_And when get the choice to sit it out or dance_**

**_Dance_**

**_I hope you dance_**

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Time is a real and constant motion always)_

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Rolling us along)_

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Tell me who)_

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)_

**_I hope you dance___**

_(Where those years have gone)_

_(Tell me who)_

**_I hope you dance_**

_(Wants to look back on their youth wonders)_

_(Where those years have gone)_

Lily had tears in her eyes as she finished the song. She now knew what her mother had meant, and she was right. She wasn't going to let this deter her. She was going to learn from this and move on. She wasn't going to fear the future, those mountains in the distance. She was going to look forward to them. She wasn't going to take anything for granted, not one thing. The door to James may have closed, but a new one opened, one for her and her baby. And God sure as hell didn't leave her empty handed, or empty stomached for that matter.__

%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&%&__

With Christmas break drawing nearer and nearer, James felt like a gallop through the woods. He needed something to take his mind off of everything. He ran up to the boys' dorm and went to look for his invisibility cloak, but noticed that it was gone.__

_          Sirius must have it!_ He thought. Instead he opted to grab the Marauder's Map and be careful making his way onto the grounds. He observed that Lily was up in the girls' dorm and Dumbledore was sitting at his desk. All of the other professors were either in their offices or in their class rooms with pupils. He noticed that Filch was skulking back and forth in his office, Mrs. Norris in his wake.__

_          Clear sailing!_

James quickly walked out of the tower, down several stair cases until he reached the entrance hall, checking the map every few minutes, just in case Filch got some sort of psychic power to tell him when someone what in the halls when they shouldn't be. Finally, he reached the towering doors that lead outside. Once they squeaked behind him, he waved his wand over the map and whispered, "Mischief Managed," stuffed both in his pocket and began heading towards the Forbidden Forrest, the snow crunching under his feet.__

Once he reached the edge where the trees became denser than the ones that scattered the grounds, he transformed into a magnificent stag. His antlers rose high to show his pride. His coat gleamed in the afternoon light, making it look bronze. His eyes, instead of being the normal brown you got from deer, were the same periwinkle blue as his own. That was how you could tell it was him in his animagus form, his eyes.__

He began hurtling into the woods, weaving between trees and jumping over roots. The air whipping around him felt good, calming. It made him numb and the world he left behind was just that, behind him, in the back of his mind. He ran and ran. Finally, he reached the clearing he came to many times to think.__

The clearing was a misshaped circle of trees. The trees surrounded a small pond with wonderfully clear water. The first time James came here, he thought that it either must be a spring or magically cleaned somehow. And, it seemed, that it were also magically kept from freezing over and going below sub-zero temperatures. There was different plant growth surrounding the lake. It smelled wonderfully of the pine trees encircling it. He had never been anywhere else so peaceful.  He transformed back into his normal self, stripped down to his boxers and began to wade out towards the middle of the pond. For a pond, it was rather deep. The water felt refreshing against his warm skin.__

"This is how it should be," he said aloud, sighing, "calm and refreshing. Isn't that what life is supposed to be?" He then chuckled at the irony of what he had just said. It was a hollow laugh that held back the cheerfulness that most laughs should have. "Life could never be that way… not with Voldemort… not with Mum and Dad risking their lives… not with Remus being mad at me… not without Lily," he said, getting quieter as he ticked them off. He then gasped. "What did I just say? Not without Lily? Damn it Prongs! You stupid idiot!"__

He dove into the water, hoping that it would sweep over his head and wash away this thought. But as he surfaced, it became even clearer. He was miserable. And it wasn't because of Voldemort. He had been around for a few years now and he kept his head held high and an optimistic outlook on things. It couldn't be his parents' jobs, because they had been aurors since before he was born. He had grown accustomed to it. It could be Remus' anger towards him; this was not the first time he had butted heads with the werewolf.__

The only reason he had even been unhappy was because he didn't have what he wanted. And at this stage in his adolescence, hadn't he wanted Arabella Figg more than anything in the world? More than Voldemort to be defeated? Well, he had her now? He was supposed to blissfully unaware of everyone else's and the whole world's problems. So why did he feel so shitty? There was only one explanation; because Lily was gone.__

As he looked back over the month they had been 'acting', he noticed how happy and carefree he was. That was when he was blissfully unaware of everything. And it had only been a month… hell, not even that! It seemed like it was a year that he had known and loved Lily Evans.__

_          Loved? Oh shit! Oh shit oh shit oh shit!_

  
@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@

**_This chapie is dedicated to Vicki Ryan who has supported me throughout the past two days and her support was what made me update so quickly._**

****

**_HI!!!! Do you know that I last updated YESTERDAY??? And I'm once again updating a little over a day later??? This chapie is kinda short, but… it's up soon! And I hope it compensates for me not updating for a month. My fingers couldn't seem to stop writing! This chapter just flowed right onto the keyboard and into the computer. I think I delved into what BOTH Lily and James was thinking. It was only them in the chapie…. AND there was a teensy bit of L/J action._**

****

**_The song is I Hope You Dance sung by Lee Ann Womack with Sons of the Dessert singing the background music. This song is an AWESOME song and I was listening to it while writing this chapie and I recommend you to listen to it._**

****

**_Now, a few of you were asking, "Don't they have contraceptives spells or something like that?" and another question I got was, "Why haven't the other sluts he slept with gotten knocked up?" I'm going to be blunt here, quite blunt. One: in the throws of passion when you're about to have sex with the person you love, you don't really think about the percussions of what may happen and you kinda forget to cover Little Junior. Two: As I said before with someone you LOVE you forget. All of the other times, he used a condom or contraceptive spell because it was just another fuck. Do you guys get it now? I hop so._**

****

**_Another person, who reviewed to chapter 15 said that Lily not telling James is un-Lily-ish. I just want to say put yourself in her shoes. You're pregnant with the child of your former enemy whom you are in love with and you believe it is unrequited. Would you care to tell him that? I know I'd be scared as hell. Anyway, I'm not going to thank everyone, cuz I just updated a little while ago and not everyone has read chapie #15. But, within one day of it being posted, I have 18 reviews! Besides, dontcha think my authors notes are long enough already?_**

****

**_Franie_**

****

**_PS. Whoever can tell me where James' invisibility cloak REALLY is will get a special prize!_**

****

**_PSS. As you can tell, I have quite a few spelling and grammar boo-boo's. If there is anyone insane enough to want to beta this, I would LOVE you help. You see, I get so wrapped up in typing that I mess up and then I want to make you all happy and post it ASAP. If there is anyone with enough free time to do this crazy job, please speak now or forever hold your peace! Give me your email and reasons why you think you'd be a good beta. Okay, that's more than enough, I keep on rambling!_**


	17. Chapter 17

**_This chapter is dedicated to all these people who guessed right about where James' cloak is._**

****

**_Cookies and Milk to you all!_**

**_(Just to let everyone else know the cloak is under Lily's bed in her dorm. After James chased her out of his dorm, she never returned it!)_**

****

**_Lily Bell_**

**_Anarane Anwamane_**

**_Sandra-Jo_**

**_The last vampire_**

**_Freakyfroggurl22_**

**_Phoebe369_**

**_Kavi Leighanna_**

**_Phoenix_****__**

**_Michelle_**

**_Captain Oblivious_**

**_KT_**

**_Hpfrek13_**

**_Misskittyfantastico12889_**

**_Goddesgaia_**

**_Theocgurl_**

**_Sakura52953_**

**_Merchic_kto_**

**_FairySprinkles_**

**_MegHarts_**

**_Miss_mags_ak_**

**_Marauders Lil Girl_**

**_144_**

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**_On with the story!_**

**__**

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**__**

**_Chapter 17 ~ Lana Price_**

       _"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye._

_                    ~ H. Jackson Brown Jr._

       _"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so."_

       _          ~ David Grayson_

       "Sir, I'd like to ask you something," Lily said as she stepped into the headmaster's office for the second time that day.

       "Certainly Miss Evans," he replied warmly.

       "Since the Christmas hols are only a day away, I was wondering if I'd be able to leave the castle for a while. I need a vacation from everything and… and since I have no family to go home to… I was,"

       "You were wondering if I'd let you go somewhere, if I knew of any place you'd be aloud to go." Lily nodded, dumbfounded. Dumbledore just seemed to know everything! "As a matter of fact, I do. You gather some things together by the time everyone leaves and I'll let you go there."

       "Thank you sir!" Lily said graciously.

       She began walking to the Great Hall, deciding she'd try to eat something. She saw Mollie and Remus sitting down and talking quietly.

       "Hey guys," Lily said. She now felt better after finding solace in the song.

       "Lily!" Mollie jumped when she saw her. "You seem better," she said more normally.

       "Yea, well… I need to try and look at this in a good way."

       "Lily," Remus started off. "Mol and I were talking…" he paused and looked at her cautiously. "We think you should tell James." Lily sighed. She knew they would react this way. If she were in their position, she'd say the same thing. But, the fact was… she wasn't.

       "Guys… I can't tell him… at least not right now. I'm going away for Christmas. Hopefully by then, I'll figure out a way to tell him. Somehow…"

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

       "Nononono NO!" James screamed at his reflection in the pond. "I don't love her! She was just a friend that I lost! **I DO NOT LOVE HER**!

          _Yes! You do!_ His mind screamed at him. _You just said it! It may not have been your head, but your heart, you still thought it, said it… whatever! Don't you get it?_

       "NO! I don't get it! She's my enemy! She's a bookworm! A know-it-all for god's sake!"

       _Haven't you heard that love springs from hate? And the fact that she's smart just adds to WHY you love her!_

       "I don't, I don't! I won't admit it!"

       _You lips may not speak those sacred words, but your heart has already decided for you. You heart has spoken. Its mind is made up. Remember that you are stubborn, but your heart is thrice that. You can't change fate._

       James stormed out of the pond, his face contorted in anger. He grabbed his wand and muttered a drying spell. He then placed his robes on and changed into the stag again. This time he ran as though Voldemort himself were hot on his tail.

       When he reached the outskirts of the forest, he transformed into himself again. He began to walk up to the castle for dinner. One thought was nagging at the back of his mind. If he didn't love her, then why in Merlin's name did he say it?

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       Lily was up in her room, searching through her belongings. She was looking for only the necessities of her things that she would need. Her clothes were strewn all over the place, not a bare spot on the floor. When all of her clothes were together, she made a grab for her diary, which was placed in her drawer. She noticed that on the small self underneath it, there was a package. It was wrapped in Christmas paper.

       Curious, Lily grabbed for it and read the name tag. To James, from Lily. It was her gift for him.

       _Ha! I almost forgot about this! Will he want it now?! _She thought sarcastically. Automatically, her hand dropped the package into her duffle bag.

       _There! Done! By this time tomorrow, I'll be away from all the troubles in the world!_

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       "Sir, where will I be going?" Lily asked, bags at her side, preparing to leave. "What's the plan?"

       "The plan, my dear, is that, since you want privacy, we'll put a spell on you to make you look like a totally different person. You'll be going under the name Anna Price and staying at a cottage near the southern most tip of England, alongside the beach," he explained.

       "Why all of the secrecy?" she asked, genuinely confused.

       "Because Miss Evans, I cannot be caught letting a student off grounds without proper supervision, unless it is summer. That's why this cottage is close to a wizarding family that vacations here every Christmas. They have as son that goes here and you wanted secrecy. You are to say that you are coming from The Salem's Withes Institute for Young Wizards and Witches. Is this all understood?" he questioned.

       "Yes sir," Lily said quietly.

       "In about a minute, this portkey will take you to the cottage. Do have some fun?" he said, handing her a muggle pen. "When you wish to return, all you have to say is "take me home" while holding the pen and it will bring you strait to here. Good luck Lily," he said, fading away as Lily began to spin rapidly.

       When Lily regained her balance, she noticed she stood outside of a quant little cottage, with the wind blowing through her now short, black hair. It seemed that the spell Dumbledore had spoken of had taken affect along with the portkey. She walked up the tiny steps leading to a beautiful wraparound porch. She noted that to the left of her cottage was a slightly larger cabin.

       _Must be the other wizarding home,_ she thought.

       Once inside the house, Lily walked into a foyer. The floor was covered with slate stones, a mirror hung on the wall. She looked into it and drank in her new look. Her hair was cut in a cute layered haircut, only about an inch there, and it was now black. Her face was darker, instead of her fair look. It was tan and spotless. She also noticed that she was about half a foot taller, reaching up to 5 foot 8.

       "Not a bad look," she said aloud, noticing that she had an American New England accent. She then continued in and noticed that there was a little eat-in-kitchen with muggle appliances.

       "He knows everything! The old coot!" Lily said affectionately about the headmaster.

       She toured throughout the entire house. It had one master bedroom and a guest bed. A living room was equipped with a television set, radio, and piano.

       "That dear old man DOES know everything!" she exclaimed, running her hands over the keys of the piano. She continued looking through the house. There was one other bathroom besides the one in the master bed. There was everything she could have ever needed in her entire life. It was perfect.

       She walked back outside after putting all her luggage in the bedroom. The ocean smelled wonderful. She could tell a storm was coming, but didn't really give a damn. She kicked off her shoes and socks, shrugged off her robe and transformed her clothes into something more beach going, a pair of cut-off jeans and a low cut tank top. The sand ran through her toes and she sighed. It felt good. She walked over and sat down where the tide was washing up to shore.

       The wind blew in from the water, bringing with it the strong scent of the ocean. The sky darkened with storm clouds as a storm moved in closer. Forks of lightening flash the sky every once in a while, bringing more light to the now almost darkened sky. The wind picked up and the water became more choppy, coming up to shore and running over her bare feet, leaving them freezing with it's departure and making the sand soggy. Large droplets of rain began to fall, wetting the rest of her body, slowly at first but picking up speed. Soon she was soaked to the bone and the air not only smelled of the salt from the water, but also of the rain falling. Her skin started tingling with the numbness from the cold, but she just smiled because it felt good.

       Thunder rolled right over her head and then a huge clap sounded as the whole sky lit up. The water now contained about five foot waves out about 30 feet off shore. They died down when washing up on shore, just reaching Lily's feet. The rain kept on falling harder as she looked out at the water and saw how empty it is. Normally it would be covered with sea gulls; but they left in the wake of the storm, the minute the wind picked up. It was exhilarating and rhythmic, the water lapping at her feet and soaking her from above, the sounds of the waves and thunder and lightening; almost calming. She felt free.

       "Hey! Aren't you cold?" a voice called from the cabin next to hers. She woke out of her reverie and turned towards the voice.

       "That damned old coot!" she cursed under her breath. There, up on the front porch of the house next door was James Potter himself. "NO! I'M FINE J-" she yelled back, almost adding his name but then remembering who she was supposed to be.

       "INVITE HER IN!" she heard a voice from inside the house.

       "You wanna come in?" he asked politely.

       "Naw…" she began to say, but was cut off.

       "Nonsense, come on in!" James said invitingly, motioning with his arms.

       _If you can't beat 'em, join 'em,_ she thought with defeat as she rose from her position and began sloshing to the larger of the two houses.

       "You look absolutely dreadful darling!" exclaimed a stately looking woman in her early 40's. She had a welcoming, motherly look about her. She quickly whipped out her wand and conjured a towel.

       "_Mom!" James said urgently._

       "It's okay," Lily said instantly, accepting the towel and beginning to dry her short hair. "I'm a witch."

       "You are?" James asked curiously.

       "Yea, I go to… The Salem's Withes Institute for Young Wizards and Witches," she said, almost slipping up. "I'm in my sixth semester," she explained, trying to sound foreign. With the look she got from the both of them, she elaborated, "Sixth grade, semester, year?" There faces plainly said Oh!

       "It's nice to meet you. I'm Chelsey Potter, nice to meet you."

       "L-Anna Price," Lily said, still slipping up.

       "So, Lana, you're from America?" James asked intently.

       "Yea, but I came here for a break," she explained.

       "Are your parents in the house?" Chelsey asked curiously.

       "No, they… they died a while back," she said somberly. She couldn't find any reason to make it up; they thought she was someone else. So she told the truth.

       "Oh, are you in that house by yourself?" she asked, once again being the motherly figure. Lily only nodded. She couldn't help but get the feeling that James was starring at her. "Well then it's settled! You're staying here!"

       "No! It's quite alright! I'll be fine… really," Lily implored.

       "Nope! It's final. James, MICHAEL!" she yelled. A man walked in with brown chocolate eyes and messy brown hair. "Could you guys go over next door and get her luggage? She'll be staying here." They both nodded and walked out with dignity showing in their stride. Mrs. Potter ushered Lily inside and into the kitchen. She put on a kettle and set out some crumpets.

       Lily sat down and took in the woman. She had long flowing black hair and the sparkling blue eyes that Lily knew oh-so-well. She wasn't tall, but she wasn't short either. She had an aura around her that said: mess with me and pay! She walked confidently.

       "Would you like some tea?" broke through her thoughts. Lily could smell the tea from where she was and her stomach churned.

       "No thanks," she said politely, trying to hide her disgust.

       "Are you alright?" Chelsey asked, probably using her mother's intuition to see her emotions.

       "Just a little nauseous," Lily said. _It wouldn't hurt_, she thought. "You know the normal side effects of pregnancy."

       "YOU PREGNANT???" Mrs. Potter asked in shock.

       "Yes'm."

       "And you're how old?"

       "Sixteen."

       "Dear me! How far?"

       "Only about a month."

       "Are you alright?"

       "Not really." By this point Lily didn't care that she was its grandmother, she just needed someone to talk to. "You see… the father doesn't know. I thought that I loved him… and well vise versa. But it was obvious that he didn't return the feelings. He said that what we did was a mistake, but I know it wasn't. I loved him… I still do."

       "You poor dear, you're definitely staying here then," Mrs. Potter said sympathetically. "Most boys your age are still immature and don't know what to do when they're in love," she said wisely.

       "Not all of us are!" James said, walking in. "Lana, I'm sorry about that prick. He must be really stupid, to just forget about you like that."

       _Hah,_ Lily thought, _wait till you find out that you are 'that prick'_.

       "Thanks, but like I said, he doesn't know," she explained.

       "Why don't you tell him sweet heart? Just to let him know?" Mrs. Potter asked kindly. Lily tried to calm her nerves. _THEY DON"T KNOW!_ She berated herself.

       "I didn't tell him because I still love him… I don't want him to feel pressured to be with me. I want it to be his choice… not his guilt. You wouldn't understand," she said stiffly. For some reason she just couldn't talk right. Tears were coming to her eyes. "Ca-can you show me to my room please?" she asked even more meekly.

       "Of corse."

       Chelsey motioned towards Mr. Potter and he took hold of Lily's shoulder. She hadn't even known he was there. He led her back a hallway and into a room. Had Lily not been so emotionally drained from that small encounter, she would have noticed how beautiful the room really was. He sat her down on the bed and closed the door behind him.

       "I know who you really are," he said in a deep voice. "And I know why you're here."

       _Great! He knows he's gonna be a grandfather!_ Lily thought sarcastically.

       "Albus hasn't told me all the details, but I know most everything," he said, making her fears vanish. Some things were left in confidence.

       "Thank you… for keeping this to yourself," she said timidly.

          "No problem. And if you need anything… anything at all… feel free to call upon me," he said, giving her a quick reassuring hug. With that, he left the room and left Lily to her own devices.

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       Knock, knock came from the door to Lily's room. She lifted her head from being buried in her pillow to look at it. Knock, knock it went again. She sat up and wiped the tears away.

       "Come in," she said feebly. James entered and sat down on her bed uncomfortably.

       "Are you okay Lana?" he asked stupidly. "Wait, of corse you're not okay. The real question is: do you want to talk about it?" he asked, looking at her nervously.

       _Yea… talk to you about you. That makes sense!_ Lily thought sardonically.

       "Why are you so interested anyway?" she asked, trying to sound like it didn't mean anything to her and failing miserably.

       "You… you remind me of someone. I know it's kinda stupid cause I just met you and all… it's just my first impression of you made me think of… of a friend of mine," he explained, his voice surprisingly small.

       "I did?" Lily asked, now intrigued.

       "Yea. You see, she and I got in a sort of fight at the beginning of the month and it still hasn't been resolved. I feel kinda bad. No, strike that, I feel REALLY bad," he said, staring at his hands in his lap.

       "You can talk to me, ya know?" she said. She knew she shouldn't be prying into his personal life. If he knew it was really her he wouldn't be talking to her at all. But right now she didn't really care. He needed to talk to someone and she guessed his mom wasn't a good choice right now.

       "I can tell. I feel like I could trust you with my life. She… she means the world to me… but I ruined it. I… I said some really stupid things."

       "Then you should apologize! If you feel really bad, just tell her how you feel. Maybe she'll understand," Lily said, knowing he was talking about her.

       "You didn't see her face when I said that she… she was… oh never mind! You just didn't see her face. She hates me now for sure," he said exasperatedly, his head in his hands.

       "I'm sure she doesn't… if you mean as much to her as she does to you than she's just probably hurt. She probably thought you meant it… You didn't mean it, right?" James shook his head in the negative. "Okay, then she should understand."

       "I… guess you're right. I could give it a try. I do have something I was planning on giving her for Christmas… it could be an "I'm sorry" gift!" he said a little more cheerfully. "You know… you should tell this guy that you're pregnant. Maybe he'll understand," he suggested carefully.

       "Maybe he will… I was thinking of telling him… I just need some time to myself… get my thoughts gathered. Thanks James… really"

       "No prob. And thank you… maybe this Christmas will turn out good after all," he said as he departed from her room.

       "Yeah, maybe it will," she said quietly to herself.

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**_Wow! I'm done with another chapter! It's only been about two weeks since I've updated! I hope you all like this chapter… it was kinda hard to write Lily as a different person. You did get to see some of James' emotion. Now the question is… what will Lily do with it? I'll leave that to you guys to guess about and just move onto my thank-you's._**

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**_Muse_****_ ~ I never really said she was never gonna tell him. She's overreacting and I think it is how any woman would react in this position. I'm sorry if you don't like how it's going… but as you've noticed, she's begun to consider telling him._**

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**_Smiley Mary_****_ ~ good calculating… if they're supposed to die at 23, how can they die when their 20?_**

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**_Starbeam13_****_ ~ Thank you for the long review… you have the right questions… but should I answer them. One will be answered in this story, but another will happen in the sequel…of which I'm already planning. Well, hope you enjoyed!_**

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**_Vicki Ryan_****_ ~ No, he wasn't spying… he's just got this way of knowing things._**

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**_Misskittyfantastico12889_****_ ~ Why thank you, I'm blushing!_**

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**_Koma_****_ ~ Thanks, I'm glad that you like my description of James' thoughts._**

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**_Amelia Bedelia_****_ ~ WOW! Your ideas are wonderful! I can't believe how much thought you put into it. I DO like your idea… I may end up using it. I dunno tho… we'll c._**

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**_hpfrek13_****_ ~ you didn't sound stupid. I do that all the time. And don't worry about talking too much… you haven't seen some of my reviews._**

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**_PeRkieGuRL_****_ ~ I won't ever let them go. And thank you._**

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**_MegHarts_****_ ~ no… ur not insane… u got it rite!_**

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**_PuDdLe Of MuD_****_ ~ all u have to do to get italics and bold is to type it in as you write and when you got to save it, in the save type as selection, click on web page. It'll stay bold and italic when you post it._**

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**_Anarane Anwamane_****_, Star19, freakyfoggurl22, Lisa Meunier, lilynjamesAAF, s1lver-3yes, Marauders Lil Girl, dreamer, Agloechen, kcchristian, Lily Bell, slate07, ShorTi, SdRockGirl, Sandra-Jo, icevampire108, Sailorsunandchildofthesun, the last vampire, tyme, Phoebe369, Kavi Leighanna, phoenix, Michelle, Captain Oblivious, KT, goddesgaia, ProngsMoonyPadfoot, theocgurl, Sakura52953, merchic_kto, Rachelle, Annieboo92, FairySprinkles, Golden Snidget, angel-dolphin1, Steph, miss_mags_ak, hinkypunk2, elvencherry07, and 144._**

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**_Frances_****__**

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**_PS I've decided not to worry about a beta-reader… I'll just make sure to read through this and fix them myself… Sorry fariesofthewood._**


	18. Chapter 18

**_Chapter 18 ~ Merry Fucking Christmas_**

            "_A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."_

****_~ **Joseph Stalin **_

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_"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in __L.A.__, my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."_

_          **~ Dan Quayle**_

James went to his room and dug into the bottom of his trunk.  Inside he found exactly what he was looking for.  A small box with intricate cursive writing that read Blarney on the top.  He lifted the lid and looked admiringly at the pieces of jewelry inside.

"I'm sure she'll love it! I just hope she accepts it…" he said to himself.  He began to wrap it in paper as quickly as he could.  He couldn't help but being anxious.  He knew that all Christmas vacation he was going to be waiting for a response.  After that was done, he grabbed a piece of parchment and began to write.

**          Dear Lily Flower,**

**Hey, it's me, James… this is for you.  I hope you like it.  I picked it out especially for you.  The real reason I'm writing this letter to you is to apologize.  I should have never said what I did that day.  I just hope that you will forgive me.**

He paused for a minute and thought it best not to tell her he loved her just yet.

_Take it slow, you don't want to rush her_, he thought.

**I hope that we can be friends again… There's more to this, but I'd like to talk to you in person.  Happy Christmas and I'll see you soon.**

**James**

_That should do it!_  He rolled up the parchment and tied a red ribbon around it.  He pasted it to the gift and tied that to his owl's leg.

"Now you take this to Lily Evans, you hear?  She should be at Hogwarts, but I'm not sure… take it to her… just find her," he let the owl fly out the window and stared after it for a while, thinking.

_Now there's nothing to do!_ He thought dramatically

"Bored?" he heard come from the doorway.

"You've got no idea," he sighed.

"I probably do, it is the title of my life story."

Lily, AKA Lana, sat down next to James.  She didn't know why she was doing this.  She was supposed to be mad at him.  But she isn't Lily here; she's Lana… a totally different person than Lily.

"Penny for you thoughts?" she said, the American in her showing.

"Just thinking about someone… You thought about telling him yet?  I know I'd want to be informed of something like that!" he said in a joking manner.

_Ha! You don't know how hard it is to tell you!_

"Yea… but you've gotta see it through my point of view.  I've gotta think about the future of two people now," Lily explained.

"Well don't ya think the kid would like to know its dad?" he said logically.

"I want it to know its dad… I just don't think he's ready for such a big thing, the dad I mean.  He… let's just say he's not as mature as he needs to be.  And I think I will tell him… it'll just take me a while."

"I see… well good luck," he said.

"Yea, I'll need it," she said quietly.

  
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"Mr. Potter, I really appreciate all you've done for me, but I'd like to spend Christmas by myself.  I don't want to intrude on your family traditions," Lily said standing in the study of the Potter's quaint cottage.

"You're not intruding dear," he said calmly.

"I'd feel more comfortable by myself.  This is my first Christmas not spent at home.  I'd like to have sometime to myself," she explained softly.

"I understand.  Chelsey will be upset though.  She's taken a liking to you," he said while smiling.

"She's taken a liking to Lana, not Lily."

"You're still the same person, just a new face.  But no worries.  We'll go tell her now," he said while standing up.

Lily followed him out to the kitchen where Chelsey was sitting sipping her tea.

"Chels, Lana had decided to go to her own cottage for Christmas Eve and Christmas," he explained.

"What?  Why?" she asked shocked.

"I'd like to be by myself.  This is my first Christmas without my parents," Lily said, trying to stay calm but wavering a bit.

"You poor dear!  Of corse I understand!  But you're coming over here for dinner," she commanded.

"That's alrigh-"

"It's settled already!  You're coming over for dinner!"

"Leave it," whispered Mr. Potter, "you can't change her mind." Lily finally nodded in agreement.

"I'll just get my stuff."

She walked back into her room and went to grab her stuff but found it already gone.

"I took the liberty of charming your things your cabin," Mr. Potter said behind her.

"Thank you."

  
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Lily took out her wand and charmed the living room to look more festive.  An evergreen tree appeared in the corner, decorated in wonderful muggle lights and balls; it glowed with Christmas cheer.  A red stocking appeared tacked on the mantel covering the stoked fireplace.  The piano now played carols without a pianist.  A tear came to Lily's eye at the sight.

Every year, she, her parents, and a grudging Petunia would decorate the whole house.  Starting with the stocking and finishing with the tree.  She sighed and waved her wand yet again, the decorations that were on the tree appeared in three different boxes.  She bent over the first box, which was full of lights, and began twirling them around the whole tree.  She continued until all the lights in the box were gone.  She then turned to the other boxes which contained all the Christmas balls.  She sang along to the music floating out of the piano as she decorated the entire tree.

Time flew by quickly and by the time she ws done, the sun was already rising over the back of the cottage.  After she placed the angel on top of the tree, she stood back to admire her handwork.  Surprisingly enough, the tree looked even better than before.

"Beautiful, simply beautiful," she sighed.  The song _What Child Is This? began playing and a tear streaked down Lily's face.  This year she did it by herself, alone…_

She jumped in surprise when the clock on the mantel struck eight.  She looked out the window in astonishment, not believing that much time had passed.  She wasn't the slightest bit tired though, so she went out to the kitchen to fix herself some breakfast.  In the middle of making pancakes, an owl flew in and dropped _The Daily Prophet on the counter beside her.  Idly humming Jingle Bells, she put a Knut in the bird's bag and it flew away.  She then picked up the paper with her free hand and unfolded it so she could read the cover._

The minute her eyes lay on the first page, the humming stopped abruptly and the spatula fell.  Lily's mouth fell open as well.  There on the front page was a picture of the cabin next door.  It was decimated, nothing left but the broken logs that had once been a beautiful cottage.  Overhead was the opaque green skull that ws still imprinted in her mind.  She began to read frantically.

  
**_Top Aurors Assassinated_**

_Mr. Michael Potter and his wife, Chelsey Potter, was both murdered last night by He-who-must-not-be-named.  The top aurors for the Ministry of Magic, these people were the most elite in there profession.  They were vacationing at the shore for Christmas with their son, James Potter, who is the only survivor, now in his 6th year at __Hogwarts__School__ of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  He was taken there late last night with only a few mere bruises._

_We here at "The Daily Prophet" aren't quite sure the reason these two wonderful citizens were killed.  Some believe it's because they were aurors and close to solving a way to defeat He-who-must-not-be-named.  Others believe it's because they wouldn't join his side.  And yet most of the population suspects something else was the motive of this sick mind.  Like said earlier, we aren't sure.  But if our top fighters against this dark force weren't safe from his powers, then how can we be?  Is there now any hope for the end of this war and the defeat of this great evil?  All we can do is pray._

Lily's hands were shaking furiously as she reached the end, making it hard to read.  Her cheeks were sore with streaking tears.  Not believing what she had just read, she ran out and looked towards where the cabin should have been.  Instead, there was nothing, NOTHING!  She broke down into tears.  The people who had taken her in and treated her as if she were family were gone.  She felt like she had known them her whole life.  She and Mollie were not the only orphans now.

By now she had collapsed in the sand and was fully crying.  She felt something drop in her lap.  She looked up and saw a pitch black owl flying away over the cottage.  She looked down to her lap and saw a black envelope with her name written on it in red letters.  Her hands, now trembling even more, reached for the letter and lifted it.  She turned it around to open it and saw a wax seal on it.  The emblem was that of the dark mark.

She dropped it in fear, as if it would explode and kill her.  She slowly reached out for it and began to open it with great caution.  She pulled out the black paper and carefully unfolded it.  Reading the blood red letters, she lapsed into tears yet again.

          _Mudblood,_

_You probably already know what this is about.  If you don't then you're dumber than I thought.  You've still been a bloody prat and decide no to join my ranks.  I told you that you would pay.  I told you that your parents were just the beginning.  But you did not heed my warning.  So you went gallivanting around with that Potter kid.  I thought you knew better than to get close to anyone.  But nonetheless, it helped me out in my torture of you._

_                             JOIN ME OR **SUFFER**!!_

There was no signature, but there needn't be one.  Lily knew exactly who it was from.  In rage, she crumpled the letter and threw it out into the ocean.

"**FUCK YOU, YOU GOD DAMN ****BASTARD!  I'll **NEVER** fucking join your god damn army!  I'll DIE first!" she screamed to no one particular.  She then stormed into the house, picked up the muggle pen that Dumbledore had given her and yelled, "Take me the ****hell home! Take me home!"  She felt a tug behind her navel and was soon spinning around.**

She landed in a crumpled heap on the floor of Dumbledore's office, broken down in tears yet again!  She kept mumbling to herself under her breathe.

"All my fault.  **_Everything_!!  DEAD!  Because of **ME**!  Don't deserve to live! Stupid Mother ****Fucker!"**

She kept repeating this to herself amid her cries.  Soon, she felt arms wrap around her sholders and she leaned into the warm chest of her Headmaster.

"Shush my child.  Don't say such things!" he crooned to her as he continued rocking her back and forth, his hands rubbing her up and down her back; just like a mother would do to calm her screaming baby.

Once the gentle rocking had lulled her to calmness.  She looked up into the sad face of her old friend.

"I'm sorry sir," she said quietly.

"For what my dear?" the bearded man said in the kindest voice anyone had ever heard him use.  "You've done nothing wrong."

"They're DEAD!  Because of ME!  They treat me like their own daughter and how do I repay them?  By getting them killed!  And James!  I've ruined yet another person's life!" she yelled out in agony of the heart.

"My dear, please stop this nonsense.  You've been through quite a lot and I believe a night in the hospital wing would do you good," he said in a parental tone.

"But it's still morning!" Lily complained.  She may have wanted time alone, but not spent in the hospital wing.  Madame Pomphrey looked down upon her as if she were something vulgar.  Besides, at least in her room she had something to do.

"I know that Lily.  I said night and I meant night.  Today is Christmas… It's supposed to be a happy day.  Please try to enjoy yourself.  And after dinner, it's up to see Poppy."  Lily only nodded in agreement.  "No speaking of where you've been and what happened.  Act as though you were just a regular person who had read it in the paper.  Merry Christmas Lily!" he said as she walked out.

"Yea… Merry Fucking Christmas!" she said sarcastically.

  
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**_Thank you all sooooo much! I'm glad you all like my story. Alas tho, I am nearing the end. I'm estimating about three chapters left. I apologize for killing off such new characters. One person who reviewed said that they really liked James' parents, but it had to be done. Anyway, I don't feel like going through all of my thankyou's today, so I'm going to stop here. This chapter is a little shorter than some others, but I couldn't add much more without making it almost two chapters. But fear not, for I am in the progress on #19!_**

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**_Franie!_**


	19. Chapter 19

**_Chapter 19 ~ Confessions_**

_          "Tears at times have all the weight of speech."_

_                   ~ Ovid_

_          "You may only be one person to the world, but you may also be the world to one person."___

_                   ~Proverb_

          Lily sat in the common room, sting on the couch and waiting for Mollie and Remus.  The sleep she had missed began to catch up with her eyes began to droop.  It was almost ten and Mollie and Remus STILL weren't up.  She was almost asleep when thundering awakened her.  She jumped up with a start and a few minutes later, heard her named called with excitement.

          Soon she was toppled over by Remus.  He gave her a huge hug.

          "Oh my GOD!  You have now idea how boring it was without you!" he said happily.  He looked at her face and saw how unhappy it was.  His face fell.  "Whatsamatter?" Lily didn't say anything.  She just looked over his shoulder blandly, hugging him even harder.

          "Lily, what's wrong?" Remus repeated concernedly.

          "Nothing," Lily mumbled into his chest.  She was clinging onto him for dear life.

          "Lil, you're cutting off my circulation… something's wrong," He said jokingly but in all seriousness.

          "Sorry," she said quietly while pulling away from him.  She took a deep breathe and fell back onto the sofa, breaking out in tears.  Remus was there holding her in a millisecond, rocking her back and forth and telling her it was okay.

          Once when all her tears were spent, she looked up at him with gracious eyes.

          "I love you Remus… you know that right?" she asked.  "You're the brother I never had… and the funny thing is, I've just gotten to know you.  Too bad all good things come to an end," she said, the last being almost inaudible, but Remus caught it anyway.

          "What do you mean by that?" he voiced.

          "Nothing," she repeated, burring her face again.

          "So tell me what's wrong," Remus demanded.  Lily knew she couldn't tell him, Dumbledore told her not to.  And even if she tried, she'd break out in tears.

          _But her never said not to **show them, he mind told her.  She pulled the "Daily Prophet" out of her robe pocket and handed it to him.**_

          "This," she said quietly, pointing at the article, "Is my fault."  Remus' eyes quickly scanned the paper and widened as he let out a gasp.

          "The Potter's?  Dead?"  All Lily could do was nod her head.  She fell into his embrace again, only this time to comfort him.

          "I'm sorry Rem… it's all my fault."

          "Your fault?" he croaked, "How could this be your fault?"

          "Voldemort wants me on his side, I refused so he killed off my parents, Mollies' parents and now James'.  I got a letter from him each time."

          "It's not your fault!  You understand?"  Lily couldn't blatantly tell him a lie, so she just nodded her head in the affirmative.  After a comfortable silence, Lily had come to a decision.

          "Thanks Remus, for letting me cry on your shoulder.  I think I'm gonna lie down for a little bit.  I didn't sleep at all last night."

          "No problem," Remus said as she began walking away.  "And Lily."

          "Yea," she turned around.

          "I love you too sis."

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          Her smile faded as she walked up the stairs.  She silently entered her room.  The soft breathing of Mollie greeted her.

          _Better now wake her up, she told herself in her head.  She went to her bedside table and grabbed a piece of parchment, quill and ink.  She went though the curtains to her bed and sat down, trying not to make it creak.  She closed the curtain and set out to write the hardest letter of her life._

          When she was finished, she folded it, wrote a name on the front and put it in her pocket.  She jogged her memory for something, anything, to help her out.  A light clicked and she reached under her bed and grabbed the silvery invisibility cloak she'd stuffed under there not so long ago.

          "Perfect," she whispered.  Placing if over her so that nothing showed, she walked out the dorm, down the stairs and into the now empty Common Room.

          _Remus must've gone for something to eat.  She continued out with now trouble.  She went to the owlery and sent her letter._

          "Phase one down pat," she said to herself.  "Now to finish the task," she said almost dreadfully.

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          James was lying in a bed in the Hospital Wing.  All of his injuries were healed… well at least most of them.  His heart was still pounding from the encounter and his head throbbed from the memory of it all…

_~FlAsHbAcK~_

_          Lana had just left and James was suddenly bored again.  He was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling, doing absolutely nothing.  He stood up and began to pace up and down the floor of his room.  Something didn't feel right.  He walked toward the living room and heard his parents hushed voices._

_          "She isn't safe… you know that Michael!  That's why Albus entrusted her to us!  She shouldn't be over there alone!'_

_          "Chelsey!  We can't keep her locked up in here!  She's been through so much.  Her parents are dead and she's pregnant, but the father doesn't seem to care… let alone know!  Don't you think she deserves some time alone?"_

_          "Yes but…"_

_          "No buts Chels… we're in as much danger as she is… she and James should be at Hogwarts, but what are we doing?  Putter him AND a classmate of his in danger!  They'd both be safer at Hogwarts and we'd be safer at the Ministry!"_

_          "Which one of my classmates is in danger?" James asked suddenly as he made himself visible to his parents.  His mom and dad sat stock-still, just starring at him.  He could tell his mother had been crying and both of them looked scared._

_          "N-no one," his mother stuttered._

_          "Dad?" James said, looking at his father questioningly.  The fear in his father's eyes made James scared as hell.  Instead of letting him answer, he opted to ask the more important question.  "What's going on?"_

_          "Chelsey… he should know.  At least some of it," Michael said when she looked at him warningly.  "Your mother and I aren't safe… not safe at all.  Voldemort has caught wind of… **some things**, and is after us," Mr. Potter explained._

_          "You don't know how right you are," said a wickedly evil voice._

_          James turned around and was met with the most horrid sight.  A man, if you'd call it that, was standing in front of him._

_          "Voldemort!" he hissed.  Voldemort only laughed._

_          Definitely a Gryffindor, showing stupid bravery.  You know most people would scream in fear just at the mere **whisper of my name," he said menacingly.**_

_          "I guess I'm not one of those people now am I!  I'm not afraid of you!" James replied forcefully.  He soon felt the weight of his fathers hand on his shoulder._

_          "James," he whispered, "stop and leave."_

_          "Very wise choice Potter.  Don't need innocent lives lost.  Although it would be very fun to make him watch you die in excruciating pain," Voldemort said with a chuckle._

_          James couldn't take it anymore.  He lunged at Voldemort; wand forgotten in his need to hurt this man._

_          "You little maggot!" Voldemort screamed as he threw him against the wall._

_          "Leave them alone!" James said with all the strength he could muster._

_          "I don't think so," Voldemort said with a twisted grin on his face.  He turned to face Chelsey Potter, who had stayed silent during the whole ordeal out of shock.  "Good bye Mrs. Potter, the world will miss you," he said sarcastically.  "Avada Kedavera!"_

_          "You BASTARD!" Jamese and his father screamed in unison as Chelsey Potter lay limp with lifelessness on the couch._

_          This time James remembered his heritage and grabbed his wand.  He was about to cast a stunning charm, but was hit with the most intense pain he'd ever felt before he could utter a word.  It felt like knives heated with red hot coals were stabbing him in a million places.  He was willing himself not to scream out in pain._

_          "You're more trouble than you're worth!" Voldemort screamed at him as he lifted the curse._

_          James was weak.  If the curse was bad then it's after effects were ten times worse.  His body felt heavier because of the tightness in his muscles.  He lifted him head weakly and saw Voldemort with his wand aimed at his dad.  Then, from the effort of holding his head up, the world went black._

_          Although the world may have gone black, he could still hear what was goin on._

_          "You know why I'm here, don't you Potter?"_

_          "You want to kill me."_

_          "Ya think?  But why am I going to kill you?"_

_          "Because we know your weakness… Tom.  We know what can bring you down."_

_          "You do?  Well it seems I don't give you enough credit Potter.  Too bad that will die with you."_

_          "Fuck you!"_

_          "I'd rather now.  But surprisingly enough that's not the REAL reason I'm killing you.  No, it's because a 16 year old girl won't join me.  She was then stupid enough to get close to **your** son!  So you're dying."_

_          "Her… and James?  Holy shit!"_

_          "You didn't know… did you?  Ha!  Too bad for you isn't it?  Well, I've had enough chit chat, I didn't come here to catch up with who's with who.  Goodbye Mr. Potter."_

_          "James, if you can hear me, take care of them!"_

_          "AVADA KADAVERA!"_

_~EnD oF fLaShBaCk~_

          His memory was foggy and he couldn't quite remember everything after he blacked out.  He did remember Voldemort screaming the killing curse and the sickening thud that he knew was his father hitting the floor.  He then felt the unbearable pain yet again.  He shivered as he recalled the pain.

          _They're gone, he thought, realization suddenly hitting him hard.  Silent tears were streaking down his face.  __They're gone!  Then something floated to his ears._

          **_Take care of them._**

          It was his father's voice.  What did he mean by that?  Who's them?  His head hurt with thinking.  He had woken up in the hospital wing and found out what had happened.  His winter cottage was evaporated gone… it no longer existed.

          James could no longer stand lying in the bed any longer.  He stood up and walked to the window and looked out.  Snow graced the grounds and it sparkled marvelously.  He then was a brown blob coming towards him in the air.  As it got closer, he defined it as an owl.  He quickly opened the window to let him in just before he flew right into the glass.  The owl circled overhead and then dropped a letter in his bed.  It then flew out the window again without a second glace.

          He crept over to the bed and slowly lifted the letter.  He had a foreboding feeling about this and it wasn't good.  He looked at his name written in beautiful handwriting.  The scrawl looked familiar, yet he couldn't tell who it was from.  He slowly opened it and unfolded the parchment.

**_                             My Dearest James,_**

****

**_          I'm sorry about everything.  I have to tell you some things before I do this; some things I have to get of my chest.  First, you must know that your parents died because of me.  All because I was stupid enough to get close to you and fall in love.  Oh, that's the second thing, I love you.  I have for a while now; since before we had sex.  I know you think you love me to, but I'm no sot sure you do.  You hurt me James, badly.  And I guess I hurt you too James, or at least I'm going to.  I got your parents killed, and a few other people as well.  How many more are going to die because of me?  None, because I won't let it happen!  This is the last time you'll hear form me James.  I can't stand anymore of this.  I feel like I'm going insane. Hell, most people will probably think I am after they find me.  Anyway, I just had to tell you these things._**

**_          I love you James, with all my heart.  And I hope you live a happy life.  Don't let what I've done stop you.  And don't let my death stop you.  If anything, let it help you._**

****

**_                             Love Always,_**

**_                                      Lily_**

****

          The letter was left to float onto the bed as James ran as fast as he could with his sore muscles to the Gryffindor Common Room.

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          **I know you all probably hate me rite now.  One because I just left a cliffy and two because of what Lily's doing.  But just remember this, I hate myself rite now too.  I cried when I wrote this and I really didn't want to write this… but it had to be done.  I'm an awful person who deserves to be flamed.  If you do flame me I will not hold it against you, for if I were a reader and not the author I would flame me to… if that makes any sense.  Anyway, onto thank yous.**

**QuidditchGrl**** ~ I feel proud that my fic could make you cry… though I'm sorry for probably making you cry rite now.**

**harrys****-babe**** ~ okay, breathe!  That's it.  I can't really tell u what Lily will do with the baby… all I can say is you'll find out soon enough.**

**Harry's girl**** ~ Brilliant deduction my dear Watson.****  Keep that in mind throughout the rest of my story.**

**fearless5**** ~ another person who is a wonderful sleuth… remember all of this in future chapters.  And think about it now… what Lily's going to do and what that could mean… Oops, I've said too much!**

**Lisa Meunier** ~ I know that everyone does this, her friends get hurt, but I had to do it.  If you have any suggestions on how I could make a new spin on it… I'm open to anything.****

**Goddess of gourgousness**** ~ I'm glad u like it so much.  Please feel free to keep reading.**

**hpfrek13**** ~ I'm not sure when this story is going to come to an end.  It may not end as soon as I'm thinking.  I may end up putting the sequel inside this story.  But I'm not sure.  I promise tho that this will be continued somehow.**

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**JeLlO**** ~ you are one of the only people I've gotten to swear in their reviews… feel special.**

**Steph**** ~ yet another person that I've made cry, I seem to have some uncanny ability to do that.  I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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**LilVickiRyan**** ~ how is she going to tell him?  That is a wonderful question.  But the question I'm more worried about is not how, but IS she going to tell him?  OOPS!!!! Once again, my typing has gone a little out of control.  Please keep this little secret to urself!**

**ElegyStar**** ~ *thanks ElegyStar for the standing ovation***

**Agloechen**** ~ Alrite, you had some good logical questions.  Firstly that had to happen soon cuz I was running out of ideas of what could happen between Lana and James.  Secondly, James' gift didn't get to Lily right away because the owl considered it a CHRISTMAS present, and you don't get those until Christmas day.  Sometimes the owls are really clever.  I hope that explains it and that I didn't make you more confused.**

**FairySprinkles**** ~ I don't know if this is the best l/j fic ever, I've read quite a few that are MUCH better than mine, but thank you anyway.**

**Captain Oblivious** ~ another violent attack on Voldemort.  He does deserve it tho, doesn't he?  Well you're going to hate him even more now aren't you?  Please feel free to attack Voldemort in anyway you possibly can, using any means necessary, just make him suffer! Lol.****

**Tymeless****-Moment**** ~ Yes Lily did curse at Dumbledore, but I thought it funny.  I know I'm evil and you probably hate me even more now… just know that in the end, they do end up together… all of us know this! ;)**

**podean-opaleye**** ~ you're right.  I haven't talked about Sirius that much, now have I?  Don't worry; he'll come up sooner or later.  I think I'll have a little of him in the next chapter… we'll see.**

****

**lilynjamesAAF****, RandomCharacter, angel-dolphin1, freakyfroggurl22, Marauders Lil Girl, mintytoothpick, FireFox 37x, kcchristian, Optical Illusions, Smiley Mary, misskittyfantastico12889, starbeam13, MegHarts, faries of the wood, bunny, sodapopgirl703, sailorsunandchildofthesun, Anarane Anwamane, Star19.**

**Alright…**** I think that's everyone.  If I failed to mention your name, please tell and I will make sure you get more recognition.  Please, I hope you all know what to do.**

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**Please Review!!!**

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	20. Chapter 20

**_Chapter 20 ~ I Pray_**

          James was running through the halls as fast as his feet could carry him.  To him it seemed to be too slow; but to all the kids he left in the wind, he was going faster than a rocket.  He kept running as quickly as he could, running and running.  Soon he ran into someone.  He looked up and was met by the eyes of his best friend.

          "Whoa, James!  Where the hell do you think you're going?  You should be in the hospital wing.  Come on buddy, lets get you there," Sirius said concernedly.

          "Get the fuck off me Sirius!" James yelled at his best friend.

          "Dude… what's wrong?" he asked.  James never swore at him like that without a reason.

          "That's really none of your business," James retorted, trying to find a way around him.

          "I think it is bud, what the hell is going on?" Sirius said while blocking his retreat.

          "If you don't get out of my way, I'll never forgive you cause then she'll be dead and it'll be all your fault!" he screamed.

          "Who will be dead?!?"

          "Lily, now if you want to help, go get Dumbledore and hurry!" James commanded.

          "Alright James." And with that, Sirius departed to the headmaster's office and James continued his route to the common room.

          When he reached the portrait, he was out of breath and could barely whisper the password.  When he finally did spit the password out, he ran into the common room and saw it was empty.  He ran up the girls' dorm, but the stairs soon disappeared and became a slide.

          "Damn it!" he cursed as he slid down.  "LILY!  MOLLIE!  SOMEONE GET THE HELL UP!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.  "HELLO!  WAKE UP!  MOLLIE SANDERS GET UP!!"

          "WHAT?" Mollie said as she arrived at the top of the stairs.  "Oh, hello Potter and a Merry Christmas to you too," she said sarcastically.

          "I don't have time for your snide remarks Mollie!  Do you know where Lily is?" he asked urgently.

          "No I don't, she went away for Christmas, just like you did.  Why do you care anyway and why are you back?" she asked skeptically.

          "Read the _Daily Prophet_ if you need to know why I'm here.  And she must've come back cause she sent me a letter with a school owl.  Do you have ANY idea where she could be?" he asked quickly, making everything run together.

          "I don't know!  Why the hell do you want to know?" she asked, getting really confused.

          "I want to know cause that letter she sent me was a suicide note and if I don't find her she may very well die!" he yelled at her, getting very exasperated.

          "What?  No!  She wouldn't!"

          "She DID!"

          "Um… did u check outside by the lake?" she asked, racking her brain for anywhere where Lily could've gone.

          "No I didn't… but I just got an idea.  Hurry up and get dress and meet me down here in about two minutes," he said running upstairs to his room.  He quickly went into his dresser drawer and grabbed a tattered piece of paper known as the marauders map.  He thundered back down the steps and into the common room to find a frazzled, but fully clothed, Mollie.

          "What's that?" she asked her eyes full of fear.

          "It's a map of the school.  It shows where everyone on the school grounds is," he explained quickly. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good," he chanted while waving his wand over the parchment.  In no time a map had drawn itself on the paper and a shit load of dots had themselves scattered all over the map.  James scanned the map for one dot in particular; the dot that read Lily Evans.  He soon found it, but something puzzled him deeply.  Right next to it, practically on top of it, was another dot.  And instead of a name next to it, there was a question mark.

          "Strange," he said, but soon forgot about it when he saw where Lily was.  "The Astronomy Tower!  Let's go Mollie!  You go and get Madame Pomphrey.  I hope we don't need her, but just in case," he said softly.

          "Shouldn't we get Dumbledore?" she asked nervously.

          "Sirius is already getting him, just hurry!" James said as they both began to run out of the portrait hole and to their assigned people.  They both prayed that they got there in time.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

          Sirius quickly ran around the halls, frantically looking for the headmaster's office.

          _Where the hell is it?  Think stupid!  Marauder's Map… next to the… the what?  Statue!  Statue of… of a GARGOYLE!  Okay, what floor was that now?  Um… second?  No, main floor okay, lets get going._

He soon found the statue.

          "Now what?" he asked himself out loud.  "Um… open sesame?  No… uh… olly olly aux 'n' free?  DAMN IT!" he yelled, kicking the stone statue in frustration.  "Open the fuck up you stupid statue!"  The statue soon opened and out walked the headmaster himself.

          "Now, now Mr. Black, there is no reason to attack my dear statue," he said calmly.

          "There is when someone's life is in danger!" Sirius replied angrily.

          "What?  Who Mr. Black?" Dumbledore asked, now fully aware.

          "Evans! Now let's go!" Sirius said, grabbing the professor's hand.  "Shit!  I don't know where to go!" he exclaimed after running around for a little.

          "May I suggest, Mr. Black, that we try the Astronomy Tower.  I have a feeling she'll try it there again," Albus said, looking older and more tired that the dog had ever seen him.

          "Again?  Oh god, let's go!" Sirius said running yet again.

/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\

          Mollie was sprinting as fast as she could to the Hospital Wing.  She knew that this was real and urgent.  She didn't know why Lily would want to do this, but she knew that if something got her this upset she would do something like this.  Soon, but not soon enough to Mollie, she reached the infirmary.  She stood there, completely breathless.

          "May I help you Miss Sanders?" the nurse asked in a crisp tone.

          "Yes… Astronomy Tower… Lily… jump," Mollie replied while heaving to get her breath back.

          "Breathe girl!  Now tell me this again?" the nurse ordered.

          "Lily has become suicidal and we need you at the Astronomy Tower, NOW!" she said, still panting a little bit.

          "Let's go child!" the nurse said urgently, grabbing Mollie by the arm.

          _Great!_ Mollie thought, _back to running again!_

≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈≈

          James was running as fast as he could.  His chest had a sharp pain every time his heart beat and he took in a breath, which was about five times every second.  His side had a painful stitch in it, but he didn't care.  He kept running at full speed, pushing himself to run faster.

          "Please God!  Let me get there on time!" he pleaded.

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          "I asked you for one good reason," she said quietly, "And you gave me one… one reason to do this!  I won't have it grow up in this… evil, I refuse!  I've known it for too long myself!  The world is an evil, dreadful place," she whispered.  "Please forgive me," she said almost silently and let herself fall from her standing position on the rail and into the ice cold air, letting it wash her and all her sins away.

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          When James reached his destination, he saw nothing.  There was no one there.  He soon heard footsteps trampling up the stairs and was met by the four people he had sent for.

          "She isn't here," he whispered in fright.  "She was but…" he trailed off, scared where it may lead him.

          "You don't think she…?" Mollie asked.  Everyone knew what she meant but no one knew what to say.  Finally Dumbledore walked to the railing and looked down.

          "Madame Pomphrey," he started somberly, "Go get the hospital wing ready."

          "No, she… she didn't.  Lily wouldn't!" Mollie started to babble.

          "I'm afraid she did," the headmaster replied morosely.  "She may still be alive.  Every witch and wizard has a sort of… safety mechanism that helps them survive.  She'll definitely have some major injuries, but may still very well be alive."

          "HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?" James yelled at the white haired wizard.  She's down there dying and you're just standing there explaining this to us!  DO SOMETHING!"

          "James," Sirius said, taking a hold of him by the shoulders, "calm down.  We're gonna help her."

          "Get the hell off me!" James yelled in anguish.

          "No, you're going to hurt someone, or worse, yourself.  There's no reason to loose our heads over this; it'll only make matters worse," Sirius tried to say calmly but his voice faltered.  James collapsed to the floor.

          "Just help her!" he said with tears streaking down his cheeks.

          "We are James, we are," Dumbledore assured.

∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩∩

          James was sitting in a chair in the hospital wing.  Mollie, Sirius and Remus were sitting with him.  Remus had run into them on his way back to Gryffindor Tower form the kitchens.  They were waiting on Madame Pomphery to give them Lily's status.  James palms were sweaty and his knees were bouncing up and down in nervousness.

          "What the hell is talking so long?" he finally questioned everyone's thoughts.

          "James, that was a big fall, it's gonna take some time to check her," Sirius said, being the voice of reason.  He looked James in the eye, looking at him with the most serious expression anyone had ever seen on his face.

          "James, Sirius?" Remus started, the first time he talked since he'd found out what happened.  "Why are you two even here?"

          "I'm here because… because I've realized how incredibly and insufferably stupid I've been," James said.

          "I could've told you that," Mollie said, trying to lighten the mood, but not succeeding.

          "And you?" Remus said, looking at Sirius.

          "'Cause lover-boy here made me get Dumbledore and he needs someone with him."

          "Guys, I know this is being weird… but I'm desperate.  Lily once told me that before she was here, she was a … cowlick?" James said unsurely.

          "Catholic," Mollie corrected, thinking back on all of her conversations with Lily over the years.

          'Yea… and that she believed, and still does, that if you pray to God then good things should happen.  Not all the time, mind you, but it helps.  I think, that maybe we should try it, for Lily," James said quietly.  He looked up and saw everyone looking at him in awe.  He felt a little embarrassed but soon felt a squeeze in the hand from Mollie.  She then also took Sirius' hand who took Remus' who James', they all closed their eyes.

          "Dear God," Mollie started, "one of you best friend's, Lily, is hurt.  None of us are good at this, but we're asking for your help.  She's… she's deathly ill and we just want her to be okay."

          "I don't know Lily very well," Sirius said, "but I want to.  I've heard she's a wonderful person.  She doesn't deserve this, no one does.  She may think she does, but she doesn't."

          "She's like my sister," Remus continued, "I dunno what I'd do without her now.  She's an amazing person whose life is full of enough sorrow.  Don't let her life end like this."

          "I lover her God," James picked up where Remus left off.  By now tears were streaming down everyone's face, even Sirius'.  "Don't take her away from me when I've only just gotten to know her.  I want to, NEED to, show her how much I love her.  I know I'm not the best person, but… just do this, PLEASE!"

_I can't quote the Bible  
I skipped Sunday school  
And I can't count the times I fell and broken the golden rule  
So I don't know if He listens  
Sometimes I wonder if He cares  
Maybe I'm just wishin'  
'Cause I can't even prove he's there  
  
But I pray   
He'll watch over my children  
I pray  
Just to be a better man  
To find the strength to rise above  
To be there for the ones I love  
To forgive and be forgiven some sweet day  
I pray  
  
Now I confess I don't bow my head as often as I should  
Mostly just when times are bad, rarely when they're good  
And I don't hold with too much preachin'  
But I was raised up to believe  
That a man can't ever stand as tall  
As when he gets down on his knees  
  
So I pray  
He'll watch over my children  
I pray  
Just to be a better man  
To find the strength to rise above  
To be there for the ones I love  
To forgive and be forgiven some sweet day  
I pray  
  
So I pray  
For a world that's gone half crazy  
I pray  
For every woman child and man  
To find the strength to rise above  
To teach each other how to love  
To forgive and be forgiven some sweet day  
  
I pray  
I pray_

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**_Authors Note_****_ ~ OMG!! I can't believe it!  I can't believe I've actually gotten to chapter 20.  I know you all hate me now… but the worst is yet to come.  I know you'll all hate me by the time this story is over.  If any of you get upset with this because I've had the basic plot figured out before I started writing.  I know this chapter is kinda short, but the next one is in the works and is promised to be longer.  I've had so many reviews it isn't even funny.  Less than 50 more and I'll be at 500!  AND I'm on 43!!!! People's favorites list!!!!!  I feel so loved and special!  Anyway…I best move onto thank yous so I can explain things to ya._**

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**_Optical Illusions_****_ ~ Lily didn't tell James she was pregnant cuz she doesn't want to feel guilty about it… even tho she will in the end… but all things will be revealed in good time. ;) Now to ur second review… LoL… I don't think u got their in time either._**

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**_Lily Bell_****_ ~ I'm being threatened again!  That must mean I'm doing something right or wrong… I'm hoping it's right.  And I know the ending was cruel, but that makes this chapter seem so much better and you so anxious to read it!_**

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**_Ryan Barton_****_ ~ No, you can go ahead and say something bad… I love critizism, as long as you aren't putting ME down personally.  I'm glad u like it tho._**

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**_GinaToms_****_ ~ Thank you!  I'm glad you feel so passionately about that.  I normally just joke around ya know?  Like just now, but thanx for sticking up for me!_**

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**_Harry's-babe_****_ ~ I'm glad you can't be mad… but will u be mad now?  Harry WILL come… don't worry about that… I'm not going to change MUCH from JK's ideas._**

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**_Starbeam13_****_ ~ First off, ur not annoying… I love reviews like urs, they make me laugh.  And I'm sorry to leave you hanging, but that was pretty much my first BAD cliffy._**

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**_Hpfrek13_****_ ~ First off, I hate cliffy's too… but some kind of torture needs to happen.  Voldemort wants Lily b/c he's heard word that she's a powerful witch and shit like that¸ wants her on his army instead of against it.  And Lily didn't tell James yet b/c she isn't ready… that will be explained more later.  And don't worry about asking me questions, I don't mind._**

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**_Amilianna_****_ ~ Hmmm… u r on the right track with the when/if she tells him.  I know I suck at updates and all that other stuff… just don't hate me!!_**

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**_Desthemaraudetette_****_ ~ If I do anything in this story that you don't like, then u can flame me for all of eternity.  I've had this story planned in my head and the main points of what I wanted to do planned out as well… including what will happen to the baby.  I'm sorry ahead of time. :`(_**

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**_Lisa Meunier_****_ ~ I'm sorry if my story seems soap-opera ish.  I'm not trying to, but as I've said a few times now, I've had most of this planned out for a while now… just be patient with me._**

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**_Freakyfroggurl22_****_ ~ Marshmallows are yummie!_**

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**_Agloechen_****_ ~ yes, I no I'm terrible with grammar and spelling, you know y tho?  I get so into the story I get ahead of myself and forget stuff… then everyone pressuring me to update I forget to proofread!  AH! Anyway, It's still Christmas, as I _**think******_ I revealed here._**

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**_Hinkypunk2_****_ ~ some things will turn out alrite… I'll tell u one thing, Lily doesn't die!  And I hope u like Sirius here, I turned him a little nicer, didn't I?_**

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**_Lunitapr_****_ ~ WOW!  So you don't review much?  I'm guessing I'm one of a privileged few eh?  Well, thanks and I'm glad u love it so much._**

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**_LiL'AnGeL1011_****_, elvencherry07, Lady Evil Flame, kat6528, J.E.A.R.Potter, Elisabeth Potter, Star19, LilVickiRyan, ginnyweasly-fan, sailorsunandchildofthesun, Jenngurlie15, jess, misskittyfantastico12889, MegHarts, Zagreb_girl, mintytoothpick, Anarane Anwamane, EledyStar, me, FireFox 37x, lilynjamesAAF, PeRkieGuRl, Mystic Wood, Mirage, RandomCharacter, Leigh, Ccilia, faries of the wood, Delia, kcchirstian, and thyme._**

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**_WOW!!! That's a lot.  U guys surprise me every time… it seems I get about 50+ reviews each chapie!  I feel so loved!  Now don't disappoint me, keep up the good reviewing!!_**

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**_Love u all,_**

**_FEAngel_**


	21. Chapter 21

**_Chapter 21 ~ Visitors from the Past and Glimpses of the Future_**

**__**

          The aging white haired wizard was watching the nurse as she frantically scanned the poor witch lying on the bed.  He noticed the flow of blood coming out from underneath her and became even more nervous.  Something was definitely wrong, very wrong.

          "Poppy?" he questioned with a quiver in his voice.

          "She's very ill," the nurse said with a tremor.  "She's in a coma and unless she wants to wake up, she won't.  She could be here a while," she explained.  Even though she didn't much like Miss Evans right now; she was still a student and this upset her.  Dumbledore looked at her with doubt and the nurse continued.  "She has one broken and three fractured ribs, her left ulna and radius were snapped, severe head trauma, and a misaligned back.  Other than that a few mere bruises, nothing I can't fix," she said with more confidence than she felt she had.  "If she had landed any other way, she would have been dead on scene."

          "The blood?  Why is there blood?" the headmaster asked.

          "Blood?  Oh my…" she gasped as she went to work.  She had a feeling of what it was, as did Dumbledore and neither of them liked where their minds were taking them.

`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`^`

          Albus went out to the four waiting outside of the curtain.  James looked up and knew it wasn't good.  The old man's face looked ancient and more lines of worry appeared.  James couldn't say a word; he was fearing the worst.

          _She's dead,_ he thought, _oh gods she's dead!_

          "How is she?" Mollie voiced what everyone was thinking.

          "She's alive, if that's what you mean," he said, "but barely.  She had a few broken and fractured bones and head trauma, plus a few other things.  If she hadn't landed how she did, then she wouldn't even have been alive when we got there."

          "But she's alive?" James asked hopefully.

          "Yes, she's alive, but in a coma.  Madame Pomphery says she won't wake up unless she wants to," the headmaster looked at them, trying to portray everything, his eyes looking dead.

          "C-can I see her?" James asked.

          "Yes James, you may see her… but be careful," he warned.  James jumped up and rushed behind the curtains, but the headmaster stayed behind.

          "Sirius, would you go with James?" the headmaster questioned, but it sounded more like a command.

          "Sure," he said a little suspiciously.

          "Headmaster?"  Mollie looked up at him, fear evident in her eyes.

          "Is the baby ok?" Remus blurted out as realization dawned on him.  He and Mollie were the only two students who knew of Lily's pregnancy.  Dumbledore obviously wanted to tell them something pertaining to Lily that James and Sirius couldn't know. Two plus two equals four.

          "I'm afraid not," Dumbledore replied sadly, shaking his head.  "She's lost it."  Teas came to Mollie's eyes as she ran to the curtain.  She rushed to the other side and griped Lily's hand.

          "Some Christmas huh?" she said, laughing bitterly with tears dripping down her face.  "Oh Lily!  I'm so sorry!"

          Remus was soon behind her.   He gripped her shoulder and she turned and sobbed into his chest.

          "Why us?" she asked, "Why Lily?"

          "I don't know Mollie.  I guess it was meant to be," he said while hugging her close as tears reached his own eyes.  He looked at Lily sorrowfully and sat down in a chair next to her, pulling Mollie into his lap.  She continued crying on his shoulder.  James looked at her curiously, but went back to hold Lily's hand, squeezing it tightly, willing her to wake.

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          There was a misty haze around her.  She felt as though she were floating.  Everything felt surreal.  She kept walking but it felt as though she were going nowhere.  She looked around frantically and saw four people walking toward her.

          "Hello?" she said in more of a question.  It echoed out and she knew she wasn't in the hell she thought she deserved.

          "Lily flower," she heard called out to her.  The voice sounded familiar.

          "Daddy?" she questioned in false hope.

          "My dear Lily Flower," his voice sounded somber, but she would have recognized it anywhere.

          "DADDY!" she said again, this time running into the familiar form of her father and burring her face in his chest.  "I've missed you **so much!"**

          "I've missed you too… but I was hoping not to see you for a while," he said, lying his head on top of hers and squeezing her tight.  "What were you thinking?" he voiced, mainly to himself.

          "Lily dear," said another voice.  Lily looked up and saw the frowning face of Chelsey Potter.  "You know that didn't solve anything… it just made matters worse."  Lily's face reddened and she buried it her father's chest again.

          "I guess I was just so upset… but now I'm with you guys!  That's all that matters," she said, knowing it wouldn't help any.

          "Lily," Mr. Potter began, "You can't do this right now.  If you were to… people's lives wouldn't be the same."

          "What's it worth!  Nothing!  My life is shit!" she said in sudden anguish.

          "Lillian Anastasia Pot-EVANS!" he mother yelled, almost revealing too much of what she knew.  "Watch your tongue," she said quietly.

          "I'm sorry!" Lily replied, obviously missing the slip-up.  "It's just that… my life seems worthless and that everyone would be better off without me in theirs!"  She tried to hide herself from everyone by clinging to her father, but Mr. Potter gripped her shoulder.

          "Come here Lily, let me show you something," he said, pulling her away from the warmth of her fathers chest and over to what appeared to be a small pond.  The water looked suspiciously like unicorn blood and she could see her reflection.  When she looked next to her, Mr. Potter was right there but she couldn't see his.

          "_Commonstro__ are iam," Mr. Potter chanted, sticking his hand in the water and swirling it around.  Soon some images appeared and Lily was struck in awe with what she saw._

          The sky seems to be black against the setting sun.  It was showing the gates of Hogwarts.

          "Go in," Mr. Potter said, pushing her into the pond.  She sank down until she arrived at the front gates.  She noticed that the winged boars that guarded the gate were chipped and burnt black, smoke billowing up from their heads.  She slowly opened the gates and one almost fell off its hinges.  This wasn't the Hogwarts she knew.

          "Good God what happened?" she gasped.  Slowly walking down the path, the castle came into view.  She almost fainted in shock when she saw it.  Many of the windows were broken and there seemed to be dark stains on the walls that looked suspiciously like blood.  Chills went down her spine.  Something wasn't right.

          She walked through the doors and into the Entrance Hall.  The torches were lit with green flames.  The castle seemed colder than before.  She walked into the Great Hall and what met her eyes made her feel sick.  Death Eaters littered the hall.  Most of them were drunk and those who weren't were close.

          Voldemort was sitting where the Headmaster normally would.  He looked around the room as though he were bored.  He looked around the hall at his followers in what looked like disgust to Lily.  He rose from his seat and it astounded her at how quickly the drunken idiots became alert and reverent towards their 'ruler' as he eyed his 'subjects'.

          "I've become bored," he stated.  Suddenly the drunks grew worried and began to whisper.  If he was bored, that was no good.  "Silence," he hissed, becoming even more annoyed with them.  Then, one brave soul walked forward, head bent very low.  He approached Voldemort cautiously and dropped to his knees when he was in front of him.  He grabbed a handful of his robes with shaking hands and kissed the hem.

          "Master," he slurred, "if I may suggest, we still have that old fool locked up, he could prove to be some wonderful entertainment."

          "Yes, that would be lovely," Voldemort said with a twisted grin on his face.  "Well, what are you waiting for, bring the crazy Mudblood lover up here," he said when the bowing death eater did nothing.  He gave him a kick and he then scurried off, only to return with a haggard looking Albus Dumbledore.

          The unknown death eater threw the elderly man to the floor roughly at the feet of his master.  Lily was shocked to say the least that this man, who looked like a house elf, was her highly respected headmaster.

          "Ah, the high, almighty and esteemed headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore; not so high and almighty now, are you?  What would the wizarding world say if they saw you now?  Not much, let's just say, now that I'm in command," Voldemort hissed at him menacingly.

          "You'll loose eventually," the white haired man said weakly.  It took all the energy he had to say those few words.  Voldemort just laughed.

          "How can I loose when I've already won?  Don't you get it old man?  You've finally lost.  You and your precious school and all the Mudbloods who walked it have fallen," he laughed even harder.  "And now I get to watch you suffer.  Oh the irony!" he threw his head back and outright laughed.  Lily cringed and felt bile coming up her throat but she held it down.

          The still drunk death eaters were now watching with hunger in their eyes.  She knew what was coming, but didn't want to admit it.  She watched as Voldemort raised his wand in almost slow motion and muttered the crucraticus curse.  The shrill yells and screams of the only hope of the wizarding world filled Lily's ears.  Her hands went up to them and tried to block the shrieks out, but they persisted, getting louder each minute.  It was as though someone were scraping their nails against a chalkboard, only worse.

          "Stop!" Lily screamed, "STOP IT!!!  PLEASE!!!"

          Suddenly she was tugged up and she collapsed in the arms of her father again.  She continued bawling.  

          "Why does that have to happen???" she said between sobs.

          "It doesn't Lily," Mister Potter intoned, "but it will if you die now.  Don't you understand that one death can change the entire future?"  Lily just shook her head into her father's now soaked shirt.  "Let me show you what would happen if you DON'T die now.  You don't understand the cataclysmic events that could occur just because of YOU!"  He took her back over to the pool and just had her look down.  She saw a group of wizards setting off magical fireworks and celebrating, loudly.  They were very happy and merry.  The image them faded and she saw the Great Hall in Hogwarts.  The headmaster rose with a somber look on his face.

          "As most of you obviously know, Voldemort has fallen," he paused there and let the gasps upon hearing the name of evil itself die down and then continue.  "I believe we should honor those people who brought this about."  At this he raised his goblet and everyone in the hall followed suit.  "To Harry, Lily and James," he said, tipping his glass.  The students quietly echoed the toast and drank.  It then faded away and Lily looked at them all in shock.

          "Voldemort?  Gone, b-because of me?" she asked dumbfounded.  They just nodded.  "So I… I have to live so he can die?"

          "Pretty much," her father responded.

          "But I have nothing to live for right now!  Why should I?" she said, still only thinking of herself.

          "Lily, think about it… you're going to be saving millions of lives!" her mother said.  "We don't need another Holocaust down there; it's bad enough as it is.  The world needs you!  That's something to live for.  Your friends need you.  It's not all about you Lily… you need to be a little selfless."

          "I've BEEN selfless!  All this time I've thought about what would he want me to do?  Or what would make her happy?  I need to do something for myself!" she said, sick and tired of everything.

          "Fine, go out on a shopping spree, indulge yourself, let someone get close to you, let someone LOVE you!" her father said.  "Goodbye Lily and take care."  The voice faded away and everything became black again until it turned into a blinding white light.

          She suddenly became aware of her surroundings.  She kept her eyes shut but knew exactly where she was; the hospital wing.  Both of her hands were being held, the one so tight she assumed it was purple by now.  She heard people whispering and crying.

          _They won't let me die,_ she thought to herself sadly.  _They won't let me.  She then tried to wake up but couldn't do that either.  Her eyelids were to heavy and her body weak.  She just let herself fall asleep.  She knew they would all be there when she woke.  She knew she wasn't going to die, they wouldn't let her.  She could accept that.  She had a mission and she was going to fulfill it if it was the last thing she ever did.  Gently she squeezed the hand with the death grip on her before drifting off to a dreamless sleep, a little smile playing on her lips._

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Ok… last chapter I forgot to say that the song at the end was _I Pray_ by Lonestar.  Now, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry all!!!!  Most of you probably hate me and will be hunting me down to kill me b/c I killed the baby.  But, before I even started POSTING!! I had that plan planted in my mind.  If you all wish to shun me I won't blame you.  Any way, I love all of you who have reviewed.  I now have 520 reviews and am on 49 peoples favorites list!!!  I feel soooooooooo loved!!! Any way, thank yous are next… I'm running out of things to say damnit!!!

**_Lily Evenstar_****_ – Wow! Two reviews! I feel so special!!!!  I'm sorry to make you cry, but I guess that means I'm doing my job huh?  I'm glad to be able to pull so much emotion from people who read this, it takes a lot to write them like this, and sometimes I hate myself for making it so sad. _****_L_****__**

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**_HPdramer15_****_ ~ I feel so special!  That's now two people that have review to my story that normally wouldn't.  I'm glad I made you feel so much emotion, that means I'm doing my job… I hope.  You get cookies and milk now!  Cuz I just adored your review!_**

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**_Killer Angel_****_ – Question, what question mark dot?  Just wondering, cuz I'm not sure what ur talking about… anyway, thanx_**

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**_Goddess of Gorgeousness_****_ – HAY!!! I like brownies!  I hope this one isn't too bad of a cliffy…. I did try to make it better._**

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**_Aurora_****_ Tonks_****_ – Don't worry, Lily wont' die, as I hope you already figured out.  And I think Mollie and Sirius or Remus would make a cute couple, but I'm not up to writing that just yet.  Tanky._**

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**_Frantic_****_ – It's more my privilege than urs, believe me.  To have all of these reviews._**

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**_Rema_****_ – I'm glad u like this story.  Please don't go insane, then u wouldn't be able to read anymore!_**

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**_Nymphandor_tonks_6_****_ – I'm glad that you love this one, but believe me, there are better out there.  Tell me when you start posting ur story and I'll read it._**

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**_Siriusremusjames_****_ – in JKR's books James dose have hazel eyes, but I started this b4 that came out and I thought they could be blue… I really didn't feel like changing it.  Glad u like it tho._**

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**_Lisa Meunier_****_ – I know it's going slow!  And I HATE that I'm taking so long… but I can't seem to speed it up.  I've got so many things I want to put in here it's just… taking forever.  Don't worry tho, it's coming close to the end._**

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**_Agloechen_****_ – I know the thing with the Christmas present is kinda messed up, but here's what I've got going on him this insane head of myn.  James sent it to her as a Christmas Present, so it went with all of the other Christmas presents.  When she returned to Hogwarts, all of her things were brought back later and put in her room.  There are her gifts.  I hope that clears that up._**

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**_B-a-B-I_****_ – I thought the cowlick thing was good too.  I didn't want this chapter to be all tears, so I had to but something funny in it.  And I just loved that song and wanted to incorporate it in somehow._**

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**_Mystic Wind_****_ – Sorry for spelling it wrong… I'm a ditzy blonde!  I admit it!  I am a dumb blonde!!!_**

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**_Silver Kisses_****_, Teresaangel, angel-dolphin1, Dangerously In Love, gwvixen21, wizemunkee006, Charlene, elvencherry07, RandomCharacter, thyme, misskittyfantastico12889, Anarane Anwamane, Obbsesive, the lily among thorns, Optical Illusions, krazee4LJ, J.E.A.R.Potter, Natty, gwvixen, lilynjamesAAF, PeRkieGuRL, kcchirstian, FireFox_37x, Smiley Mary, LiLVickiRyan, DK Lili, freakyfroggurl22, faries of the wood, aCharmedOne, Star19, harrys-babe, sailorsunandchildofthesun, Ccilia, hpfrek13, kat6528, Cassandrah Potter, and Lily Bell._**

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Love ya,

Franie


	22. Chapter 22

**_Chapter 22 ~ Love_**

_"We all suffer from the preoccupation that there exists ... in the loved one, perfection."_

_                   ~ Sidney Poitier_

_"Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrong doing. It does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres."_

_                   ~ Corinthians 13_

_"The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain."_

_                   ~ Marvin Jay M. Torres_

          James was still sitting by Lily hours later.  He was stricken with grief.  But after a few hours there was a glimmer of hope.  He felt something on his hand, the hand he was holding Lily's in.

          "SHE SQUEEZED MY HAND!!" he yelled happily.  He jumped out of the chair he was in and was sitting on the bed almost immediately.  "Lily, can you hear me?" he asked, his voice barely containing his excitement.

          "What is all of the noise?" Madame Pomphrey asked as she paraded into the room.  "What is all this yelling about?"

          "She moved!  She squeezed my hand!" James said happily, not looking away from Lily.

          "Are you sure?" she asked looking at him skeptically.

          "Yes… and look, she's smiling!" he said, pointing at her face.

          "So she is," the nurse said, looking at Lily with a smile on her face.  "If you could move Mister Potter, I'd like to check her out again."  
          "Yes ma'am," he said, backing away from the bed to give her room.  The nurse quickly scanned Lily and smiled.

          "It seems she woken from her coma, but is asleep.  I'm going to have to ask you to leave Mr. Potter.  She needs her rest.  Using her magic to keep her alive has made her extremely weak," she instructed.  When James began to protest she interrupted him.  "Now, now, I promise to send for you the minute she wakes up.  But you need to go tell the others about her progress.  Is that understood?"  James just nodded his head and bid goodbye to the nurse and Lily, kissing her forehead.

          He quickly ran out of the infirmary and threw the empty corridors to the Gryffindor Common Room.  When he burst in it became evident that they were the only ones here for vacation.  Mollie, Remus, and Sirius were sitting in front of the fire, just staring.  No words were spoken.  But when they noticed James, they all rushed up to him and bombarded him with questions.

          "Is she okay?"

          "What's happening?"

          "Did she wake up?"

          "Whoa!  Slow down people," James said, still smiling.  "Yes she's okay and no she didn't wake up.  What's happening is she's asleep.  She woke from the coma but is still asleep.  Madame Pomphrey says she's weak from using her magic to keep herself alive, or something like that."  He was still smiling and everyone let out a breath when they heard the progress.  Soon all of them were in a better mood.

          "You know what we need to do?" Sirius asked, turning back into his usual goofy self.  "It _is Christmas, is it not?  I know for a fact that none of us have opened our gifts… so what do you say?" he said, looking at everyone expectantly.  Soon they were all thundering up the stairs to bring their presents down._

          "I've got an idea.  It's what we used to do at my house," Mollie suggested, thinking back to her parents.  This was also her first Christmas without her family.  "We'll put all the gifts in a pile and take them out, one at a time and see what everyone gets… what do you think?" she asked.  James somehow knew this was a tradition with Mollie's family and he knew it was her first time without it, so he decided to go along.

          "Sure, sounds better than just tearing threw them anyway," he said.  His mood was surprisingly brighter than he thought it would have been today.  First his parents are murdered by an evil git, and then the girl he loves tries to commit suicide.

          They piled all of the presents in the middle and Mollie grabbed one.  "James, it's for you," she said, handing it to him.

          "Wonder who this is from?" he said curiously while looking at it.  It was wrapped in shinny gold and red paper.  It was pretty heavy.  "Feels like a book."  Mollie looked at him.  She knew who it was from and what it was.

          "Open it!" she urged.  She wanted to see his reaction.  He tore off the paper and looked into a picture of himself, Remus, Sirius and Peter from first year.

          "Oh wow!  This is amazing," he said, running his hand over the dark leather and gold designs.  He opened the cover and was met with an onslaught of memories rushing threw him.  There was a picture of him covered in whipped cream with a sour look on his face.  There was a caption underneath that read: _Look at our Sour Puss.  Poor guy got foiled again by Lily ~ Remus.  "You gave this to me?" he asked, looking at Remus._

          "Nope," was all he said in reply.  They all knew who it was from… but they wanted him to figure it out himself.  He turned the page and saw a picture of him and Lily.  They were sitting in the Library 'studying'.

          "Who gave this to me?" he asked, shocked at the amount of pictures in it.

          "Read the back," Remus urged him.  James flipped to the inside of the back cover and found an inscription written in the same gold plating as the designs on the front.

                   _Merry Christmas James,_

_          I thought you'd like something a little more sentimental than junk from Zonko's.  So I bought this album for you and got all our friends to help me get some pictures together.  It's pretty much packed full, but I left some empty for you to put more in.  The one in the front can be changed, but I thought that one would be the most memorable.  I hope you enjoy all of the captions too… I thought they'd add some spice to it, make it unique. ;)_

_                             Love Lily_

          James had tears in his eyes when he finished reading it.  He tried to wipe them away without the other guys noticing, but if he failed, they said nothing.  He read over it again, his fingers running over the engraving.  His eyes lingered on the ending: _Love Lily_.

          "Who's next?" he asked suddenly.  Everyone looked at him, but he pulled out another present.  "Here Remus," he said handing it to him.  They continued opening presents, but James kept the album close to him the whole time.

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          Her eyelids fluttered open and she took her surroundings in.  She noticed she was in the hospital wing and that she was lying in a bed.  Everything came crashing down on her.  She remembered.  The tower.  The jump.  The cold biting air.  The crash.  The pain.  And then the dream.

          "Oh shit!  What in Merlin's name have I done?" she moaned as she tried to get up.  The aching in her body prevented her from getting half way up.  She groaned and fell back into the pillow, making the bed creak.  Madame Pomphrey came running out at hearing the noise and looked at Lily in surprise.

          "You're awake?" she said, although it sounded more like a question.

          "No!  Really?" Lily said sarcastically; when Lily was achy, she was also a bitch.  "Do you have ANYTHING for these god damn aches?" she asked impatiently.

          "Yes I do, hold on a minute Miss Evans," the nurse said as she ran to her cupboard, which was only about two beds over.  "You gave us quite a scare Lily, but thank Merlin for small miracles, eh?" the nurse said a little too cheerfully for Lily.

          "Small miracles?" she asked, not feeling up to beating around the bush.

          "If it weren't for the fact that you were a witch or the way you landed, you would've been dead a long while ago," Pomphrey said as she grabbed a potion bottle.

          "That was the idea," Lily said under her breathe, but the sound of Dumbledore screaming while under the Crucraticus curse came to her ears and she remembered that she needed to be an optimist.  _Fat chance there, she thought glumly._

          "Here you go dearie, now drink it all," the mediwitch said, handing her a blue potion.  Lily took it and quickly threw it into the back of her throat.  It instantly had a cooling effect and her throat felt as though she were eating ice cream, only without the taste.

          "Thanks," she said quietly.  "So what are the damages?" she asked as though it were as simple as a car crash.

          "Well, you have a misaligned back, which will be hurting for a bit.  You're left arm had pretty much been snapped in two.  And you have concussion, plus a few broken or cracked ribs… other than that, nothing really," the nurse said a little nervously.  Lily noticed that she wasn't looking at her at all, but looking around the room.

          "Nothing really?  What's that supposed to mean?  What else is there?" Lily asked, trying to sit up, but her back gave way.

          "I think I need to get Albus down here," she said more to herself.

          "What else is wrong with me?" Lily asked, almost yelling at the nurse who had gone to the fireplace and was quickly talking to the headmaster's head.  Soon his whole body appeared and he walked up to Lily's bed, brushing the soot off his star and moon robes.

          "Nice to see you awake Lily," the headmaster said cheerfully, but his face looked worried.  "We weren't expecting you to wake up so soon."

          "Well I'm awake obviously.  And this damned nurse won't tell me what else is wrong with me besides my broken bones!" Lily said angrily, her bitchy side showing yet again.

          "Miss Evans," the headmaster said formally.  His voice told her to be quiet and quick.  "Please don't exert yourself; we don't want you passing out again now do we?" he said with the fake cheerfulness that made Lily sick.  She gave him a look that clearly said she hadn't fallen for the facade.  The old man took a deep breath before continuing.  "That was a long fall Lily," his voice was now a little tenderer.  "You're lucky to be alive.  The only reason you survived is because you landed a certain way and your body used magic to keep itself surviving."  Here he paused, looking at her straight in the eyes.  "But for your baby, the case is different."  At this he put a hand over her own and looking into her eyes deeply.  It took Lily a while to fully understand what he actually meant.  Tears slowly came to her eyes and fell down her face silently.

          "I'm sorry Lily," the headmaster said quietly.  Lily just looked at him through her tears and griped his hand back.

          "Don't be sorry," she said, barely above a whisper.  "None of this is your fault, it's all mine.  If I wasn't so stupid…" she trailed off, not able to finish the sentence because the tears came on even harder.

          "You aren't stupid Lily; you just became overwhelmed with grief," he replied kindly.

          "Thank you, for everything," she said, looking down at her lap as tears fell off her face.  "How long have I been asleep?" she asked, looking back up to the headmaster.

          "It's about dinner time, Christmas."

          "Some Christmas," she murmured.  "This is my first Christmas without my parents and it was worse then I thought it would be; two innocent people get killed, then I find out it's because of me, then I go and try to kill myself, failing miserably, but killing my baby instead.  Can it get any worse?" she asked mainly to herself, the tears flowing even more.  "Oh wait, things always get worse."

          "You need to have a positive outlook on things Miss Evans.  Things are only as bad as you make them out to be," her guardian said compassionately.

          "Yea… I guess," Lily said without feeling.

          "I'll leave you now," he said, starting to get up.  "You get some rest."  With that he walked out of her curtains, leaving Lily alone to cry herself to sleep.

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          "Poppy, make sure that she is left alone.  She's going to be… unstable for a while," Dumbledore whispered as he walked past her.

          "Yes sir.  How did she react?" the nurse asked, looking at the aging headmaster who looked older if possible.

          "Not good Poppy, not good, as was expected.  She just needs time alone; to sift through everything she's learned.  She's had a hard Christmas.  No one's to see her.  The only reason for her to be disturbed would be for you to give her medicine, is that understood?"

          "Of corse, I understand, of corse," Madame Pomphrey said as Dumbledore walked out of the room.  The nurse walked up to the curtains.  She looked in and saw Lily curled up in a ball, hugging her pillow as she cried quietly.  The mediwitch shook her head sadly and closed the curtains.

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          James was in the Great Hall, but he couldn't eat at all.  His mind was on Lily.  He couldn't help but worry about her.  Is she okay?  When's she gonna wake up?  He just couldn't stand it.  He stood up and walked out without telling anyone where he was going.  He just upped and left.  He walked through the halls at a brisk pace, taking the stairs three at a time.  When he reached the doors to the Hospital Wing, he barged in.  He started walking strait towards the curtains that hid Lily's bed, but was stopped the mediwitch, who was about a head shorter than him.

          "Mr. Potter, you must go back to your common room or where ever you came from.  Miss Evans is not to be disturbed."

          "Is she awake?" he asked, trying to get around the short woman.

          "Yes… but she's supposed to be left alone."

          "But you said when she woke up…"

          "I know what I said, but I do believe that the headmaster overrules my decisions."

          "But… you promised!!!!"

          "Mister Potter!!!  I can't help what the headmaster decides!"

          "It's alright Madame Pomphrey," Lily said as she stepped out from behind the curtains.  "I don't mind."

          "What are you doing out of that bed!!!  You know you shouldn't be up and about!" the mediwitch said as she rushed over to Lily and ushered her back into the bed.

          "Let him in… I can take a visitor," Lily said quietly as she let the nurse cover her with the blankets.

          "Miss Evans…" the nurse started warningly.

          "I don't care what Dumbledore says!  He says a lot of things.  Most people go behind his back and do it anyway.  So please, just… let him in," Lily pleaded.

          "It's your own doing if you get sicker," Poppy said waving for James to come in.

          "Thanks," Lily said, burying her face in the pillow again.

          "Hey, you don't look so hot?" James asked as he sat down quietly.

          "Thank you Captain Obvious!" Lily said sarcastically, turning away from him and burying herself further into the blankets.

          "Sorry," James said quietly.  "It's just… I was worried about you and all."  He put a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged it off.  "What's wrong?" he asked as he heard her sniffle.

          "Oh I dunno," she said as she turned to look at him, tears shinning in her eyes.  "Maybe the fact that this is my first Christmas without my family, someone else has dies because of me, I tried to kill myself and fail miserably, and then I found out that I kill-" she stopped abruptly.

          "What?  Who did you kill?" James asked, looking at her intently.

          "No one," she said quietly.  _He doesn't need to know now that it's gone… not that he'd care._

          "Lily."

          "James… it's nothing okay?  Just… don't bug me about it.  I've got a lot going on," she replied, turning over again.

          "You know you can tell me anything," James said as he said down beside her on the bed.

          "Really?  I thought I couldn't trust you at all until a while ago… but that all changed when I started to know you.  But James… I'm not sure of anything any more," she said, turning to look up at him.

          "Lily," he started, "I love you."  He pulled her head up by her chin and leant down to give her a kiss.  His lips feather light on hers.  When he started to deepen it she pulled away, turning around yet again.  "What?" he asked, shock evident in his voice and on his face.

          "I can't do this right now… I can't," she said, tears coming to her eyes, choking her voice.

          "Why Lily?  You said you did, in your letter.  I love you Lily.  This I'm sure of," he said dejectedly.

          "You may be, but I'm not.  You hurt me… I loved you long before James, and I still do.  It's just…"

          "If you do then what's the problem?" he said, his hot temper showing.

          "The problem is I don't want to get hurt again… The problem is I'm not ready… The problem is… I'm scared," she whispered.  _The problem is I just lost your baby and don't know how to tell you_.

          "But Lily-"

          "James, I'm not ready for a relationship and that's all there is to it.  Give me time, be there for me, but most of all be my friend.  I need those more than anything right now."

          "Okay Lily… but I'll still love you, I always will."

          "Then just wait, wait for me."

          They sat there for a while, talking about anything and everything.  They talked about their families and James told her about Lana.  She smiled inwardly at this, but said nothing.  They just sat there, comfortable with each other as friends, forgetting for a while everything that had transpired between them.

          "So where are you going after school's out… I mean, your parents are gone," Lily said cautiously.

          "I suppose I'll go to my grandparents," he said.  "I can't believe they're gone though… how did you deal with it?"

          "I dunno… I just kept thinking that they're in a better place, that they're okay now."  She smiled a little, remembering her 'dream'.  "And they are… yours are too."

          "I guess so… but I mean, how can you be so sure?" he asked curiously.

          "I used to be a devout catholic… they went somewhere… I don't know if its heaven or what, but there's somewhere everyone goes.  It's just something I feel.  I don't know it, I can't see it, but I can feel it."

          "I guess that makes sense.  Where are you staying?  I mean your parents are gone too," James asked.

          "I'm staying here.  Dumbledore's my legal guardian.  Petunia's not really old enough or capable of being a guardian and she's my only other relative.  So Dumbledore went for guardianship."

          "That's cool, you get to stay here all year long."

          "No it's not… the castle gets boring when you're the only kid."  They both laughed at this a little.  They talked for hours after that, until Madame Pomphrey finally came in and said that Lily needed to sleep.

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          The next day Mollie and Remus came in with condolences and presents.

          "We thought that we'd bring them over since you didn't get to open them yesterday," Mollie said, dropping a pile of gifts on her bed.

          "Aww, thanks guys," Lily said.  Her mood had improved greatly after just talking to James as a friend.

          "You gonna be okay?" Remus asked, sitting on the edge of the bed as Mollie sat on the other side.

          "I'll survive.  The thing that really bugs me though is that I didn't really want it anyway… and now that I've lost it… it's just sad," Lily responded, sitting up Indian style.

          "Let's not talk about sad things… this is your make up Christmas!  So start ripping!" Mollie said, trying to lighten the mood.  Lily gladly conceded and started unwrapping.  She got a jewelry box from Mollie, a bottle of perfume from Remus, a pair of socks from Dumbledore and a few other knick knacks.  There was only one present left then.  It was a small box wrapped up in beautiful green paper. 

          "Who's this one from?" Lily asked curiously, turning it over and inspecting it.

          "Well find out!  Open it!" Mollie urged.

          "Fine fine!" Lily tore the paper off and looked at a box with Blarney inscribed on it.

          "WOW!  Lily that shit's expensive!" Remus said in awe.  Lily knew of Blarney Enterprises, but she never really bought name brand jewelry or clothes.  She lifted the lid and looked at the most plain and yet exquisite pieces of jewelry she'd ever seen.

          "It's beautiful," Lily said in amazement, her fingers grazing over the lilies.

          "Who sent it?" Mollie asked, looking into the box with the same look as Lily.

          "There's a note," Lily said, picking up a piece of parchment.  She started reading aloud.

**                   Dear Lily Flower,**

**          Hey, it's me, James… this is for you. I hope you like it. I picked it out especially for you. The real reason I'm writing this letter to you is to apologize. I should have never said what I did that day. I just hope that you will forgive me.**

**I hope that we can be friends again… There's more to this, but I'd like to talk to you in person. Happy Christmas and I'll see you soon.**

**                   James**

          Lily had tears in her eyes.  She knew what he had wanted to tell her.  He had told her earlier yesterday.  She quickly grabbed them and put them on, the ear rings, the bracelet and the necklace.

          "These are beautiful Lily," Mollie said, examining them more closely.

          "Yea," Lily sighed.  "Look!  It's changed colors!  It's… half yellow and half red."

          "I've heard of this!" Mollie said.  "It's a mood charm.  The colors stand for the moods you are feeling."

          "So what mood is she in?" Remus asked.

          "Well red means love… and yellow mean… bliss," Mollie said, searching her mind for any memory of it.

          "How in Merlin's name do you know that?" Remus asked.

          "Any fashion sensed witch would know it.  Jewelry like that is rare.  James gave that to you?" Mollie asked, looking at Lily again.

          "Yea… he did."

/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\/*\

          "Okay James, you have to do this," James said to himself as he looked at himself in the mirror.  "You don't want to lead her on… you love Lily, not that piece of trash."  He took a deep breathe and walked out of his dorm, out of the common room and out to the lake where he was meeting with Arabella.

          _She's a slut… and that's the truth… so why is this so hard to do?_

**_          Lily's made you soft, you're more worried about other's feelings than before._**__

_          That's it… I'm a different person, not the player I used to be._

          "Jamesie!!  You wanted to see me?" Arabella said as she ran up to him and threw herself on top of him.

          "Yea, I needed to talk to you," he replied stiffly, pushing her off.

          "What's wrong?" she asked, noticing the set look in his face.

          "I can't go out with you anymore… I don't love you," he said looking straight in her eye so she knew he wasn't lying.

          "You're dumping me?  _YOU are dumping __ME???" she almost screamed.  "NO ONE dumps me!!!"_

          "You need to get over yourself," James snapped.  "You're not the only person on this planet.  You better get used to people dumping you, cuz this won't be the last time.  I've heard tales that you're even seeing someone on the side.  Go run to him with some sob story and use him.  You need to grow up Arabella.  Grow up and get a life."

          "B-but you wanted me!  I saw you looking at me for the longest time!  Wh-why?  What changed?" she said, tears streaming down her cheeks.

          "First off, the guilt trip isn't gonna work on me," he said, indicating to the tears, they stopped almost immediately.  "Second off, yes I wanted you, past tense.  I had gone for looks and just wanted someone who looked perfect to make me look good.  But now I know what perfection really is… it's being the best person you can be, loving with all you can.  What changed was I fell in love, real love.  You were just an infatuation, a faze I went through.  And that faze is over," James explained.

          "Who?  Who's the little bitch?  Oh, wait don't tell me!  Evans!  Right?  It's Evans."  All James did was nod.  "Fine, go to her, leave me be," she said, bringing on the tears again.  James walked away, feeling good to have that task done, but still feeling bad for some reason.

          _Damn conscience!_

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**_Merry Christmas all!!!  I hope you all got what you wanted.  I got you all two gifts. The first is that this chapter is much longer than most.  By my word count it's the second longest so far.  This is going to be the second to last chapter… I think.  The next one will be an epilogue.  My second gift for you is that I'm going through all of my other chapters and fixing all of my type-o's, or trying to.  I've noticed that I've got a lot.  So far I've gotten up till chapter 11.  I'll work on the next ones later on.  If figured you'd want this chapie as soon as possible.  I hope you all liked this chapter.  It was pretty much just wrapping up some loose ends.  Kinda boring I know.  Any way, my New Year's Resolution, just so u know, is that I try and proofread all of my chapies before I post them.  I'm not doing my thank you's, one b/c I'm tired as hell and two I know you all want this._**

****

**_Love ya_**

**_Fran_**


	23. The long awated Chatper 23

**_Chapter 23 Coming Clean_**

_Let's go back  
Back to the beginning  
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned_

Lily was let out three days later. The rest of the school was let back in and no one was the wiser to her stunt. She still didn't know if she was going to tell James about the baby or not. She really had no reason **_not_** to tell him anymore. It was gone and he didn't have to support it. She could tell him and he could go on with his life as though nothing happened. But somehow she knew he wouldn't. She had a feeling he would want to make up for it. She also had a feeling he would get mad at her for not telling him in the beginning. To make it simple, she was just plain scared.

She and James went along being friends. It worked out okay, but Lily kept feeling guilty; for everything: his parents, the baby, and not being with him. She still loved him deeply, more than anyone could imagine. But she was being her old cautious self and left well enough alone. But James, he was a totally different story.

The group was studying in the library, Mollie, Remus, James, Sirius, Lily and unfortunately Peter. James and Lily were on one side with Sirius; while Mollie, Remus and Peter were opposite to them. Lily was so close to James she could feel his body heat coming off of him. She couldn't help but be nervous. She couldn't stand staying in that seat a second longer.

"Excuse me," she said quietly and quickly. She pushed her chair back, "I need another book," and stood, walking off fast, yet trying not to arouse suspicion. Mollie and Remus shared a glance, each knowing something was up and that one of them should go after her. But James beat them to it… he rose without saying a word and followed her behind the shelves. Mollie and Remus shared another glance, raising their eyebrows, but went back to work.

_'Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect  
Trying to fit a square into a circle  
Was no lie  
I defy_

"Lily," James said as he saw her with her forehead leant against the shelf. She was willing the tears not to come. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked softly, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"Nothing," she said quietly. The cool leather of the books felt good against her head and calmed her down a bit.

"It can't be nothing… if it were nothing you wouldn't be here," he replied, turning her around. He looked her straight in the eyes, but she turned away.

"I don't know James… everything is so messed up. I just… can't keep going on like this," she said looking at the ground as the tears finally fell.

"I know Lily… I know," he said looking at her.

"No you don't… you don't James. You know nothing," she said quietly, but the impact of her words was all that was needed.

"Then tell me!" he said sternly. "Tell me what I don't know."

"That's just it! I can't! I want to tell you, really I do. But there's just so much I can't because my lips won't say the words, they won't let me," she let more tears fall as she said it, leaning against the books and slipping down.

"Lily, I-"

"Don't say you understand. I don't want your sympathy. Just give me your friendship and that's all I need right now," she interrupted him, looking at him sharply with her tear shinning eyes.

James looked back at her uncertainly. "How can I give you that when you're avoiding me? Lily, I can tell you're uncomfortable around me and I wanna set some things straight. We were _never_ a mistake… none of it was. I got scared too… scared of the new feelings I was feeling. I didn't realize it until it was too late… and I know I was stupid… but Lily? I wanna make it up to you. Is there _any_ way we'll be together again? Any way? Anything and I'll do it… but Lily, I can't be without you. So when you say I don't understand, I do… when you say I don't know… I know. I know and understand more than you think, but I just don't want to stand back as you do all of this. I don't want to loose you!" he said, kneeling in front of her, looking straight into her eyes and his hands gripping her shoulders. His words brought tears to her eyes, but she tried to blink them away.

"Maybe James… maybe," she said, "Just be there for me, be my friend. I'm not ready yet… I don't know if I'll ever be ready. But when and if I am, I'll let you know." She smiled up at him a little and held his face in her hand. James smiled back and wiped away a few of her tears. She stood up and walked out of the library, leaving behind a hopeful but confused James kneeling among the books.

_Let the rain fall down  
And wake my dreams  
Let it wash away  
My sanity  
'cause I wanna feel the thunder  
I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean_

The rest of the school year went by without a hitch. There was no word or action from Voldemort. He seemed to be lying low, in Lily's opinion. No more muggle deaths or raids; all was quiet and serene. But they all knew it was just the calm before the storm.

Finals came and went and they all scraped by. For the summer they were all going separate ways. Lily was staying at Hogwarts with Dumbledore, who was now her legal guardian. James was going to his grandparents, who were his closest in kin. Sirius was going to his own home where he really wasn't wanted. Mollie was going to her aunt's, who was the only willing one to take care of her. It seemed Remus was the only person really welcomed home with open arms by his parents.

They all soon found themselves in the Hogsmeade train station. Hugs were given and promises made to keep in touch.

"Good luck guys," Lily said quietly to all her friends crowded around her.

"You too Lils," Mollie said giving her a big hug.

"Don't get in too much trouble Tiger," Remus said jokingly punching her in the arm.

"Well you know me," she replied with a smile, pulling him into a hug. He warmly returned this.

"I can't believe I used to hate you," Sirius said seriously. "I really don't know why anymore."

"It was because you were following someone's lead," Lily said with a smile playing on her lips.

"I'm a leader, not a follower!" he said as though it were an insult.

"Come here ya git!" she said lovingly, pulling him into a hug. He hugged her back, squeezing her tightly. "You can let go now," she said, gasping for air and patting him on the back. "I will be seeing you in two months ya know!"

"Rightio Lilikins!" he said happily.

_I'm shedding  
Shedding every color  
Trying to find a pigment of truth  
Beneath my skin_

They all backed away under Mollie's instructions when Lily approached James. They stared at each other with an awkward silence.

"Well I… uh… guess I'll see you next term?" James said uncertainly.

"Yea… listen James… I know things have been weird," she started off slowly. "I also know that you are a little… confused… on my reasons behind my distance." She took a deep breath at this and fished through her pocket. "This will explain everything… although I must caution you to when you read it." Lily looked somber and hesitant and she handed over an envelope, thick with parchment. "I'll see you then," she said, looking at the ground. He brought her face up to look at him.

"It seems as though great minds think alike," he said, handing her an envelope as well. "Have a good summer Lily." He gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek before walking away to his other friends, glancing back to see her looking at him and waving goodbye to all of them.

_'cause different  
Doesn't feel so different  
And going out is better  
Then always staying in  
Feel the wind_

Lily sat in the threstal driven carriage, looking at the letter intently. She fingered the seal lightly, debating on when to open it. Finally, she through reason out the window and tore it open.

**_My Dearest Lily,_**

**_ I know that I hurt you deeply. I know that our relationship (if it could be called that) was quite strange and started out in a way that none of the others I know have. I started this relationship because of a stupid boyhood crush. Based on superficial aspects that I now know are not what good relationships are built apon. But you must understand, that even though I was to be using you, I had found myself falling in love with you. I had fought it so hard. That night… that amazingly wonderful night changed my life, changed my view on many things. I was still trying to fight it… but I fought it in vain. I knew then that you were different from every other girl, and I knew then that I could not live without you. Unfortunately… I had screwed up before I realized all of this. It took a few people to knock sense into me, may they rest in peace. I do hope that you give me another chance sometime in our future. I do love you and I apologize for all of the mistakes I have made._**

**_ Love always,_**

**_ James Potter_**

_Let the rain fall down  
And wake my dreams  
Let it wash away  
My sanity  
'cause I wanna feel the thunder  
I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean_

Lily was in tears as she finished the letter. Wet droplets fell down her face and onto the paper. She ran her fingers over the delicate writing and carefully folded up the paper into the envelope again.

"I can only hope James, that you feel the same after finding out what I have told you… I can only hope," she said fearfully as the carriage came to a halt in front of the school.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

_I'm coming clean  
Let the rain fall  
Let the rain fall  
I'm coming clean_

James sat in a compartment alone, having done so because he knew he would become emotional while reading this letter. He slowly and cautiously broke the seal and opened the envelope, unfolding her letter and began reading it.

**_I do not know where to begin James. There is so much to tell and I have little precious time to write it all down. I must first start off by saying that when I first found I loved you, you pushed me away, leaving me broken hearted. I will say this… I never stopped loving you, never will. I told you things that I had never told anyone, and this was before I realized my true feelings. _**

**_ I must tell you that when we "staged" our "breakup" I had taken things to the extreme and had almost done what I did after Christmas vacation. But the headmaster, damned be his gigantic nose, stopped me, telling me that I had someone else to live for. At that moment I knew not what he was talking about. It wasn't until a few weeks later that I found out, surprisingly enough… I was pregnant. Now mind you I was scared shitless._**

**_ So… for Christmas I felt like taking a vacation from everything… a break from it all. Since my parents were deceased I had to approach the headmaster about this and he agreed, but I would have to stay nearby a wizarding family. He put a disguise on me and gave me a pseudonym; Anna Price. What a surprise I had in for me when I arrived and found that my neighbors were none other than the Potter's three. A little slip up and my name became Lana._**

**_ And yet another surprise to come my way early on Christmas morning when the _****Daily Prophet _arrives; the people who took me in and treated me as one of their own have been assassinated. In disbelief I run out and find that their cottage is no where in sight. Then I get a letter, telling me that I am the cause of their death. Grief-stricken I went back to the school and made my mind up. I was going to complete what I had failed in and rid myself of pain and rid the world of me. Unfortunately, you acted much quicker than I thought and saved me… but my unborn child faced the fate I had wish for myself._**

**_ These are the reasons I can not be with you…I have too much guilt on my conscious. I am sure by now I have told you more than enough to make you quite upset. I do not want you to be upset because of me. Do as you will, it is your life. I have made it harder on you than it should have been. I am sorry James, for all of my deceptions and transgressions. I never meant to hurt you, no matter how much I had hated you in the beginning. I have now told you what I should have done from the start, instead of hiding so much from you._**

**_ I hope you can find it in your heart to not hate me completely. Life has played you and I a terrible hand, and we're stuck playing it until our chips our gone and we've nothing left but our dignity._**

**_ Love_**

**_ Lily Evans_**

_Let the rain fall down  
And wake my dreams  
Let it wash away  
My sanity  
'cause I wanna feel the thunder  
I wanna scream  
Let the rain fall down  
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean_

The paper fell to the floor, crumpled up in a ball as a very hormonal teenager stood up, punched the sliding glass, breaking it and stomping out of his empty compartment. What a way to end the year.

_Let's go back  
Back to the beginning_

_&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&_

I know I know… it hath been months since I have updated. And now, for me to update only to give you the final chapter of this dear tale.

Alas my dear readers… 'tis true th' end of this noble story hath come. It may seemeth as though it art not finished… mainly because 'tis a true statement to thee. A sequel is sure to follow… when this dear author decides the warrant for it.

Okay… enough with the Shakespearean speaking. The story is done, for now. I do have the works of a sequel but I must tell you it will not be coming about for a long while. I have about five other fanfictions in the works (which is why I haven't updated this story in forever) You see I have a nasty habit of starting a story and then getting other ideas… I drop the current story to start jotting down my new ideas and have a new story in the works and the same thing happens again. I must apologize in abundance. Cookies to you who have all faithfully waited for the final installment to this fic. Milk to go with your cookies if you have not given up on me and are actually going to read the last installment. Ice cream for all of you who shall actually give me your reviews. And most of all… kudos to those of you who pushed me to continue by sending even more reviews. I love you all and hope you will read my new fics I will be posting.

If I hadn't had a long list I would thank you all personally, but the list is too long. I will tell you all this. I LOVE U VERY MUCH!!!!!

!tears! the epic tale hath come to a halt… until morrow… or the morrow after morrow… or long anon.

Your dear author

FRAN


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